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So....let me start by saying I have laid out my boundaries and moved into our spare room. I am also 180 hard. He was initially remorseful and wanted to know what He needed to do to get me to move back into our room and make things right. I laid it all out, TT, NC,IC and MC. He booked an IC same day and called her to say NC. I was hopeful but still hesitant. I don't actually know if he kept IC appoint he claims yes and did tell me some things IC said, such as this "friend is not a good idea". And proceeded to assure me he is NC. He has a habit of gas-lighting and just getting sneakier so you can understand my hesitation in believing. My WH is very angry about my initial snooping of his phone which is what gave me the proof of EA, so he always says to me if you check my phone and see this message it's such and such sending stupid stuff....meaning guys he works with. He doesn't let his phone out of his possession much so I don't have many opportunities and in fact haven't had access in at least 10 days.

Well....last night and this am phone was lying on counter so I checked it. You can all guess what I found. New chatty texts from OW asking things that if NC she wouldn't know like how the work party he was having at our house was going last eve. This AM she asked twice if he was stoping by today.

Soooo, here is where I got sneaky and kinda nasty. I took pictures of texts for evidence for later, and then deleted them all and any evidence of her conversation before he could see. He is not really tech savvy so when she gives him shit, he will swear he never got them, she is just tech savvy enough that she will tell him he is lying and try to prove to him. I know my WH he will not take kindly to being told he doesn't know what he is talking about, she does not know him well enough to know this....can we all say trouble in paradise. Things are gonna get ugly.

NEVER mess with a scorned wife who is still extremely pissed off and is determined to keep her marriage. especially one who knows her WS so well that she can honestly say at this point he is just being a big naive stubborn idiot! He will ask me if I know anything and I will innocently look at him and say " you know I don't touch your phone after you got so angry about me snooping ".

I love these bitch boots, love 180 and although I know it is sneaky and nasty, I love making trouble for him and OW

Sorry about the length of this post...but I had to share.

Awesome!

You're very calm for someone who JFO your WH is lying to you still. Honestly, if my H was still being pissy about me "snooping" it would be over.

Keep us updated!

Sounds like the NC and TT boundaries you layed down have just been crossed. How will you be addressing that with your WH?

I would of sent her a loving text to my wife that "accidentally" got sent to her. Then deleted it.

I am calm...when I get really angry I get very calm and methodically plot my revenge. It takes allot to get me to this point but once I am there I am not someone you want to mess with. I never physically hurt anyone, I just like to mess with people's minds and reality, nothing illegal just harmless meddling that causes problems for you.

I will eventually address the violation of rules I set down...that is why I took pictures. I just want to mess with everyone for a bit and let things blow up a bit first. I need a little fun in my life right now. I am amassing evidence such as pictures of his truck at her place and now the texts. Confronting at each violation isn't working so I am playing hard ball. Will compile evidence let him play the loving husband and try to win me out of 180. Play with them both anonymously as much as I can and grin deep inside. When I am ready I will lay it all out and give him an ultimatum and if he argues the next stop is the lawyers office.

I thought about texting her but I know my WH he is a big stubborn naive idiot that at times is like a 2 yr old about this situation. If I text or call her I know he will just take it as a challenge and contact just to spite me. This is where we are in this right now. I don't want him to know I am messing with him or her.

I am 180 hard so he is getting a taste of being single. I won't do laundry or cook meals he wants. I don't run errands for him and left him to deal with the work party he had last night

( it was all guys and I would normally have made appetizers and extra food and got the yard all cleaned up for him...poor baby had to get everything ready himself). He complained and asked me why I was being like this, I told him...you get to put yourself first all the time especially thinking you deserve your new " friend", well guess what since the person in my life who is supposed to make me #1 has chosen to make someone else a priority, I have to take care of myself! Then I walked away!

These bitch boots fit great, I don't know if I will ever take them off!

He can't ask you about the texts because there is supposed to be NC.

[This message edited by k9lover1 at 1:04 PM, August 30th (Friday)]

I see nothing wrong with a little mind fucking while you get your evidence together.

Love it!

However..you saw the texts..broken NC..and they've clearly been meeting in person. So the affair is continuing. Those texts were more than enough evidence..no?

Unless you're pretty much done,and just want to fuck with them. In which case,you have my full support.

Im sorry he's being a complete POS. You deserve far better.

((((emotionalgirl))))

IMO, you would have been much better off to have confronted him with the solid evidence you had, then brought down the hammer of the consequence of broken NC (if you have any) and go from there.

My guess? He tries to see her to see the texts that she sent.

Chances are, he'll just take things underground if he figures out you're messing with him.

Trust me, most of them do go underground.

AJ's MOM

What will happen is WH will say

" someone" texted him and he didn't receive the texts. He won't tell me it was her, he will try to get me to help him figure out what is wrong with his phone. Trust me I have dealt with this man for 25 yrs. this is what will happen lol.

I am just not ready to confront and need more time to get life's ducks in a row sooooo although I am pretty much done and am living in our spare room. He is "playing" at being the devoted H. Doing stuff around the house, bringing flowers etc. I just say thanks and go on about my business.

