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I had to make the hardest decision of my life last night. I had to let my sweet little yorkie cross the Bridge. My Coco was a rescue girl who was 10 years old when I got her. She had a tough first 10 years as she was severely abused, had a broken hip, had heartworms that enlarged her heart and she was deaf. Whoever had her before me never played with her, they must of kicked her because she was terrified of feet, she had no clue what toys were and they let her teeth rot. She was born deaf but she was a smart baby.

I got her in October 2011 and I adopted her because she was deaf. I felt a connection to her when I first saw her. I am disabled and so was she, we were perfect for each other. It took her months to trust me enough to sleep on my bed. She was so cute because being deaf she didn't bark..she talked. She would make noises in her throat that sounded like she was talking. She let you know if she needed something like to go out to potty. She was who I talked to and cried to during my divorce. She never left my side if I was sick. She became so close to me that when I got ready to go someplace she knew it and would run to the door to go with me.

I kept her alive for a year after different vets told me to put her down. As long as she showed her little happiness to see me I would not put her to sleep. She started having congestive heart failure from the damage the heart worms did. She was on meds for a year and they worked until Sunday. I rushed her to the Doggie ER and they gave her oxygen and a shot of Lasix, she had fluid in her lungs. When I got her home and put her on my bed she fell flat on her face. She was shaking and couldn't stand up. She also had cataracts and I think the oxygen took the last of her eye sight. I watched her decline for the next three days and prayed she would let go in her sleep. I think she struggled to live because she didn't want to leave me. Wednesday she was so bad that she had no light in her eyes and she kept looking at me like she was begging me to let her go.

I made the appointment with the vet to put her to sleep and I cried all the way there. I held her in my arms and cuddled her and kissed her. I told her how special she was and how much I loved her. I think she understood because she let me snuggle her which she seldom allowed. The vet looked at her and said she was ready to go, that she was in distress. I held her face so that she could see me as she fell asleep and then the gave her the final med to let her go.

I promised Coco that I would make sure that her final years were happy ones. I spoiled her with cute beds, clothes, treats but most of all I gave her love and made her see how special she really was. I know I did the right thing and I know she wanted to let go but it hurts so much to lose her. She was my little buddy and we spent all day every day together. Hell, I got rid of the x easier than letting go of Coco. I know that right now she is running and playing with all the dogs in doggie heaven and she isn't in pain anymore. I just wished I knew if she understood how special she was to me and how much I loved her. I only had her for 1 1/2 years but they were the best years for both of us.

Sorry for this post but I need to express this as a part of me feels like crap for putting her to sleep. I keep thinking that maybe I should have tried more meds or given her more time on the new med, that I put her down to soon, that she doesn't know how much I loved her, that I am a horrible person for doing this. I know she was ready but I wasn't. I miss her so much and can't stop crying.

(((((soverybetrayed))))) I'm so very sorry.

(((soverybetrayed)))

I'm so sorry for your loss. You were a wonderful mom to Coco. I believe with all my heart that she knows just how much you love her.

(((svb))) Coco sounds like a very special little girl. I'm so sorry for your loss.

I lost my Lhasa, Buddy, a few years ago. I wasn't ready to let him go either and I still miss him. More than I ever missed my X. I imagine Buddy and Coco are running around together in a field full of toys and treats and comfy beds.

The pain will ease in time, I promise. Be gentle with yourself.

[This message edited by Thriving at 9:35 PM, July 18th (Thursday)]

((((soverybetrayed)))) My heart goes out to you in the loss of your beloved little friend. I've got two Chi's and I got all choked up reading your post. I am so glad Coco found you and had a wonderful life with you.

(((soverybetrayed)))

You did the right thing every step of the way. She felt compassion and love every second she was with you. Please don't feel guilty for letting her rest - it sounds like it was her time and now she is at peace, knowing love and warmth in her very last moments.

Sending you hugs and strength. She will always be a part of you.

