SurvivingInfidelity.com^®

Bumping for those of us who have spouses or partners who are into craigslist encounters, tindr, prostitutes or sex with strangers.

Great practical advice on first page, and a thread full of support.

Please know that you are not alone.

Hugs to us all.

MOB xxx

I haven't read through this whole thread, but please PLEASE pin this to the top. It's exactly what I needed to read at this point.

Bump

bumping for wowzers.

Great practical advice on first page, and a thread full of support.

Please know that you are not alone.

Sorry you are here - but so glad that you found us.

Hugs to us all.

MOB xxx

Bumping for Henr,

I am so sorry that you find yourself here S.I. friend.

Please take care of YOU, your unborn baby and your children.

Thinking of you and feeling your pain.

Hugs to you and to all of us who find ourselves here.

Stay strong

Stay safe,

MOB x

Just a thought.....

Most prostitutes have come from VERY difficult circumstances, are controlled by men who are most often also involved in organised crime or people trafficing. Street prostitutes are even more vulnerable many are financing drug habits and again have very troubled backgrounds.

The reality is that men who pay prostitutes are in extremely powerful position enjoying sex with a woman who is highly unlikely to be enjoying the experience, all because they desperately need the money and have so little self esteem they cannot lift themselves from the horror of prostitution.

What sort of a man has sex with vulnerable women, who do not enjoy the experience

?

Abusive ones.....

I often wonder how many women has my husband victimised over the years.

Hand on my heart, I cannot ever again share my bed with this "person", who has so little respect for me and for women as a whole.

He has two daughters FFS.

Tough - so very very hard to come to terms with.

Peace and hugs to us all, MOB xxx

Thanks Madoldbat for guiding me to this thread. The information here definitely gives me a new perspective.

I'm struggling by keeping things to myself but like many of you I feel too embarrassed to tell my family or friends that H was seeing hookers.

I found about the cheating almost 3 weeks ago and I have asked H so many questions about the encounters that I made myself sick. The need to know everything is killing me and realizing that I might never get the whole truth is making it difficult to process. I hope time will help me feel better and I can stop digging for answers. By now I hand become an expert on tracking my husband's online activity. I kicked him out of the house 2 days ago because we started arguing and even though I don't want to make a permanent decision about the M because I'm 33 weeks pregnant, I feel I need to end it.

Bumping for Blacksheep.

I hope that you are OK sweetheart.

Stay calm.

This behaviour is NOT right.

Please keep reading and posting, hugs to you

MOB x

Bumping for DistantSky,

I'm sorry sweetheart that you had cause to be here on SI, but so glad that you found us.

There are many of us here who share your pain.

You are not alone ((DistantSky))

MOB xx

Bump

THANK YOU!!!! Now I have a lot more reading to do!!!

As my partner's story has unfolded (I am about 10 days post DDay) ... I came to suspect much of what was said in the Parts 1-thru-5 ... but I didn't have the words ... and I so appreciate the clarity.

There's a long road ahead.

I think what I hate the most (at this typing) ... is that ... I am REALLY angry I have to spend my precious time recovering from something I didn't agree to ... I told him my whole story on Night 1 of our relationship, about 3 and a half years ago ... and he told me NOTHING except the usual stuff about past GFs ... of course, if he had ... I would not be here, I would not have gotten involved with him.

But I also know that no prior GF pushed at him to get help, he never told THEM either. So ... in the interest of protecting future women ... I said, it stops here. This is NOT normal. This behavior is not getting you anywhere, and now you've dragged me into it. He ... seems to agree with me. Maybe there is hope. Maybe he is not lying. My intuition has always been that "something else" was going on ... and now ... it feels far more truthful to talk to him.

I broke 15 years of happy celibacy to be with this man ... because I had known him as a friend, for 8 years, at the point we became involved. I told him his friends and family would learn why I am leaving, if I leave ... I hate, positively hate issuing ultimatums and threats. But it has his attention. So, I will work with that.

Thanks for listening.

Sorry we're all here. Sigh.

But I also know that no prior GF pushed at him to get help, he never told THEM either. So ... in the interest of protecting future women ... I said, it stops here. This is NOT normal. This behavior is not getting you anywhere, and now you've dragged me into it. He ... seems to agree with me. Maybe there is hope. Maybe he is not lying. My intuition has always been that "something else" was going on ... and now ... it feels far more truthful to talk to him.

I am glad that you are talking with him Ezri.

Be very careful though NOT to get dragged into his recovery.

Do NOT set up appointments for him

Do NOT research reading or counselling or support groups for him.

To work his way through and past this long-held behaviour, your WS really needs to take control of his own healing.

At a minimum, I would suggest that he makes his own appointments, finds his own CSAT counsellor, researches himself for books / articles / online healing groups.

Try not to let his healing of him subjugate your pain, trauma and your own healing path.

Remember - you cannot fix this for him.

He has to, HAS TO, fix this himself - for himself.

Good luck Ezri.

Stay calm and focus on YOU.

Please keep reading and keep posting.

Hugs, MOB x

Bumping for anyone who has been blindsided by the fact that their WH considers it acceptable to "purchase" a human being in order to satisfy their sexual deviancy.

Hugs and strength and power to us all.

MOB x

Bumping for consideration as an I Can Relate Forum thread.

MOB

Wow I never even knew this thread was here. I posted about having a thread in the ICR forum. Let's hope we get one.

The advice on the 1st page is very good. Of course situations may vary, my FWH never once blamed me or our M after D-Day, he owned up to it right away and said it was his selfish choices and decisions and that he just never though of certain things like STDs or getting caught. He sought IC right away and had basically been a "textbook remorseful WS" ever since. Though I CAN look back and pinpoint times where he completely did gaslight me before D-Day.

Thankfully he never spent any $.

And there are some out there who will immediately deem this type of activity as SA, but that's not always the case.

My FWH is not considered a SA because he doesn't line up with certain SA characteristics, AND because of how he reacted mentally, emotionally, after D-Day, no blameshifting, no gaslighting, took full responsibility for his actions, sought help immediately, etc.

At first I thought he had to be SA, and I did sign up on a message board that was completely dedicated to SA and spouses of SA, I never felt I fit in. Many parts of our situation just didn't compare to the typical SA situation (lack of intimacy within the M, lack of empathy within the M, lack of compassion within the M, feeling like a masturbatory tool during sex with your spouse, feeling little to no emotional connection during sex with your spouse, etc).

Also many SA won't admit fault or admit that what they did was "hurting anyone" until they've been in treatment for a long time. So anonymous encounters or paying for prostitutes doesn't always = SA.

There was TT until I got the full length of time (7 years) and the "body count" was too many for him to remember so I'll never really know that.

[This message edited by HowIsThisReal at 8:13 AM, January 20th (Friday)]

Thank you, MOB.

And bump.

Bumping for soverylost,

Look after yourself my lovely.

Hugs,

MOB x

Bumping for new members

bumping

Thank you to those who bumped up this thread. My initial Dday was about a traditional EA/PA and then TT led to sex with strippers. I hadn't seen this thread and have been having a hard time balancing the two different kinds of infidelity so the timing is great. Off to read the rest now.