SurvivingInfidelity.com^®

I knew one day I would get through the devastation period and wouldn't want to be saddled with a name that brought me down.

It helps that I found this forum several months after Dday.

This is my second name, my first was literally how I felt at the time of registering.

I'm grateful I had the opportunity to change it because I no longer feel that way and the constant reminder is a negative I don't need.

vivere is the Italian verb 'to live', 'to be alive', 'to endure'. Much more appropriate

I picked name from a character in Bernard Cornwell's Saxon tales book series. Uhtred of Bebbanburg is a rough character who forged his life through much pain and sorrow.

He has a scar from each battle to remind him of his life. I identify with Uhtred because I bare many scars but I'm still here swinging and chopping through this fucking mess.

I wish I could say I had a better story, but when I signed up, I was still very raw after d-day. I was on no sleep, pretty drunk, and just a mess. I wanted a name that expressed that immense pain that plagued my very soul. After trying a few combinations and getting "this username is taken," I gave up on the first use of "soul" and "pain," or at least a synonym for pain, that didn't belong to someone else.

So yeah, that's my story.

Picked it because everything NPD WH said was a lie.

His version of reality was/is a lie, he lied to himself and believed everything he said. I swear he would pass a lie detector test!

But…I knew the truth and even if that was the ONLY person that knew, it was still true.

My user name is a line (not verbatim) from Carly Simon's song "Coming Around Again."

You pay the grocer

Scream a lullaby

The song is also the theme song to a film about infidelity (Heartburn), which came out in 1986.

AT the time...all I had left was being a mother.

Since as long as I can remember, I have always focused on the future and being hopeful for it.

Not the greatest thing when after an A, you need to focus on the here and now.

I value truth and understanding of the whys and hows of everything in life. I am a scientist and I am continually researching articles to see what science has to say about things. I try to remain open to new ideas when old ones are shown not to be true. It is a motto I always try to live by. I used to be very stubborn when I thought I was right about something. Now I am very open to new ideas. To living and learning from others, from myself, and from research. To not judge others because until you have walked their footsteps, you can't fully understand the steps they took. To strive to do the best you can. To make the most of the situation. I used to be an eternal optimist. Now I am a reality checker. I try to take a step back from the situation, breathe, and do the right thing. I am always living and learning how to do all of those things better. So I guess there is a lot more than I thought behind such a simple name.

I was thinking that R was the right thing for me to do and none of my family or friends agreed.

hello all, well....like the name says, i was Betrayed 2 years before she confessed to her affair, and all the hurt started all over again,but she still holds back some of the details ,and that's where we stop the trust, i have told her over and over, please tell me the whole story and the truth, but here i am 4 years after the affair, and still no closure for me..and i still have to put up with the fact she contacted a S.T.D.(GENITAL WARTS)

Im a "car guy" and I was driving down the road a just so happen to look down at my instrument cluster and gauges.

All through our marriage, when things would get bad, I would remember how wonderful he was back when and it would give me hope to keep going.

So, on Dday, I just couldn't believe how he had forgotten all about me. Especially when I had tried so hard to remember him.

I was in shock, I kept saying I want time travel.

What I wanted was to either go back in time and change my life or speed through to the future when I knew I would be in a better place. Didn't care which option, just didn't want to go through this.

I also didn't know then that TIME is the other 4-letter word.

Before I get to why I need to share I felt everyone and everything had turned on me. The day after DD I took everything that was from our W and anniversaries, made a pile in the yard and burned it. For a long time I wanted nothing to do with the opposing sex.

I chose my username because after a couple of years of isolation, hating myself and everyone around me I wanted change - get my shit together, grow up and move on. I eventually found SI and decided it was Time2Grow.

From a recent post of my own:

I am WinterBranch because shortly after DDay, an icestorm destroyed the pine tree in my yard, planted by my FIL, who died long before I knew my WH. All night long (just a few nights after my WH had a violent midnight visit and I changed the locks) I listened to those branches breaking like gunshots and was too scared to get out of bed to check it out. I still haven't removed those branches, because when I walk the yard and smell the fresh-pine smell, I think of renewal, instead of the dread I felt that night.

It also reminded me of hope, because as winter fades, that brittle cold branch warms and leafs anew in spring...I hope to do the same one day.

Interesting and fun thread OP!

Mine's pretty self explanatory - I was always always looking, checking up, investigating, thinking, making notes, recording, you name it, while he's sitting right next to me even.

When I could lay eyes on him, I was curious who he was texting , what he had cooking up etc. I was living and breathing the search for the truth. I was even dreaming about it. Him cheating or lying or whatever. Read never a good dream. ---on a regular basis. Hence the 24 (hrs) 7 (days a week).

I could literally think about nothing else and it was exhausting.

Every word out of his mouth I was suspicious of. What time he's coming over, where he really is (until I had find my iphone), basketball games, the way he held his phone, the look on his face, the movement of his eyes - The list was never ending.

It was my life. Looking back that is really hard to admit.

Therefore, I was "suspicious" about his whereabouts or statements, or motives , 24 hrs a day - 7 days a week.

Talk about all-encompassing. I'm now 1 year out since I ended things for good. And though I still look for info sometimes , bc I'm morbidly fascinated that he is dating a miss " national level large pageant title" and how he's able to hold on to her. Or what their relationship is like.

I suppose to know whether I contributed to the madness aside from putting up with it.

Which when I thought about it , told me that I value her more than myself. I expect her to leave his craziness and mind games any minute, while I thought that was what was in the cards for me. The Best I could do.

Took me shy of four years to realize I'm better off alone. Even it I don't have one single person to call a friend, it's better than not having peace of mind.

Sorry for the tangent. Felt good to get it out though . And I want those of you who are still in a state of unrest or uneasiness of the mind, to know that it will get better!!

It takes time , mind you, and patience is your best friend. but one day you'll be able to look back on this awful time in your life and actually be grateful that it happened.

Good luck on your journeys

(No longer) Suspicious247

Eta no longer

[This message edited by suspicious247 at 2:30 PM, April 12th (Saturday)]

I got me a Doberman and I'm female. Love that dog!!!

From Oklahoma , twisters are the norm around this time of year, and I'd like to think I'm a little different

SWAT for what I do for a living and 70 is my badge number.