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It took my Husband 14 hours to say I am sorry. This still haunts me 11 months later.

Never got one. Probably never will.

kchip, so sorry. You deserve one. I am sorry for the pain you are experiencing. Much love, Keepcalm.

Two years and counting.

He said he was sorry I got hurt, but never said he was sorry for what he did to cause that pain. He's actually still never admitted he was having an A when we separated.

He will never say it because, in his mind, I became the enemy. I stood in the way of his "happiness" so no need to apologize to a faithful wife of fifteen years and the mother of his kids. Enemies don't deserve the I'm sorry.

I got 10 thousand sorrys and buckets of tears. It all meant nothing, because he just took the A underground. Words are empty.

Let me tell you - 14 hours is better than nothing. Alot of these cheaters - 1, 2, and 3 years later are STILL trying to justify what they did and have never said "I'm sorry."

Those are such empty words anyway.

You're sorry? Show me.

A real I'm sorry....

About 6 months post D-Day #2.

BTDT nailed it.

You're sorry? Show me.

Exactly. I put "I'm sorry" right up there with "I love you" and the other words I used to believe. I allowed words to keep me in blind trust for way too long. If the WS wants me to believe they are sorry, show me with your actions. Be transparent, honest, don't TT, lie through omission, read books, go to IC, make me feel that I am not an idiot for wanting to R.

Let me tell you - 14 hours is better than nothing. Alot of these cheaters - 1, 2, and 3 years later are STILL trying to justify what they did and have never said "I'm sorry."

Those are such empty words anyway.

You're sorry? Show me.

^^^This. Even if the A stops and they apologize a thousand times, if they don't do the work to fix themselves it's all meaningless.

Took about 24 hours. Since then he took about 6 weeks to become more honest and now the I'm sorry's happen a lot.

I have a lady who styles my hair and works in a place that is apparently filled with women who have wrecked life after life doing this kind of thing.

I asked her if any of these women have ever had an "OMG - What have I done??" moment.

The gist of the answer was 'no'. Some have settled into new lives with new people and may finally have gotten to a stage of life where they don't feel the urge to do that anymore. And yet it seems NONE of them (at least to now) have felt the urge to right the wrongs they have caused.

In my world, and be it male or female, there is no excuse for that. No matter who you are, when you leave such a trail of human wreckage, you have a wrong that needs to be righted and by you.

But I get the impression that, for way too many of these scoundrels, doing it at all is supposed to be considered a luxury.

And THAT is part of why we are visiting support groups like this - because this just adds insult to injury.

My STBXWW did to me what she knew very well she would never, ever want me or anyone else to do to her no matter the circumstances.

She has never apologized.

One needs to have some self-esteem, dignity, honor, character, and courage to be able to apologize for doing something like this.

She has none of those qualities. She has become the greatest coward I personally have known.

I got "I'm sorry" all the time initially, but that didn't stop him from continuing contact.

Yeah, words don't mean jack from my STBXWW at all. This was the best she ever did saying 'sorry' about her year long+ A:

"I am sorry for the situation I have put everyone in right now. I don't believe you will ever trust me again(I don't blame you) and I can not live with someone checking up on me at every turn."

Next breath she tells me she has no regrets, hysterical rage name calling/put-downs, still wants to deepen her A, hates me, and won't tolerate my intentional hurting of her (asking about the A), etc... As has been said, actions, not lie filled words.

Never. And it's been over 8 years since d-day (and over 5 years since I last spoke to him).

Never. In 35 years of marriage, he never apologized for anything. Not once.

I'll never get a heart-felt apology that truely means something. She is not capable of that.

About 13 months after D-Day she apologized "for the way she handled things" but that was only as she forwarded the e-mail about how her own son was now a BS.

And she wrote in a letter to her ex-BFF how she regretted that her choices hurt so many people.

I don't think she has it in her to acknowledge the destruction she caused and the real affect it had.

I've been watching the replies to this, and even though I added one myself, I can scarcely believe what I'm reading here. The moral compass of every one of these people is SO broken, it's not even funny.

The comment of the woman to her ex-BFF about "Regretting the way she handled things," for me has probably been the worst yet. She seems to be going out of her way to say, "Well, here it is and it's all you're gonna get and you'd better be happy with it. Oh, but either way, I don't give a ..."

What a world we live in. Makes me even more grateful that groups like this have found each other.

How long till your WS said "I'm sorry"

After all the "ILYBINILWY"s....gaslighting, trickle truths, rewriting the maritial history to "justify" her affair....for about 2 months...bullshit...fog induced behavior....

About 3 weeks after DDay, I went into a "full court press 180"....and lawyered up!! No faking on my part - i KNEW i was headed for a divorce...

Took her about 6 weeks after that for the FWW to hit the "ah-ha" moment....and i got a "snotting, blubbering, crying, im SO sorry i hurt you, mascara dripping off of her chin" apology....then and only then did i feel that our marriage had a sliver of a chance....until then....our odds were about zero...

Fast forward about 4 more months..(with the FWW doing all the "right things")..FWW could get herself worked up hard - dry heaves - puking....just thinking about what she had to to me, herself and our marriage...

Im an advocate of IC, the 180....and the healing library....

I drew that line in the dirt.....and set my limitations...and i backed it up....Nope - didnt want a divorce...wanted to share the FWW with her POS BF either....

Good luck....

Bufffalo

WH "I say I am sorry and it's not good enough. I explain myself and its not good enough. I say I will be there for you and the kids more and it's not good enough. Nothing is ever good enough for you."

Let's put it in perspective, he has said I am sorry exactly 5 times in the 10 weeks since dday.

Explaining himself is getting mad at any questions I have about his affair or even just me wanting to talk about my hurt. He avoids me just so he won't have to talk about anything affair related.

Being there more for me and the kids translates into doing exactly what he was doing before. We are on the back burner as long as he has something better to do. If not, then he will spend time with us. There is ALWAYS something else that is a priority.

Actions speak louder than words. All of his words would be "good enough" if he backed them up with his actions. He doesn't. His words don't mean anything. They are just words. Concentrate on the actions, they will tell you if he is remorseful and the time frame will not matter anymore.