SurvivingInfidelity.com^®

Envy?

Once you start to accept the reality of who your W really is, as a person, that envy will go away. You can't compare other people's R to your D. Many of them had extremely remorseful spouses, non NPD spouses, etc.

Careful with envy. It's a recipe for making yourself miserable. Try replacing it with thankfulness for what you DO have. A job, healthy kids, and a whole lot more.

Hi,

Is there a way to access my earlier threads (even going way back to December) or are they long gone? Permanently deleted?

(They're no longer on the Board.)

I would like them to help with documentation.

Thanks!

AD..I think if you pay for Premium Access,it will allow you to see all of you past posts.

Once you start to accept the reality of who your W really is, as a person, that envy will go away. You can't compare other people's R to your D. Many of them had extremely remorseful spouses, non NPD spouses, etc.

Thanks, Nomistake. I understand... I know I'm not being logical.

AD - I used to have that envy too back when I thought my ex just was weak and had a midlife crisis. It has been over 4 yrs since he started his affair and I have yet to see any remorse and he continues to try to financially screw me and he make almost 3 times what I do. All the signs of major assholeness were there, but I was blind to it and kept seeing the good in him. He has no good in him. I am soooooooooo thankful we are not together. I am also thankful that my kids may have less influence from him, maybe this is for the best for them in a majorly f up way.

(((AD))))

As someone who was able to R, let me tell you that there were plenty of times I looked at the D forum, and wished I was there, as it seemed when days were difficult that would have been an easier path.

My point being, that no matter which road we travel it is difficult.

Be proud that you did try, and tried everything including tolerating being abused to attempt R.

Be at peace knowing that the path you are going down is the right one. The M you thought you had was not real anymore, and you will end up being a much happier, stronger, better man and role model for your kids.

Hang in there. If you look at those old posts, I think you will see how much stronger you are now, and ultimately providing for your kids a stable loving home for them.

Here we go again: repeat of last week.

WW, if you recall, after having the kids a whopping ten hours or so after I had them five days, she was called out of town.

"I will take them Friday til Tuesday."

OK. (Documented.) I've had them for another five days.

I text her this morning: "what time are you getting the kids tomorrow?" (Friday.)

No response until now:

"Six. But I need to you to get them Tuesday morning for bus stop."

WHAT? Six? And you won't bring them to school? Uh, no. If you want them til Tuesday that includes getting them to school on Tuesday. Your time doesn't end Monday night.

I texted her back: "I can't get them to the bus Tuesday morning. If you can't get the kids to school I will be glad to take them Monday/Monday night."

No response yet. I am sure she is fuming, believing that as always it is I who is making this difficult.

50/50? Can you imagine? This temporary parenting schedule order can't come soon enough.

And my son just asked, "When is mommy coming?"

"Six o'clock."

He is upset once again.

I. Hate. This.

Remember, as much as it sucks, right now, it's a good thing. She keeps proving by her own words that she can't do 50/50. Just smile, and know it will end,and you will know when you will have the kids soon.

I text her this morning: "what time are you getting the kids tomorrow?" (Friday.)

No response until now:

"Six. But I need to you to get them Tuesday morning for bus stop."

WHAT? Six? And you won't bring them to school? Uh, no. If you want them til Tuesday that includes getting them to school on Tuesday. Your time doesn't end Monday night.

I texted her back: "I can't get them to the bus Tuesday morning. If you can't get the kids to school I will be glad to take them Monday/Monday night."

Your response is perfect. Looking at what is occurring, full or primary custody would not be out of the question.

And my son just asked, "When is mommy coming?"

"Six o'clock."

He is upset once again.

Fill their time with happiness. This is the most traumatic thing(outside of this special hell) they will ever experience. I know you can.

Strength

Hi,

STBXWW wants me to drop the lawyers and return to mediation. Again, in the best interests of the children and our ability to co parent and afford their future.

This after her threat to me a few days ago that "you don't know what you're getting into! This is your last chance!"

She knows she can't pull off 50/50 custody, so she wants to pressure you through mediation to get an advantage. Continue with the pit-bull lawyer. She is seeing you have great representation and she wants to deal with you alone, since she could dominate in the past when dealing with just you.

This!!!!

Thank you. I've learned my hard lessons. No more discussions. I've not responded and am proceeding.

My days of being bullied and manipulated are over.

Breathe

Sorry.

AD, you're right on track. Her desperation is palpable. Her atty has probably looked at her demands and advised this course of action. Her desperation will probably get worse, engendering all kinds of threats and offers of reconciliation.

I've learned my hard lessons. No more discussions.

Stick to your guns. You are doing the right thing, and you know it.

Again, in the best interests of the children and our ability to co parent and afford their future.

Not theirs, Hers

Her primary concern. It really sucks to think/know that this is her real priority.

Strength

[This message edited by 5454real at 10:03 PM, August 31st (Saturday)]

FWIW your lawyer can handle mediation for you.

WW sent me an iphone pic of a page from a book (her finger pointing at the particular passage) stating how damaging divorce lawyers and litigated divorce are to children and advises parents to work it out themselves.

Again, I didn't want this. I didn't want the divorce and I didn't want to go this route. But she had two years--two years of me telling her to stop her infidelity or I will divorce her.

So now she is taking the guilt approach. ME! I should feel guilty. I wonder when I will stop being stunned.

Crickets.

((((AD))))

Fuck me I'd be tempted to send her a pic of your middle finger.

Lawyers don't make it nasty - the parties do.

You tried to work it out between you. It didn't work. It was never going to with a nasty piece of work like her. I doubt ANYONE could do it given what has been going on between you since pre and post-DD.

DO NOT FALL FOR IT DUDE. You are not being unreasonable. You are not out to fuck her over. You and she may disagree about the details but that is not a scorched earth divorce, its a divorce. Its unpleasant and difficult just as a breakup from infidelity is.

You or she can make it even nastier if either of you are out to screw the other royally. Or if either of you bring the kids into it.

My money is on her using the kids as weapons the first opportunity she gets.

Unfortunately this would happen whether you go through L's or not. You KNOW this.

Please remember she knows exactly which buttons to press because she installed the fuckers (credit to NIK).

You need to smash your give-a-fuck. Like, yesterday. Her concern is for herself. NOT your children.

I've just been through a year of this horrible process. Finalised last month. Neither of us got everything we want. He reneged on our verbal agreement and has fucked me over every way he could. I fought what I could - I let go of what I could not.

My girls have struggled with many aspects of this divorce but the use of lawyers has not factored in that at all - not even one little bit.

In fact I think it would have been far more combative had we tried to duke it out between us. That would have impacted the girls for sure.

Your give-a-fuck. Break it.

[This message edited by StrongButBroken at 7:40 AM, September 1st (Sunday)]

Two can play at that game, but it isn't worth it.

You could always send back a photo of your son's finger pointing at a photo of her t*ts and ask her what damage she thinks that's done. It is so telling that she hid those messages to AP when living with you, but as soon as she's on her own it is too inconveient to hide them from her son. Her priorities have not changed!

Nevermind, she won't get it.

Wow - what StrongButBroken said. You need to make "My "give a damn's busted" your mental mantra. I'm sending strength and hugs to you in your continued dealings with your STBX. I don't have words to express my feelings about her actions (at least ones that I could post here!).