I am just enjoying 180 and getting my ducks in a row....I can't walk away for quite awhile yet (personal reasons I can't explain). I want to amass a pile of evidence just for the dramatic display at the end, it will give e pleasure to lay it all out and watch his face. I just want to mind fuck with them both for awhile for my own fun and enjoyment!

IMO, I would have confronted,

I think what you are doing has the potential to backfire

What happens if playing this little mind game, actually makes them bond even more, once the truth comes out,

^^^ If the only reason that she's staying right now is to settle personal and financial business, who cares if they bond tighter? Me, if I had made up my mind that enough was enough, I'd get some of my own back too, if the opportunity arose. But then, I never played a nice person on TV or anywhere else!

Word to the wise: Our

Plan A's seldom work out. If we don't have a Plan B in mind we're setting ourselves up for a very hard, face-first landing on the concrete. You are playing with fire. Hope you have a flame-proof suit.

Dear Em,

Be prepared for the OW to purchase a secret phone for your WS to use to contact her.

The affair isn't over.

k9

Well my anger got the better of me....she kept texting and as I have never spoken to or confronted her, I sent her a text back letting her know that she is a dirty little secret and how does that feel and many other things. I got kind of nasty. She responded just as nastily...it got kind of ugly. My WH does not know yet, he is asleep so will confront when he wakes up. This might blow up in my face completely, but right noe I just don't care. We live like room mates right now and have for awhilr and he is making no effort to consider my feelings in this. Unless he chooses to put me first and go NC I am done. I won't live wondering if she is always getting the secrets and the real conversations in our marriage.

Time to shit or get off the pot....

Unless he chooses to put me first and go NC I am done. I won't live wondering if she is always getting the secrets and the real conversations in our marriage.

Gently... She already is getting this. You know this. You have seen multiple text evidence and his truck in her parking lot.

First of all, thankyou all for your support and i apologize for the length of this post. I just feel the need to clear some things up. Sometimes in my crazy babbling I don't give all the facts. So here they are....aug 16 was the last time I found his truck outside her place. I confronted he ignored me. A day later he tells me he has spoken to his IC who told him that what I am saying is correct and that this friendship is not healthy for our marriage. He swore he was going NC and that he understood. I decided to 180 anyway and moved into our spare room on the Monday. He begged and cried asked what he needed to do to make it right. I stated my limits and boundaries also laid out what he needed to do to work towards R, but I stood my ground and stayed 180 hard core.

Although he has been the perfect spouse in respect to no cell after work( he turns it off) and has been home every night but one of which I investigated due to doubts and have proof of where he was and who he was with. So he has not seen her since the 16 th I have proof of that. I knew the asshat hadn't cut all contact but was just waiting in stealth for the proof.

Last night he had a big work BBQ at our house ( I did not help at all which really distressed him). His cell was sitting in the house ( it is usually locked in his truck, off, or glued to his hip). The texts start and they did not stop. It was very obvious from the content that he had been in recent contact by text or phone. I just made the instant choice to mind fuck with them to see what happened for better or worse ( I have come to terms with the fact that R may never happen and am ok with it. Just not walking away right now for my own reasons so figured what the hell...worst case, it drives him closer to her and I have my total answer). Kept deleting until the last text...which said "why haven't you gotten back to me? I need to know what our plans are and if we are going fishing tomorrow?" I lost it..we have family visiting in town and got invited to my in laws cottage to spend the weekend.

WH had asked if I could put things aside and take boat to the cottage with him to visit on sat. I agreed to be civil as we have not informed families what is going on. The invitation from family came at the beginning of week and WH asked me this yesterday..so obviously he had asked her before he remembered the invite and asked me. This just pushed every button and I lost it.

I sent her a text from his phone stating that he would be spending the weekend with his wife and that she needed to stop interfering in my marriage and trying to lure a married man and suggested she find a single boyfriend. The conversation got nasty on her part, I remained calm and stated the facts of her behaviour, she called me a bitch told me if I was taking him for granted that she would make sure he had comfort.

He was asleep through the whole thing. When he woke up I told him what I had done and showed him the texts. I have always maintained that my WH is a naive idiot who didn't get her intentions, she needed a friend and made him feel good so he thinks all is ok. The look on his face was priceless as he read the texts. Then....trickle truth started. The whole story, how she needs a friend and makes him feel needed. He swore NC but instead had just texted her and said the couldn't see each other in person for awhile and could still be text friends. How he thought I was crazy thinking she had bad intentions and he couldn't walk away from a female in need of a friend.

I told him...you have proof of her intentions, and she is obviously more important than our marriage. Asked why he would want to keep a friendship with someone who honestly says their intention is to make him her own. Told him to think hard and if he wants her to go ahead, he can't have us both. He cried , thanked me for exposing the issue and told me that as of that minute the friendship is over. I asked for NC text he refused stating that she won't believe it is from him would likely think it is me and that she is likely so angry that she won't text him anymore anyway.

