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I texted my attorney and told her whats going on. She absolutely can't see me before Wednesday.

I'm stunned by this..Are you sure you've got a good attorney? my reason is they are to work FOR you & be available (within reason) If you texted your attorney with fears & she did nothing to alleviate them or to squeeze you in some way, she doesn't seem to have you best interest at heart..

My (well WH & I) attorney is a dumb ass handling WH insurance settlement case & when I e-mailed him that WH had a stroke & I needed POA, he offered to come to the hospital THAT night & also offered to squeeze me in the following day.. Since it wasn't urgent I was able to wait until WH was out of the hospital for him to sign the POA on his own but that's just an example of an attorney working FOR you.

Heck, when I was talking to D attorneys, every one of them offered to see me either that day or the next day, just seems to me that your attorney isn't too available for you

Thank you, everyone,

I finally have my financial affadavit completed and am ready to roll when I meet with my attorney on Wednesday.

No surrender, no retreat.

Are you sure you've got a good attorney?

I'm not sure what to say....

She came highly recommended by several people in my divorce support group for whom she won excellent settlements in cases fraught with even more Crazy than mine.

They say she is tough as nails and knows every nuance and detail of family/divorce/custody law.

The three times I did confer with her I was very impressed. While she was sympathetic to my emotional state at the time, she was ultimately all hard-nosed business. She is very involved with children's rights, winning awards and recognition for pro bono work in this legal area.

My WW met with a renowned prick of an attorney. I assume this is whom she will retain. I informed my attorney of this, and she coolly informed me that she has dealt with him before and I have nothing to worry about.

My therapist--who was a mediator for years--dealt with both my wife's presumed attorney as well as with mine. She (my therapist) basically told me my attorney will take no shit and will kick his ass for me should it get ugly.

So... I don't know what else I should be looking for.

Thanks!

Often the best attorneys are often unavailable if they are in court. Some things just take precedence.

You are paying your lawyer to fight for you not nurse your emotional state, that is what your therapist is for. Sounds like she is up for the games that are coming.

Yup I would have to say that it's not that unusual for an Attorney to not be available especially since you aren't all in. If she is the pit bull she is supposed to be then she is probably very very busy.

In addition once you file, and she is actually really working for you, you will most likely find her more available for you. Also trust that she knows the law and the rules better than anyone, and even though it may seem like a HUGE deal to you at the moment, she may know that there is nothing she can do until you actually get the filing done, and the amount of time that will take isn't available until your slotted time on Wed.

((((and strength))))

Before your meeting get a list of your priorities. Needs vs wants. Highest to lowest. Establish what is negotiable and what is not.

Ask if a temporary custody schedule/support is possible. Check the changing the lock situation. Remember, she has already moved out.

Take all of your documentation. Journals, texts and var copies. Establish exactly what the parenting schedule has been using that documentation. Establish her acknowledging the fact that she has already moved out(the recording of her threatening you with moving back in).

Organize and footnote/index all of the info for easy reference. The more she can get into the temporary decree the better for you. The quicker she can find it the cheaper .

DO NOT TELL WW about any of this. You are in the pre-emptive strike mode right now. When she returns Friday(inform your lawyer of this) you want to hand her the initial decree. Please, do this in a witnessed area. Her stability is suspect.

Good Job so far brother!

Strength from one who has BTDT

Good Luck tomorrow. Remember to stand up for yourself and your kids.

Strength

Good luck today!

Thanks, Everyone,

I'm feeling nervous, but strong and determined.

I have my financial affadavit, scraps of records here and there (I could have been more organized at the time different things happened), my VAR, tax returns from the last three years.

Any other suggestions on what to bring?

Before your meeting get a list of your priorities. Needs vs wants.

Don't mean to sound ignorant, but... Do you mean, for example,

I need to stay in my home with my children. They need to maintain the same standard of living they were used to during the marriage. They also need to remain in the school district. Therefore they need maximum CS and I need SS.

