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I find it worrying when ex-WS call their affair partners “it” or “dirty whore”. I wonder if it’s a tool to blame shift and minimize. Don’t forget that if the OW is an “it” then the WH is someone that DECIDED to have an affair with all the risks and damage that incurred WITH “IT”, or WITH the “dirty whore”.

OM#2...who I thought for 2.5 years was OM#1(until TT last month)...I call him assfucker or "your buddy."

OM#1? Hmmm. I haven't had alot of time yet to process that there was actually TWO AP's...that he cheated on my..physically..twice.

So OM#1 has yet to be named.

with H - that person

here - gutterskank

In the very beginning I referred to her as "your whore" or "that f@&$ing "c" word, then I realized I was just being hateful. Then she became "that bitch". Now I normally just say "her". In 4 months I have learned to depersonalize her. She doesn't deserve my attention or anger any longer. I'm focused on me not her.

I call her by the nickname my WH used. It was disguised just enough in his phone that I had no clue it was her until over a year of slime. It's probably witchy of me, but eh - the nickname works.

Whorestein...ho-worker...Nefka...his wife, he did not like that!

Sometimes I call her by her real name, Alicia, because I have to get used to our 'new normal'.

I agree Fidelia why call her names. She wasn't married and they both knew he was. I refer to her as Texas as that is where she lived. I put all blame on FWH. She may have been stupid and easy but she didn't did betray me, he did.

Calling AP names is a way to vent. I would like to call my fWH many names. He is/was just as disgusting as OW , however, since we are reconciling, that would not be conducive to reconciliation. Because we are reconciling doesn't mean I don't have anger still and venting about the OW is a safe way to get my anger out.

Also, in our situation the fucking OW hasn't gone away. I have a right to be angry. FWH dumped its ass in 2004 and it has fished/stalked or attempted contact all the way into 2012. Yeah, I don't think my anger at the slunt is misplaced.

My FWH has shown remorse and does everything to try to make it up to me. OW has no remorse, is angry with me, and feels it is a victim.

For those that don't have anger at AP, great for you. However, I can't wrap my head around you not seeing that these AP's did owe you something. They owed you common human decency. They didn't break vows, but they broke the Golden Rule.

With the OW from 13 years ago I use her name.

With women he has crushed on but it wasn't reciprocated, I use their names.

With the OW 4 years ago I use her name. I don't know the names of the other women he went on dates with.

With OWs 1-5 I say "that girl (name)".

And with OW 6 I use her name or "her".

What I've noticed for me when EA is involved with an OW I use her name and if she was just a fuck, I say "that girl (name)". Not really sure why????

OW#1 - Sometimes, she's the ho-worker, or "your girl", but I mostly call her Hillbilly Homewrecker. Her brother in law and my WH both call her "It".

OW#2 - the exGF. Mostly she's Leatherface Whore (spends way too much time in a tanning bed and looks about 25 years older than she should.

So, Hillbilly Homewrecker and Leatherface Whore.

And they're both listed as such in my cell phone...

By lots of nasty names. Mostly slut or whore.

For the 1st year she was the name she worked so hard to earn - Drug Bag C#@t

Now she is just "her" or "your Ex) (since she's his xW.

We very rarely let her have space in our lives anymore.

I agree with sistermilkshake. Also,while the AP didn't betray us,they knowingly and willingly had an affair with a married man. They knew he had children. And they were selfish enough they didnt give a shit,they just wanted your WS.

They way I see it..yes..the spouse is the one who ultimatley betrayed you. That doesnt mean the AP is released from any wrongdoing. They still know right from wrong,right?

When an AP willingly has an affair with a married person,I see it as them waging war against your family. They were engaged in actions that they knew,if discovered,would destroy another human being. If you have children and they knew about the kids,then they were actively trying to destroy your children's happiness,security,and family.

The WS lets them in the door,and I am in NO way saying my WH isn't fully to blame for his actions. That does not,however,mean the AP is innocent.

FWIW,I dont hate the AP's. I read enough in my husband's secret email account o know they could have been anyone,they were just available and willing. I dont like them,but I dont hate them.

But some of the OW Ive read about on here? Yeah. I hate some of them.

Ditto what Sister and Confused said.

I have anger towards OW because she knew he was married. She knew we had kids. She chased my H down from day 1. It took her 3 years to get him into an A and it's 100% his fault that the A happened. But OW didn't give 2 shits about me or my kids. She was just a selfish bitch who knowingly went after a married man and tried her hardest to break up my family.

Oh and when my H broke it off with her and asked for NC because he wanted to work on our marriage, she still didn't give a shit. She kept trying to get him to come back to her for a good 6 months.

It takes one fucked up person to do that and I have zero respect for her.

So she will continue to be called bitchface until the day I die...

It depends on my mood when I want to talk about her.

But, here's a list of favorites:

Slut

Barwhore

Skank

Fat Skanky Barwhore

Slunt

Slutface

C word

C word-face

C-word bag

Ms. Low Self Esteem

Your "friend"

Your "girlfriend"

Her name (Gabby)

To the poster who uses "Banana Boobs" that literally had me

I call her the "affair person". Or I say, "when you saw 'her'.

Of course I have called her worse names but when having a civil discussion or when in MC, I say, "affair person". This is suggested in the book, After the Affair by Janis A Spring

Yeah, I don't think most authors writing a book called "After the Affair" would recommend calling the AP "the c***" in MC sessions. Which is what it was called in in our MC sessions. T.C. for short, MC thought that was fine.

It's name has never been spoken in our home.

It is always referred to as Your Whore or The Whore.

I've posted these before but I will enjoy posting them again:

your whore

your slut

3xw (wheezy, whiny whore)

grandpa fucker

your girlfriend

mall rat

user loser (my H's name for himself and "it")

scar-ho (the AP is self-conscious about its c-section scar)

huffy

the "taker"

potato-nosed whore

the mustached one

walking garbage

dog poo (thanks to an SI member for that lovely image)

the great whore of metro Detroit and Ann Arbor

I'm trying to stop being vulgar about the names because it was becoming a bad habit. (Being vulgar was a great release for a long time.)

Now I call the AP

"it"

that person

your Affair Partner.

I will never say "its" name.

[This message edited by struggling16 at 3:05 PM, March 15th (Friday)]

Names, huh?

fuckface

the ever popular whore

the slut

ms. adultery

your girlfriend

the pig

ms. homewrecker

However, for my STBE, I have many... oh so many

Calling her by name doesn't get a reaction, but the other names, woohoo!!

Gets him on fire, and I secretly enjoy it. See, he's tried to make her seem like such a nice and decent person.