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meaniemouse ( member #10798) posted at 6:29 PM on Thursday, May 30th, 2013
nik--having worked with kids and parents for many years in a variety of roles, one thing I know for sure--parents do their kids no favors by taking the easy way out. The easy thing would to be to let things stay the way they are, pretend everything is ok, that this is just a "phase" or that the problem will resolve itself. You and your daughter are taking an enormous, positive step in the right direction. You are quite possibly saving your daughter's life. It's painful, scary and I'm sure you'll wonder how both of you will manage. Most parents aren't willing to do the hard stuff and they and their kids often suffer because of it. You are doing the hard stuff--for all the right reasons. By doing so you are teaching your daughter an important lesson about strength, problem-solving and doing what's right even when it's scary. Both of you are incredibly brave. Here's wishing both of you love, peace, wisdom and strength to meet whatever challenges are ahead. And--the promise of looking forward to a day when all of this will be behind you. Hugs.
Act as if what you do matters. It does. William James
tryingagain74 ( member #33698) posted at 6:39 PM on Thursday, May 30th, 2013
(((NIK and family)))
Stay strong, mama. As an educator, I fully support what you're doing. I often see kids whose parents have their heads in the proverbial sand. They pretend that there isn't anything wrong, and then it's often too late to do anything. You're making the right choice not only for her but for all of you.
extra hugs:
(((NIK and family))) 
FBS; now happily liberated!
Two DS and One DD
It matters not how strait the gate,/How charged with punishments the scroll./I am the master of my fate:/I am the captain of my soul.--"Invictus," William Ernest Henley
MissesJai ( member #24849) posted at 6:47 PM on Thursday, May 30th, 2013
44
Happily divorcing..
My Life is Mine!!!!
#BlackLivesMatter
Don't settle for no fuck shit....
little turtle ( member #15584) posted at 6:48 PM on Thursday, May 30th, 2013
(((NIK & family)))
I'm proud to see that you're doing what you need to do for the best outcome for your family. I hope the transition goes as smoothly as possible. I work with individuals who have developmental disabilities. There are many who thrive on strict schedules and there is chaos if their schedule is slightly changed. While I haven't been through it myself, I can understand how difficult this is for yourself and your family.
Failure is success if we learn from it.
GabyBaby ( member #26928) posted at 8:17 PM on Thursday, May 30th, 2013
Lots of hugs to you and your fam, NIK.
Me - late 40s
DD(27), DS(24, PDD-NOS)
WH#2 (SorryinSac)- Killed himself (May 2015) in our home 6 days after being served divorce docs.
XWH #1 - legally married 18yrs. 12+ OW (that I know of).
I edit often for clarity/typos.
ZenMumWalking ( member #25341) posted at 8:20 PM on Thursday, May 30th, 2013
((((NIK & family))))
You are doing the right thing, I hope it works out for your DD.
Sending strength and mojo to you all.
((((NIK & family))))
Me (BS), Him (WH): late-50's
3 DS: 26, 25, 22
M: 30+ (19 1/2 at Dday)
Dday: Dec 2008
Wanted R, not gonna happen (in permanent S)
Used to be DeadMumWalking, doing better now
sunandmoon ( member #10180) posted at 8:25 PM on Thursday, May 30th, 2013
((NIK and family))
NIK-
You are doing the 100% right thing for all of you.
I worked for an organization that supports children and family (not as a caregiver- in Admin) and one of the groups I supported is and RTF. While she is heading in to the unknown it will quickly become all the things she craves and finds comfort in. Schedules, communication, consistency is paramount in a well run residential community. I pray that your DD has caregivers who are as talented and deadicated as those I worked with. I saw many many miracles. Kids that turned a corner and really found their best selves.
You and your DD will be in my prayers!
sunandmoon
nutmegkitty ( member #33882) posted at 8:36 PM on Thursday, May 30th, 2013
Sending you and dd lots of strength....
Me - happy!
2 DDs
Very happily divorced from an NPD since 2013.
stroppy_wanadoo ( member #11224) posted at 8:40 PM on Thursday, May 30th, 2013
My warmest thoughts are with you... you are making a difficult but compassionate choice and giving her the greatest gift of all - your love.