I told him that I predict a text in a couple of days saying what a bitch I am and how she doesn't understand why he is with me...sympathizing and trying to maintain relationship. He will not accept a secret cell from her I know as that would be the ultimate proof she is up to no good and a bad person and he just does not believe that of her. He maintained until he saw my text conversation that she was just a friend and wouldn't hurt his marriage like that.

I told him that I don't believe that he will stay no contact at all and that once she starts texting he will automatically respond. Advised him to speak with his IC about the whole thing and see what his opinion is. He begged me to trust him and to put our marriage back where it was. I told him I am so far from trusting him I don't know if I can ever get it back.

Staying 180 hard...but will ease up a bit so I can spend weekend with family I love, then back to as it is right now. Don't know if we will ever reach a point of R and at this point I am ok either way. I love him, don't want to loose 25 yr marriage and am willing to work together to make it strong but it is all up to him. We are living like roommates right now anyway and I can't walk away right now for reasons I don't want to get into. If he chooses to put me first and fight for our marriage then great if not then his loss!

Still wearin my bitch boots....still angry, but a bit melancholy too. I am not feeling very hopeful at this point so just putting in time and making sure my ducks will all be in a row when it all comes crashing down as I am pretty sure it will at this point. I will be completely prepared. I am totally realistic in this situation.

Thanks all for letting me vent and set the facts straight. And thanks for all your kind and wise words.

[This message edited by emotionalgirl at 6:54 PM, August 30th (Friday)]

Emotionalgirl....you are wearing bunny slippers. Not bitch boots.

Bitch boots would have made him send an NC text regardless of his protestations or crocodile tears.

EG, this guy does NOT have your back.

You keep 'lying in wait' for him to fuck up....then he does....and what are his consequences? You give him a stern *talking to*, he cries and acts as if what you are telling him is some kind of Holy Grail....and then he continues contact with her. Lather.Rinse.Repeat.

I have a feeling that he's not as naive and stubborn as you are saying that he is. He's playing you.

And food for thought....the 'stubborn' thing is bugging me. Are you saying that he's continuing to remain in contact with OW because he's stubborn??? Let me ask you something....does it sound like a good idea for a WS to dig their heels in over contact with an OW that is most likely going to cause the marriage to implode? If he is THAT invested in is stubborn 'power play', then you need to cut the line on him. He is not 'partner' material.

Gonna be....I can't walk out and cut the line right now for reasons I don't care to get into. My marriage is going to implode I know this and have pretty much resigned myself to it. What I mean by wearing bitch boots is I am not giving him anything in the way of trust or my time other than this situation and the exception this weekends with the family. No one can know that I have been this mans devoted slave for 25 yrs all he ever has to do is cut the grass once a week( we were quite old fashioned in that respect) all I asked for was love honesty and to be treated like a princess ( he used to do that) now I am doing nothing, I cook for me, do my laundry and take care of my responsibilities. He has taken to begging to get me to at least clean the house ( the kitchen and my bedroom/BR and the sitting room where I spend my time are clean, he is also begging that I return to our bedroom. I just ignore him. I do not speak with him about anything other than today's conversation and the discussion about the weekend. If you really new what my life was like prior to this, trust me you would know that from my perspective I am wearing bitch boots...even my IC and BF can't believe what a bitch I have become with this situation. There was no point in forcing a NC when I know from my conversation with this woman that she won't honour and he will break it. I am literally biding my time watching and waiting gathering evidence until I can walk away if it comes to that. I know that he will not sign D papers when and if I file because he is so sure he is doing nothing wrong and claims I am still the love of his life. I will need to be able to say that if I was the love of his life why did he let this woman become more important than our marriage. Thanks for listening!

You keep 'lying in wait' for him to fuck up....then he does....and what are his consequences? You give him a stern *talking to*, he cries and acts as if what you are telling him is some kind of Holy Grail....and then he continues contact with her. Lather.Rinse.Repeat.

Exactly. I lived this hellish Groundhog's Day over & over. I always bought into the tears & remorse. Got me every ding dong time. I was such a sucker.

Keep trying, Hon.

I have been this mans devoted slave for 25 yrs all he ever has to do is cut the grass once a week( we were quite old fashioned in that respect) all I asked for was love honesty

Change the 25 to 20, and I've BTDT. (except that hmy stbx'x delegated his 'grass cutting' responsibility to our son.....so WH didn't even have to do THAT!)

There was no point in forcing a NC when I know from my conversation with this woman that she won't honour and he will break it. I am literally biding my time watching and waiting gathering evidence until I can walk away if it comes to that.

An NC text from your WH has nothing to do with OW. It is your WH's *start* to show you that he is serious about working on the marriage and re-committing to the partnership.

The biggest eye-opener for me throughout all of this was how stbx reacted when I stopped performing *my* duties and being a *yes, dear* wife. I KNOW what a huge step it is to stop *doing* in your marriage and I didn't mean to discount the steps that you've implemented already. I just know how much worse it can get.....

I know that he will not sign D papers when and if I file

Doesn't matter. He has no choice. You cannot be held hostage in a marriage against your will.