SurvivingInfidelity.com^®

DOCUMENT the hell out of it... AND DON'T TELL HER!

You will never convince her that it is in the kids best interest if you have more custody... and quite honestly, you don't need to. Who you need to convince is the Judge. By documenting the times that she gives them back... the hours called to travel... the sleepovers when she has them... that PROVES that she can't take 50% custody.

Thank you. Yes, this is the approach that I am and have been trying to take--take the kids with a smile (of course it's a genuine one, but you know what I mean) and document.

But here is a question. I asked it awhile bAck but I don't believe it was addressed:

Regarding documentation. Why is this so compelling? Can't she just claim that I made it up? That on such-and-such day she DID take the kids? That she was NOT two hours late? That she WAS there on parent-teacher day?

I have everything written in a calendar, with notes. But why can't she just deny it, claiming that I jus wrote it in before the hearing?

KWIM?

AD, IIRC, this job with the lots of traveling is the one your WW was not keen on, but you favored because it was the highest paying? You knew there was a lot of travel involved?

Take the kids. Document. If it ends up that you share 50/50 custody, still take the kids. They are the innocent ones in this.

You have come a loooong way. It is nice to see this new sense of strength you have. But don't get so caught up in the "game" that you toget who you are fighting for.

But here is a question. I asked it awhile bAck but I don't believe it was addressed:

Regarding documentation. Why is this so compelling? Can't she just claim that I made it up? That on such-and-such day she DID take the kids? That she was NOT two hours late? That she WAS there on parent-teacher day?

I have everything written in a calendar, with notes. But why can't she just deny it, claiming that I jus wrote it in before the hearing?

KWIM?

That's why you keep emails and/or text messages. Forward them, print them, download them, whatever....you have them as supporting documentation to your facts. Shouldn't be a problem for you at all!

[This message edited by cjonesjag at 7:10 PM, August 25th (Sunday)]

But don't get so caught up in the "game" that you toget who you are fighting for.

Never.

something an attorney told me to do was buy a journal with either dates or numbered pages.

just keep notes about the kids. Dentist appts, practice times ect. Then you note pick ups and drop offs too. You're just documenting the daily activities you need to keep track of. It looks more sincere than "bitch didn't pick up the kids...again.

And remember to not editorialize with comments, or punctuation.

Just the facts.

Dates. Times. Facts. Period.

Regarding documentation. Why is this so compelling? Can't she just claim that I made it up? That on such-and-such day she DID take the kids? That she was NOT two hours late? That she WAS there on parent-teacher day?

Sorry I missed this one. Of course she can claim that you made it all up. That's why I asked about the neighbors. Get enough "facts" verified and the journal is accepted. I submitted about 300 pages of journaling along with a calendar that only provided the "facts". One supported the other. The Judge looked at both, though only "accepted" the calendar.

Did you perchance get her comment about quitting her job on VAR? Awesome piece of evidence showing her priorities. Might not be admissible on direct testimony, but useable for rebuttal.

Doing Good!

Strength

What? Wait . . . she'll quit her job, but not the affair?

THAT is most telling!

Hi, All,

My attorney is drafting a motion requesting temporary relief for me, including temporary support and exclusive use and possession of the home.

I am relieved the ball is rolling.

Good Dad. Now, IGNORE HER. Do not answer any crazy texts, emails or words. Do not talk to her at all. There is nothing to talk about. You have the kids, and her next stint shouldn't be until next week sometime, correct? Because you now have them for her time, then will have them for your time. The ONLY contact you need to have with her right now is the next time she is suppose to pick up the kids, and hopefully in the temp orders you are locking down that exchanges are to happen at 9am, or after school, or whatever it is going to be. You don't need to talk to her at all.

What? Wait . . . she'll quit her job, but not the affair?

THAT is most telling!

Of course not, Alphakitte. If anything I am sure she is clinging even more closely to him now that she has been deprived of the needs I was meeting.

I try not to think of him and their "thing" anymore, but I am bitterly amused at the thought if him desperately trying to meet all of her needs, thus proving himself "worthy" of her now that he has "won"

Good luck with that, buddy. You've got a lo of work to accomplish. And it will never end, as she is a bottomless pit of needs.

Its easy to support and be there for someone going thru a divorce. It's a whole different game afterwards and it becomes REAL.

