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...it just will not stop until the court order is in place: she just TOLD me she is bringing the kids to our neighborhood right now so they can play with their friends--and that she will be in our house.

This is her weekend with the kids.

I did not want to get into a fight. I am biding my time until the order is in place granting me exclusive rights to and possession of the home.

I asked her how long she would be there.

Her response: "it is my home too and I will come in when I want." Click. Hung up on me.

I am staying away until she is gone. If I go home she will try to engage me and likely in front of the children.

Don't you have some obnoxious friends that don't care for her that youcan invite over?

Lock up anything and everything that pertains to your divorce, including all electonic media. If you can't secure it in house then hide it and lock it in your vehicle.

Don't you have some obnoxious friends that don't care for her that youcan invite over?

^^^^^^^X1000

For multiple reasons. Primarily that you want to watch football uninterrupted.

Well, not really. You can't afford to be alone with her!!! As I stated earlier, she's escalating. A false DV charge would be devastating to you and totally in character for her.

Strength

You can't afford to be alone with her!!! As I stated earlier, she's escalating. A false DV charge would be devastating to you and totally in character for her.

Totally agree with this, AD. Do not respond to her, do not talk to her, do not engage in any back and forth with her.

If you don't already have a VAR, buy one. Now. Carry it with you at all times. Protect yourself. She may not go that far, but you need to be ready in case.

Sending you strength.

She has her own place now and she still wants to come to YOUR house and hang out with the kids? This is cake eating. Does she intend to bring OM over also? I don't think that is a good idea in any way, shape or form. If she were to bring him over I would get a RO for him right then. It may be her home too but it is also YOUR home where you reside with your children.

yeah she is escalating once again. just stay smart and stay firm. I would however put away any paperwork you have in the house, if she is there she may snoop and try to get rid of some things. I bet money that her attorney has told her she is screwed unless she can get you to back off some how.

you do notice that the more you tend to be "right" about things the more manipulative she gets. ignore, do not respond, yet as everyone has said keep a VAR with you and on.

Password your computers and phone also. Be. Very. Careful.

Load every device or paper or anything You have used to communicate about this divorce up in your car, lock it up and take it with you. I personally would put an extra lock on all my doors and lock them. That way to get in she'd have to make a pretty big scene or get the cops involved and I think she would look like a complete moron for doing so.

Personally, when my now ex and I were in the stage that you are in, I believe had he walked in my home he would have found himself peeing through a catheter for the rest of his life.

Don't leave. She's probably going to put a VAR in your home.

180, NC, detach.

Hi,

WW texted me that she is leaving the house (finally), but then proceeded with "I cleaned up, I will be glad to bathe the dogs next time, and I left some food for you in the fridge. The kids are happy."

1) More "Mother of the year" ammunition for her case?

Or

2) Hoovering?

Crickets. I wod throw that food straight in the trash . I hope any personal documentation you have was in a safe place. Her cleaning covers up things being moved due to her snooping. It's bs. She is just trying to create more smoke for her mirrors.

Make sure your A knows about this behavior. She's such a great mom she sends her kids to go play at the neighbors during her limited time with them.

She thinks she is smart and clever but we all see through it. I bet the judge will too.

First, talk to your L about exclusive use of the house ASAP (Telsa's dog was stolen - she recommends this as a first course of action all the time). This could take months or years.

You being 'nice' isn't going to stop her fuckery, it may delay it for a bit and allow her a whole bunch of ways to mess with your life and mind.

Second, stop wondering WHY she is doing shit and take steps to stop her. Who gives a fuck? How does it help when you're not doing a damn thing to stop her. I would be hugely creeped out if the sad clown was rifling through my stuff.

I am all for remaining civil. I'm all for not making this any harder or more contentious than it needs to be.

I am NOT for being a doormat.

You are not her husband anymore. You don't have to put up with this bullshit.

She has rifled through your things looking for ammunition or has taken things. She may even have installed a VAR. Are you OK with any of that?

You need to tell her you don't want her in your house. If you have sisters or other anyone that hate her guts get them on speed-dial to come over and glare at her.

She has zero regard for your boundaries because you appear to have zero regard for your boundaries.

First, talk to your L about exclusive use of the house ASAP

.

I have, Strong. In fact it was my attorney who wanted to do this when I told her last week what has been happening. The motion for rights and exclusive use of the home will be filed this week.

You need to tell her you don't want her in your house. If you have sisters or other anyone that hate her guts get them on speed-dial to come over and glare at her.[/quote

I did tell her. She tacitly refused. She has the kids with her and I know she has no problem making a scene in from of them; I do. I am biding my time while the motion is being filed, takin the kids when she cannot (most of the time), and giving her her rope.

Thanks!

This stuff made me realize I was doing the right thing! I can't tell you how great it will be when she can't come in any more. It pissed my WH off severely, but I was so peaceful once the order was in place.

The motion for rights and exclusive use of the home will be filed this week.

YAY! Good going!

Phew - good news.

Now to lock her fuckery out of your mind. Don't wonder, don't torture yourself with ny 'what ifs'. The reason she does this stuff is because she is a heartless, cruel, nasty piece of work.

I absolutely foresee a false claim of DV against you. DO NOT put it past her. Expect the unexpected because they pull the most shocking fuckery when they are desperate. I could not believe what the sad clown tried to pull - TBH I still can't quite believe it. You can bet your arse I expect it now.

This is as much a question that I want answered and I'm sure Abb would like to hear the answer too;

Do any of you imagine she will look back on this in a couple of years time, when it is all over and done with and the dust has settled, and she will be ashamed of her behaviour?

From what I see so far, I reckon my STBXWW will forever justify her actions to her dying day.

Bitch

[This message edited by allatsea at 2:48 AM, September 2nd (Monday)]

I have no idea, AAS. In my case I am convinced my STBXWW is seriously personality-disordered, so for true selfless shame to occur, she would have to "cure" herself first to become even capable of the emotion of shame.

This is highly unlikely, as her past behavior is the best predictor of future behavior.

I have seen her tearfully sorry many times, but it was fleeting and ultimately directed toward herself.

I think it will also take a total implosion of the relationship between our WWs and their APs for the "spell" to break and for the human emotion of shame to well up in their minds.

In any case, let's not hold our breath. I know we both want to see this, badly. Cosmic justice calls for it. But I honestly, sadly, don't believe it will happen. Or if it does, they will feel it in private. To express it to us would be admitting wrong, and our WWs simply don't believe they have DONE wrong. Remember: this is our fault, not theirs.

Such irrational blame shifting is all they have. I predict at least in my case this will continue for the rest of her life.

I fear you are right :(

The best analogy I have heard for people like this is that they are hollow, much like a hollow chocolate Easter bunny.