SurvivingInfidelity.com^®

I'd call her instead of texting.

She needs to hear your voice.

I will. I'm not sure what to say. She knows what is going on, probably more than I do, but I don't want to put her in the middle of ask her to tell her mom to come home.

just tell her you love her and that no matter what she's your daughter and you will always be there for her.

she's old enough to know what's going down.

Oops, my computer almost farted out a duplicate post

[This message edited by doggiediva at 12:01 PM, June 28th (Friday)]

When I was 4-5 years old my Mom and stepdad left my sister and I with my stepdad's parents and went out of town..I was led to believe that my mom and stepdad would be gone for a few weeks..They were gone for over 2 years...My father(by blood) who lived about 10 minutes away from us, never stepped up to the plate to adopt us during this time period or thereafter...

I know that your daughter is much older than I was..I don't know, even to this day why we were left behind with grandparents for such an extended period..All I know is that I felt abandoned, at the time, and it took me years to trust adults and to believe they weren't all liars....

I would voice call your daughter...She needs to hear your voice and I am sure she will have many questions about what her life will look like in the coming weeks/years...

[This message edited by doggiediva at 12:06 PM, June 28th (Friday)]

You don't have to put her in the middle. Don't mention her mother.

Just let her know that your there for her and that if she wants, that you'll come and get her. Your her father now.

tmr nailed it. Just let her know that Dad will come get her.

What has the lawyer said about just going to get her? Is that possible?

Inform your WW that she's welcome to stay and date out there, just not as your wife. Let her know DD is coming home with or without her.

All through text and E-mail. From what you have described, she will deny any agreement that you come to verbally. If you need to, tell her you are too hurt to speak to her and feel safer by doing it through text and/or E-mail.

Strength

Billy,

I only found out about my WH's A about a month ago, and have been a member of this forum for about two days, but let me say: I have received tremendous support to each post I've put on SI. What you're bound to be feeling is natural, and I know we will all be here to listen and help any way we can.

Well, My wife and I have been facebook IMing all day. So, I have been able to copy and paste it into about fourteen pages of transcripts, for documentation. Basically, she says that I am a perfect husband and father except that she is not attracted to me and my diabetes affecting our sex life, she thought she could put that aside and be with me anyway for every other reason, but now she doesn't know if she can. Hurts to say that, as a man, but that's it.

But, I did get to talk to my daughter. I told her than she can come and visit with me or with my mom, her grandma, while her mom is figuring things out and very unstable in every way. My wife is saying that she might be okay with that. That's what I'm working on, is getting her to agree to let me daughter come back home.

I was able to hold it together and be cordial and rational and cool when I was discussing my daughter with my wife, but now I'm breaking apart because on every wall and in every corner, even when I close my eyes, there she is.

first off Billy, one armed manhugs Billy}}}}}

second, i wouldn't put too much stock in her saying she isn't sexually attracted to you. Of course she's going to say that. She has to figure out why she cheated on you and that's all she can come up with. At least she hasn't rewritten the marriage and come up with all sorts of evil things you've done.

Basically, she has poor boundaries, she cheated on you with someone she probably knows is a cretin, and now she's trying to figure out why.

Also, (a little scientific) once a woman has sex with a man a hormone is released that makes her want to be loyal to him (in the short term), and of course the whole unicorn fart thing about the passion.

The thing is, that stuff wears off when she has to live with him day to day. Dirty underwear and unwashed dishes happen every time you live with someone. I'm guessing that a month after living with this "guy" she will really regret it. Who knows if she will have the courage to ask to come back to you. And who knows if you will accept her back.

just don't take what she says too seriously. She's in the fog and she has to justify her actions.

focus on getting your daughter back without having to get the court involved. And if you do have to get the court involved, then get the court involved.

hang in there man.

If your WW intends to stay in CA how does she plan on getting her personal things? If she wants her stuff, make her come and get it. Don't send it to her.

And what about all your daughters things? She surly won't want to leave it all behind.

Billy - how are you doing?

After a few days of roller coaster and back and forth, my WW has agreed to send our daughter back to me, because of all the drama and negative influences there in California. She has went from self-loathing to cocky, still confused, and at this point says that she wants to come back and live with me and our daughter and see if things work out, and if they don't then get her own place nearby. But she's still confused and I doubt she really wants to be my wife. I'm living day by day. I bought the plane ticket, sent all the information, that's what I've been working on for two days, and tomorrow night I'm supposed to pick up my daughter (13) at the airport. I just spoke with my daughter on the phone and confirmed it. Meanwhile, my wife has gotten her hair cut and dyed and removed her facebook marital status and changed her home town back to where she is, now, and I went and talked to my lawyer this morning and gave him 21 pages of facebook IM exchanges where she demonstrates her guilt, her lack of stability, her fear that that place is not safe for our daughter to live in or go to school in, and her willingness to send her to me. So, whatever happens, we'll see.

Billy - sorry she's so crazed, but you're doing the right thing. Number one priority is get your daughter home.

Peace brother.

Awesome!!! Get her home. It sounds bad, but in the best interest of your D, it might be best if WW stays out there for a while, proving what a wonderful, competent parent she knows you to be.

Sucks from the M side. However, If she's making all these changes, coupled with the A do you really see a future with her?

Strength

These changes, coupled with the A and the lies and deception and trickle truth and refusal to come home, you're right, I doubt she will, unless only to get her stuff. Probably what I'm looking at is being a single dad for a while then facing a divorce and custody fight when it's time for school to start back. After having to talk to her so much yesterday I got a little more sad last night than I have been for a few days, and am running on about three hours sleep, but from all indication including her facebook post a minute ago, she is still taking my daughter to the airport this morning.

how are you doing brother, did your daughter make it home?

strength

Yes, I made it back home from the airport with my daughter at 3:30 AM. She was exhausted from flying all day and went straight to bed after petting her dog. But her hugs and love are the strongest ever. Of course her mom keeps texting and calling her, she was drunk over at my daughter's biological dad's house tonight. I could tell from my daughter's end of the conversation that my wife was saying "I bet you don't want to come back, now", and of course my daughter, put on the spot, was saying "Yes, mom, I still do." So, she is here, but for long I don't know, and what I can do next?

Tell her the truth.

That you love her very much and are over the moon know that she's home.

That her mother is in a petty bad mental place right now but you want her to be safe with you until her mother gets her act back together and comes home to you both.

She doesn't need to know that Mom might not be coming home any time soon or ever.

Just keep her safe with you.

[This message edited by Twitchy at 7:36 AM, July 4th (Thursday)]