My heart breaks for you

We've lost 3 babies within 10 months and it's absolutely crushing to your whole being. I wish there were something I could say or do to comfort you but I know there is not.

I'm sorry you feel bad for putting her to sleep. Please don't. You did what any loving parent would do and didn't want her to hurt anymore. I know it's hard to see that because you feel like you are controlling when she goes. You are not an awful person. Don't ever think that because you love her so much, you let her go.

You two were blessed with having each other. She knows you love her. They know we love them.

I know it's hard but if you haven't been to the Rainbow Bridge site, you should go. It made me happy and horribly sad. Happy that others loved their babies so much and sad because of everyone so lost and hurting.

If you need to talk, feel free to pm me. I'm sitting here crying for you. We all grieve differently but I know you are hurting very badly now. Know that you are in my thoughts and prayers.

[This message edited by AgainandAgain at 10:17 PM, July 18th (Thursday)]

(((((((((soverybetrayed)))))))))

You were a great mom to him! You did the right thing, in the end.

I'm so very sorry for your loss.

ETA: *HER* Don't mind me, I'm an idiot.

[This message edited by ThoughtIKnewYa at 10:54 PM, July 18th (Thursday)]

I'm so sorry. It is such a heartbreak to lose our sweet, furry companions.

Coco modeled unconditional for you her whole life, as you did to her. I know my pup truly is my soulmate.

Big hugs to you and Coco.

(((soverybetrayed)))

I am sorry for your loss. However lucky Coco was to have someone love her so very much in her final years. What a special bind you formed. I know she felt that as you let her find peace.

Believe me; she knew how much you loved her. (((((soverybetrayed)))))

So sorry for your loss.

They do know how much we love them and think aboout how heavenly her life was those last years. You were a good mommy!

Im so sorry. It's hard to lose a beloved pet even if we had them such a short while.

The last part...we all get it. The what ifs. It's tough to make that call, but knowing deep down the right one to end her suffering. I went through this very thing with my dog 8 months ago.

((((soverybetrayed))))

(((soverybetrayed)))

Sorry for the loss of your Coco.

Having just put down my almost 13 year old golden retriever only last week I know exactly how you feel.

Do not feel guilty. Coco was in distress and likely would no longer be able to experience all of those happy times that you gave her.

How lucky Coco was to have been found by you. Her disabilities and her age may have made her difficult to place, but you took her in...and you taught her to love. Lucky doggie.

Maybe Coco and Charlotte are up there, together, running around with no pain at all.

You gave Coco the peace she needed. It's a very painful, but a very selfless act. You did right for your pet both in life and now in death.

I'm sorry for your pain.

I'm very sorry

Thank you everyone for your kindness. It is so hard to make a decision to let a loved pet go but one that is necessary. I have played the last few moments of her life over and over every night. I am making myself remember how she shook so much those last 3 days and how she would sit up but kept her eyes closed. I don't know why she wouldn't open her eyes. I remember how all she did was sleep and she couldn't find her water in her bowl. I remember how she just laid in my arms before the vet came in and she let me hold her like a baby. She normally fought me if I tried to hold her that way. The worst part was that it was so fast, one minute she was sitting up looking at me and the next she was falling over going to sleep and then she was gone in like 2 seconds.

I understand in my head that I did the best thing for her and I honestly believe she was ready to go. It is my heart that refuses to stop hurting and missing her. I had planned for us to move to our own place next week and now I will be making that trip alone. It will be so lonely without her happy little paws following me around the house. Rest in Peace my lovely Coco.

[This message edited by soverybetrayed at 9:55 AM, July 19th (Friday)]

((((SVB))))

It's such a hard thing to do. Know and be at peace that you did the right thing, and that she is no longer having any problems. Able to be her sassy Yorkie self. Chasing squirrels, and no longer afraid of feet.

She knew and knows you love her.

((((and strength)))

Please accept my heartfelt condolences at the loss of your beloved Coco. She was a special little lady indeed.

I'm so very sorry.

(((soverybetrayed)))