I want to keep my entire pension.

etc.

yes, although the house would probably be considered a want.

strength

When my STBXWW finds out I have filed--as well as what I am asking for--she is going to explode with all her venom.

1) should I tell her?

2) should I hand her the papers?

3) should I just have her served?

Also, the reason she will freak is months ago I assured her that we would not go the traditional route, involving attorneys, high cost, and of course, "not doing what's in the best interest of the children."

When she levels this against me--that I "broke my promise," any suggestions for a response? I know, her saying that is insane for the obvious reasons, so I am tempted to retort from among a thousand cutting retorts.

But I am thinking of something non-committal like "circumstances have changed." (One of which is her unilaterally canceling mediation, among more serious actions like my son being exposed to that pic and then taking him to his domicile, which is something SHE promised she would not do.)

But I suspect your advice to me will be " crickets" or "talk to my attorney."

Again, I don't want to engage in a fight with her.

Thank you.

I would have her served, no warning because of her manipulation tactics of late.

When she explodes, your only answer is that when she cancelled mediation, this was the only course of action you had left. Then, walk away, and do no engage again.

I know some will say total NC, but sometimes I think a simple explanation, one line, is a good thing to do. Then ignore the crazy after. You gave her an answer; it isn't your fault she didn't like it.

Not sure how things work in the States, but if you can have her served by a 3rd party, I'd go for it. You don't need the crazy.

AD, you've been told time & time again to go NC with this woman. You really have no choice but to do it now, in order to avoid any kind of fight. I'm sure your lawyer will tell you what to say if STBX tries to contact you. Expect the crazy to be amped up big-time. It won't matter to you because you will be NC.

You'll be fine, Abbondad. Remember, we've all walked this road. We were all terrified, just like you.

We all survived. You will too.

Good luck today. Stay strong.

Your personal Hell is coming to an end.

Sending positive vibes for a good meeting with your attorney today. ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Please plan to do something good for your emotional state immediately after you leave the office. Treat yourself to an icecream or something. Go for a run. Pick a healthy coping strategy. And know you can get through whatever thoughts and feelings come up. Let them come up, let your body and heart process them, then let them go. Breathe! 15 deep breaths always helps me!

1. Have her served by a 3rd party.

2. Crickets. If she actually has the nerve to get angry at you for breaking a promise at this point, why on earth do you think anything you could retort back would even be heard?

Your personal Hell is coming to an end.

Thank you for that. It's all I have ever wanted.

(In my attorneys waiting room right now.)

Don't worry about her reaction that's not your problem. You broke your word? That's what you are worried about? How about the bazillion times she broke hers?

Have her served, and have absolutely zero contact unless it has to do with the kids.

Hope all goes well today.

((((strength)))

If you talk to her, you will be "engaging in a fight with her". You stated that you knew our answers to your question (for the most part) would be "crickets".

You can't stop her texts or email, but you should just NOT be TALKING to her. PERIOD. You know this.

If one of the kids is sick..email. If there's a short kid-related message...text.

If you talk to her, you are engaging. It also sounds like you still think that you can talk her into reason. You cannot.

Let her be served. Have her respond, legally to the divorce petition. Or continue to feed into the drama and be miserable.

You know exactly what you need to do. It's just not what you want to do. Well, none of us wanted to do it either. But we did, and we lived.

The crazy doesn't stop until you let it.

Have her served by a 3rd party. Do NOT tell her in advance. Do NOT hand her the papers yourself - this is a recipe for total disaster for YOU. After she has received the papers, go NC. ANY conversation you have with her will lead to an argument. You have crossed the Rubicon by filing (and that's a GOOD thing, btw), and there is no more mediation, discussion, etc. that can occur between the two of you. Let your attorney do his or her job. That's what your paying for - not only for the attorney's legal expertise, but so that s/he can act as a shield and a barrier between you and your toxic STBX, which is something that you NEED. Please take full advantage of it.