After a dose of her reality, he will be looking for the first unicorn outta there!

Regarding documentation:

Follow me here,,,Let's say you keep a journal or calendar. It shows all these days she is gone. At a pre trial hearing your atty shows her atty how often she is gone, etc. Her atty will say to your wife, "is this right, and don't lie to me". She will say yes. He will say to her, "look, I know you love your kids, but you are only home 100 days out of an entire year. You can't get full custody. I'll get you every other weekend with the kids and we'll try to get flexibility during the week if you are home. Or, do you want to quit your job, stay home with the kids and live on the child support Abbondad will pay you?"

Does this make sense? You do this recordkeeping for leverage and reality and possibly show a judge.

I had a great witness who saw a lot between XWH and OW - in the OW house before and during a party. I had a sworn depo I thought I was gonna use in court. It was only what she saw, so I was afraid the judge wouldn't believe her. BUt, at a pretrial meeting, the other atty was acting pompous. My atty took this ladies deposition, called his atty out in the hall. They were gone for a while. WHen they came back XH atty took XH into another room and shut the door. angrily. I guess XWH had lied about his affair. After that, I got pretty much what I wanted. Except my H's mind back!!

My friend kept a daily entry into a spiral notebook. Her XH tried to get her son after a couple of years. The spiral notebook showed he rarely got his son. Case closed. The judge believed her.

[This message edited by homewrecked2011 at 4:37 PM, August 27th (Tuesday)]

I got a ledger book from an office supply store. Everyday had its own page, it was inexpensive and worked great for documenting. After the first year I graduated to every contact thru email. I printed every exchange we had. In 2 years, it was housed in a 3inch 3 ring binder. During CS modification mediation his attorney brought out a copy of an exchange- my attorney asked the date and pulled out THE BINDER - the look on HIS attorneys face when he saw the complete exchange was priceless.

Document-you don't know what good it will do or prove. I can guarantee if you don't document- you will wish you had!

Hugs,

K

Thank you for the advice, Kajem and Homewrecked. I have a pretty detailed calendar, as well as a journal.

Hi,

I've been finding myself scrolling through numerous posts today and reading with pain "Reconciling" in so many tag lines and feeling bitter envy. (Not bitterness at the members, KWIM?)

I tried so hard and for so long that I feel I should have "won." Normal I suppose. It really hurts though.

I feel cheated out of my family, my happiness, my simple dreams for this life.

I shouldn't be torturing myself like this, I know.

All the shock and hurt just comes back sometimes seemingly out of nowhere.

Just having a rough day I guess. Not sure why. Nothing happened. I hope tomorrow is better.

I'm sorry that you're sad.

All the shock and hurt just comes back sometimes seemingly out of nowhere.

For me, this happens in R as well. There are days when it just reaches out and slaps me.

There will be some bumpy days, it's all part of the roller coaster.

You're doing great. Keep your eye on the end result, a life without the craziness and drama, and you'll get there.

Hang in there AD. This too shall pass. I know it sounds trite, but it is true.

((((HUGS))))

I am more than 5 years out now from D and 2 years almost from drama and still try to stay away from the R forum or posts relating to it. I try to choose my pain rather than crash into it. I think that is just the new normal for me. Try to protect yourself for right now.

reading with pain "Reconciling" in so many tag lines and feeling bitter envy. (Not bitterness at the members, KWIM?)

Yep, with you there. XWW was remorseless and relentless. I can make many claims now that I was the strong one, I filed for D, I wanted her gone. TBH, at almost anytime in the process before the D was final, she could have told me that she had given up the OM and wanted to work on us and at the very least, I would have wavered. Heck, even after the D was final(she fought all the way through the state supreme court) she invited me out to supper on May 5th for a "family anniversary dinner" and I went! Just hoping> June 6th(my b-day) (yes ironically the *real* D-day) she called to offer sex??? I thought about it.

Today(20+ years later and with the knowledge gained here) I consider myself lucky to be out of a situation where I was being abused. Even after 2 more women decided to add me to the notches on their belts, I'm lucky.

Sorry you are feeling this way today. This too shall pass. The sun will come up, you'll get the kids to school and another day filled with opportunities will begin.

As always, I am sending you strength to get through the day.

Keep on