SurvivingInfidelity.com^®

She is doing more than just sexting.....Sorry.......

I am 2 mos. out. caught my wife because her phone dinged with a new message and she was asleep. It was all there.

:(

Naughty pics, lock phone, text app, unknown(to you) sexual preference.....RED FLAGS!!!

Is she posting on cheating websites?

Sounds like you are doing all the right things to find out what she is up to.

Have you prepared yourself for what you will do when you have hard proof? Will you want to try R? Will you want to D? Figure this stuff put now. See a lawyer find out what your rights are. She may go all remorseful or she may walk out the door. Protect you.

Let us know how things are going and keep posting.

((((and strength)))

Yes, Toby, they are ALL huge red flags.

I looked through her history and found a couple (probably 6 or 7) visits to XDating and Fling. Hard to say when they were, as she's never erased her history and I just did a quick query/search of her history in Firefox. The keylogger will tell me more about how she's covering her tracks, if at all.

I've made it pretty clear to my wife that if I ever caught her in an affair, we're done, period. She knows how seriously I take this sort of thing (I've been burned before and it's resulted in me having a hard time trusting in relationships), and she's appeared to have cheated anyway. If I get hard proof, my plan is to present her the proof, along with divorce papers, and pack my things.

I will keep you all informed on how things turn out. I sure hope I'm wrong....

Shouldn't take long for you to get proof with a keylogger. Remember this.....never reveal your sources!!!

I am so sorry that you're dealing with this.

If you know the name she uses on the adult sites, try googling it. I found a lot that way.

Unsure

It sounds like your wife is in n EA and possibly multiple PA's or swinging.

What did you find out your wife s into sexually that you were not aware of?

HM

If you have and iPad or another iPhone set it up to receive texts from her phone. When you set it up you will need her phone, because Apple you send a confirmatory message to her phone that a copy of her texts are going to an additional address. Click it and it never comes up again.

Go to settings, messages and change the receive addresses by adding your phone number or e-mail.

You will likely get something you don't want to see, but if she is erasing her texts, they will stay on your device for proof.

Unsure84....you out there?

Hi Toby, I'm still here. I've been quiet because I have nothing new to report. The keylogger has given me nothing to raise an eyebrow at, and I pulled our phone records from Verizon - again, nothing out of the ordinary. She's also not changed her password on her phone for a while; I've been checking it periodically and have seen a little bit of sexting still, but nothing giving me definitive proof that she's in a PA at this point.

That said, I've pinpointed where the EAs are coming from: MyFitnessPal. She seems to be sexting with at least two or three guys from that website.

This is really weird. I've expected more at this point, but I'm not getting much unfortunately. I'll keep digging.

I feel like a terrible person for basically engaging in marital espionage, and it's really been eating at me emotionally. I've been distant with my wife for the past couple of weeks, and I think she's sensing that something is wrong. I've also been finding that I've been getting irritated more easily at work, and I honestly LOVE my job, so this is telling me that my emotional health right now is deteriorating. I don't know how much longer I can keep doing this....

Oh, and to answer HM:

I found out that she might be into sub/dom stuff, and she definitely appears to like interracial (which is not a total shock to me).

That said, I've pinpointed where the EAs are coming from: MyFitnessPal. She seems to be sexting with at least two or three guys from that website.

Your the second BH, that I've read, that has a WS using MyfitnessPal for their cheating.

So what now? Are you going to confront? Or are you gonna give her enough rope to hang herself?

This is what I would do. Confront, take her phone away forcing her to use the PC with the keylogger. Make sure she can't use any other devices(iPad, iPod, etc..). Don't tell her what you know, just that you have a gut feeling that she's up to no-good.

If she confesses, you might be able to save the M. That said.....I consider what's she's doing cheating and you have every right to end it if you want.

PS. When you take phone away, make sure she is home, that's when you leave for a while. That gives her time to cover her tracks which the keylogger will catch. If you have a landline phone, I would bug that also.

First of all, I'm sorry that you're here. You are doing great so far- better than most who find ourselves in this situation.

