Your replies did have an effect on me. Not only did I go to the Pastor of our church, I also met with the parents of this teenager, the very night of the post and 20 some replies I received at that time.
I would first like to say thank you to all that replied. Some of you, yes were more gentle in tone than others, but either way, I appreciate the honest opinion of everyone, whether gentle or blunt I'll say. It helps to see that no matter the tone of the response, we all can agree how wrong it was and what should be done. I realize there will have to be some assumption because in dealing with the lies, you almost have to assume the worst is going on. With men I see this easily, myself a man, but with women, well it's all about the emotion, lines crossed, yes,... child predator... nah... I keep thinking Chris Hansen, To catch a predator... no, not her. Well, Thank you again.
I wanted to wait a few days for the situation to settle and feelings to be processed, steps to be taken before coming back and posting a response.
Our pastor came over the next day after I told him and talked with us for over two hours. He expressed the same concerns as everyone here, about everything that happened and the seriousness of it all. After all, they do background checks and have protocols for situations just like this and even training on what is inappropriate conduct with youth. (Wife must of missed or forgot that) He wants to continue meetings and we have another scheduled this week. He also will talk with the parents.
The parents came and yes, my wife only admitted to the mom that she had been texting him secretly, but no context was discussed. So when I was with both the parents, I told them of the seriousness of it, the "I love you" and "Can't wait to see you" talk daily. The mother was of course surprised and her first question was, "is this true?", to which my wife cried and said that her first intentions were only friendship (typical response) because he seemed so depressed and that no-one understood him. My wife did a lot of crying and apologizing. His parents were calm, they listened mostly. I think also they are going to need time after they heard such things. The bigger issue was their son, I have no idea of the closeness they have with him, but He is also going to need someone to open up too, to work through the hurt of it all. It would normally be a little weird to think about the other person this way, but he is just a teen.
I am glad I told them, so that they could help him. As some of you have posted, that could really screw with a 16yo and being able to relate correctly to the opposite sex, leaders, married people, etc.
As I exposed the situation to our pastor and to the parents, I was re-living everything over again. It was foolish to think I could somehow be content in this bubble of secrecy with someone who couldn't be trusted. It seems also to be true that the person who is betrayed can have their judgement clouded and be motivated by just the feelings of it all and not what is truly the right thing to do in the circumstance. That is why it's very helpful to have a safe forum like this, to get the clearer picture of the corrective action. The biggest thing is that bond of betrayal that we unfortunately carry, but it does now gives us the tools to encourage each other and suggest the hard, but corrective things to do.
I will update again. Thank you.
[This message edited by ItsNotYouitsMe at 12:22 PM, August 19th (Monday)]