(((NIK, DD and DS)))
Crescita ( member #32616) posted at 9:09 PM on Thursday, May 30th, 2013
“Happiness cannot be pursued; it must ensue.” ― Viktor E. Frankl, Man's Search for Meaning
SoVerySadNow ( member #36711) posted at 9:21 PM on Thursday, May 30th, 2013
Prayers for you and your DD. Tonight will be tough- keep her in view- as they sometimes panic and try to go for a last binge. My son did that. And sometimes they try anything to talk you out of thinking they need to go. Stay strong.
Me:BW
Him:WH
D-day(s),after years of TT and Gaslighting was Labor Day Weekend 2012, continuing for a week after. *Dammit! More TT 3/9/13
Really trending toward D- planning about it is my "happy place" now.
nowiknow23 (original poster member #33226) posted at 9:45 PM on Thursday, May 30th, 2013
Thank you all for your wonderful words of comfort and encouragement. DD is doing ok so far after an anxiety-filled night of questions last night.
We are currently picking out books and pictures for her to keep in her room at the facility, and she's in a fairly positive place. She's ready for the Tourette's to be under control and the anxiety and OCD to ease up.
Her biggest concern is with learning how to handle her anger and defuse a situation before she builds up to an outburst. That is both a medical issue and a behavioral one, and will likely be the hardest to address.
Fingers crossed for the rest of the afternoon, as we're under a tornado watch, and severe weather is a major stressor for her.
You can call me NIK
And never grow a wishbone, daughter, where your backbone ought to be.
― Sarah McMane
authenticnow ( member #16024) posted at 11:32 PM on Thursday, May 30th, 2013
Sending hugs and a ton of support your way.
DS, you are forever in my heart. Thank you for sharing your beautiful spirit with me. I will always try to live by the example you have set. I love you and miss you every day and am sorry you had to go so soon, it just doesn't seem fair.
sisoon ( Moderator #31240) posted at 12:02 AM on Friday, May 31st, 2013
My heart goes out to all of you.
All I can suggest is to keep showing and telling your daughter that you love her, visit as much as possible, and give as much emotional support as you can - to your daughter and to yourself. Remember this feels difficult because it is difficult.
And keep reminding yourself you can't predict the future. You can only hope for the best and do your best.
(((NIK & Family)))
fBH (me) - on d-day: 66, Married 43, together 45, same sex apDDay - 12/22/2010Recover'd and R'edYou don't have to like your boundaries. You just have to set and enforce them.
HFSSC ( member #33338) posted at 12:52 AM on Friday, May 31st, 2013
You are being covered with prayers and warm thoughts, NIK, you and your sweet dd. That's such a scary step to take, but one I know you aren't taking lightly.
Me, 56
Him, 48 (JMSSC)
Married 26 years. Reconciled.
deeplysad ( member #16590) posted at 12:56 AM on Friday, May 31st, 2013
Sending lots of (((hugs))) to all of you
Me: BW - I'm much too young to feel this damn old
Him: FWH - Midlife crisis with a pathetic porn wannabe
D-Day: August 2004; Lots of false R until February 2005.
Amazonia ( member #32810) posted at 12:28 PM on Friday, May 31st, 2013
Thinking of you both today, sending strength and confidence.
"You yourself deserve your love and affection as much as anybody in the universe." -Buddha
"Let's face it, life is a crap shoot." -Sad in AZ
karmahappens ( member #35846) posted at 1:20 PM on Friday, May 31st, 2013
Hugs are prayers.
I admire the strength you have. It isn't always easy to do "the right thing".
Hope the day goes well.
(((hugs)))
“And the day came when the risk to remain tight in a bud was more painful than the risk it took to blossom”
Anaïs Nin
Me: 45
Him: 47
Dday 8/2007
We have R'd
Chrysalis123 ( member #27148) posted at 1:35 PM on Friday, May 31st, 2013
((((NIK))))) warm thoughts!
Someone I once loved gave me/ a box full of darkness/ It took me years to understand/ That this, too, was a gift. - Mary Oliver
Just for the record darling, not all positive changes feel positive in the beginning -S C Lourie
metamorphisis ( member #12041) posted at 2:04 PM on Friday, May 31st, 2013
Good luck to you guys today! Thinking of you
Go softly my sweet friend. You will always be a part of who I am.
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