After roughly four months of keeping my feelings bottled up, I finally confronted my wife about the sexting and the lies. I was firm, direct, and I told her EXACTLY how I felt about it and how I went about finding it all out. I told her that the sexting, a) undermines our mutual and implicit trust in the marriage, b) shows that you have little respect for my feelings, and c) it IS an affair and you've cheated on me.
I also issued her the following choices (well, more like ultimatums if we wanted to stay married):
1) You will go NC with the OMs and show me that you've done so.
2) You no longer have a phone password (or any other password) that is hidden from me, and I can check these at any time. In turn, you receive mine.
3) You will delete your Kik Messenger and not replace it with anything else.
4) You will delete all sexters from your MyFitnessPal account and set better boundaries moving forward. I will also check this regularly.
5) We will make an honest effort to rebuild trust through honesty and open communication in all areas of our marriage, which may include couples therapy if we need it.
6) Violating any of these terms, lying to me, or engaging in any more As means that I am within my right to end the marriage and move on.
For lack of a better expression, I threw down the gauntlet and laid everything out. Faced with my feelings and the facts, she broke down, cried and admitted to me that she was still happy and that she loved me, but that something is missing sexually and she was using sexting to fill that void. My wife is not a person that can cry on command, so I'm convinced that her emotions are real. Based on that, We're going to begin the long road of R. She knows that she has a VERY long time before I can fully trust her again, and that she's going to have to earn it back, but she seemed genuinely remorseful and eager to make things right.