I wanted to comment because I am a member on MyFitnessPal and hoped maybe I could give you some inside perspective on the site.

I am a member but I only use it to browse the forums on fitness/exercise and to track my calories. That said, I've seen several topics come up in the past few months about people cheating on their spouses (and bragging about it!!!!) with others from MyFitnessPal. It's like Facebook with extra ego strokes. It's gross. I don't even have a personal picture as my "icon", in fact I think my picture is of a stupid cat or something- and I am STILL messaged at least 3-4 times a week from men on MyFitnessPal asking me if I would like to chat.

I don't haunt them, but I know there is a forum dedicated strictly to "chit chat and fun and games" and it's all topics like "Post a picture of yourself and let the next poster decide if they would- Date, Marry or Bang" or "Show us what you look like in your bikini" and crap like that. I could see how easy it would be for someone with shitty boundaries to get sucked into all of those compliments- which leads to chatting- which leads to so on and so forth.

If you know her user name, you can look at her profile and view every posting she has ever made on the forums. This might help narrow down some things for you.

Again, sorry you find yourself here but keep doing what you are doing!

Any plans to confront her?

Unsure

It is hard to confront with what little no you have right now.

I also understand how this affects your normally happy disposition.

Set a date a few weeks or months in your head to have a serious conversation with your wife about your future together.

Maybe she will be open and give you some overdue honesty in your marriage.

Do not let this fester too long and be prepared to make some hard decisions for such a short marriage.

HM64

Hi Everyone:

I'm back after a little break... and I'm afraid that I have little to report that's new.

So far, I've done what folks have recommended and used a couple of digital tools to try to find more information. Unfortunately, the well is dry for the most part. That said, Here's what has happened that's new:

1) she's let her guard down on her phone again and the sexting activity has appeared to have picked way up. More men and more pictures, and they're getting racier/raunchier (if you catch my drift).

2) After cross-referencing some names of the OMs, they appear to all be connected to MyFitnessPal.

3) Nothing on the keylogger or after pouring through our phone/financial records.

So, based on what I have, it appears to be EAs, or an exceptionally well-hidden PA.

That being said, have any of you confronted when you believed that it was "just" an EA? How did you prepare? What steps should I take?

Sounds like your wife is just starting on the downward spiral; first sexting, nude pics, then progressing to actual physical contact with OM's. [Ashley Madison etc].

When you confront her give her a choice; no unknown passwords and you check her phone nightly. Either that or you confiscate the damn phone. If she doesn't agree, file for divorce to bring her to her senses. You have to win this battle or a PA is in your very near future.

Sadly the rush your wife gets from this behavior is enormously addictive. Its going to be very difficult to get her to stop. Your marriage is standing on decidedly shaky ground.

One last tip; if you use the VAR please hide it well. A friend of mine just placed it under the car seat and her WS found it. Things turned real ugly.

Hey there,

I just wanted to add one more thing. You mentioned at one point that if you confronted and decided to end it, you would have divorce papers and pack your bags...my advice: do not leave your home! Pack HER bags and SHE can leave. You did nothing wrong here...though be prepared for the wrath when she sees you have been snooping, they don't like you invading privacy. but do not leave your home!

If she is hiding this from you, and if she is "just in a EA" isn't this just as bad as a PA?

I mean come on, she is hiding and lying to you. The one person in the world she should be perfectly safe with. Take some screen shots, or pics of her sexts, and present them to her.

Present them, and be prepared for her to loose her cool. She will be indignent about your snooping, blame you, and make you feel like the bad guy. Remember - "Those with nothing to hide, hide nothing".

I would also strongly recommend seeing an attorney and finding out your rights, and how this will play out. Not filing per se, but knowing if you can leave your marital home without it being considered abandoment, and all that stuff.

If she hasn't gone PA yet, she certainly is on the slippery slope to it, and at the end of the day it probably doesn't matter, because she has already crossed over into the land of lies and betrayals.

((((and strength))))

JUST an EA ???

Leave off the E and it's an A isn't it.

Your WW is talking to other men and showing tthem things only you should see.

If thats not an A, I don't know what is.

It's time confront your WW and end this, one way or another