SurvivingInfidelity.com^®

I think Patchy came from me feeling like I'm falling apart. A bunch of irregular, uneven, random pieces of fabric.

What I ate after dday

Online OW had user name of "realgood" and WH thought that was so racy. Pissed me off. Told him she may be "realgood" to her internet audience, but I have been "real good to you".

Gets shortened to RG2U sometimes...makes me feel like I belong in Star Wars.

oh, thanks, marlie2014, now I'm hooked on youtube vids of ice dancing!

It's what I want to do.

3 and provide for those who grieve in Zion—

to bestow on them a crown of beauty

instead of ashes,

the oil of joy

instead of mourning,

and a garment of praise

instead of a spirit of despair.

They will be called oaks of righteousness,

a planting of the Lord

for the display of his splendor.

Isaiah 61:3

It was supposed to be beautyFORashes but I had forgotten it so I typed in beautytoashes5. The 5 is because I have 5 amazing & beautiful children.

Mine: self-explanatory. Truly, I was blindsided. I never would have guessed in a million years that he would have had an affair with his ex-girlfriend, let alone two times!!!!

The song Madness, by Muse, has been playing on the radio a lot, and I needed something that wouldn't identify me. Having never paid much attention to the lyrics, I just like the idea of being Madness' Muse because of all the craziness of my marriage.

However, I recently really listened to the song, and it seemed more appropriate than I originally thought...

Madness, by Muse -

Ma-ma-ma-ma-ma-ma-ma-ma-ma-mad mad mad

Ma-ma-ma-ma-ma-ma-ma-ma-ma-mad mad mad

Ma-ma-ma-ma-ma-ma-ma-ma-ma-mad mad mad

I can't get these memories out of my mind

And some kind of madness has started to evolve

Ma-ma-ma-ma-ma-ma-ma-ma-ma-mad mad mad

Ma-ma-ma-ma-ma-ma-ma-ma-ma-mad mad mad

I tried so hard to let you go

But some kind of madness is swallowing me whole

Ma-ma-ma-ma-ma-ma-ma-ma-ma-mad mad mad

Ma-ma-ma-ma-ma-ma-ma-ma-ma-mad mad mad

I have finally seen the light

And I have finally realized what you mean

And now I need to know is this real love

Or is it just madness keeping us afloat?

Ma-ma-ma-ma-ma-ma-ma-ma-ma-mad mad mad

Ma-ma-ma-ma-ma-ma-ma-ma-ma-mad mad mad

And when I look back at all the crazy fights we had

Like some kind of madness was taking control

And now I have finally seen the light

And I have finally realized what you need

Ma-ma-ma-ma-ma-ma-ma-ma-ma-mad mad mad

Ma-ma-ma-ma-ma-ma-ma-ma-ma-mad mad mad

But now I have finally seen the end

And I'm not expecting you to care, no

That I have finally seen the light

And I have finally realized

I need your love

I need your love

Come to me, just in a dream

Come on and rescue me

Yes I know I can be wrong

Maybe you're too headstrong

Our love is...

Ma-ma-ma-ma-ma-ma-ma-ma-ma-mad mad mad

Ma-ma-ma-ma-ma-ma-ma-ma-ma-mad mad mad

Ma-ma-ma-ma-ma-ma-ma-ma-ma-mad mad mad

Ma-ma-ma-ma-ma-ma-ma-ma-ma-Madness

mine is just how things happened, she had a affair in 2010, and never told me until 2012, so, i was betrayed 2years. at least

Mine came from a conversation I had with X before I had confirmation of the affairs and he was projecting all matters of his woes onto me and actively sleeping with a 22yo college student at the time. We have 2 teenage girls and one of his "justifications" was that I was not attractive anymore and maybe I should consider plastic surgery so he can be proud to walk in a room with me and be a better "role model" to the girls. That phrase stuck with me and when I discovered his multiple affairs I went back to that phrase and thought how dare you say I wasn't a good role model. I know that I am the best thing for my girls and they have the utmost respect for me as a mom and woman no matter the crap he said.

It seemed trendy at the time.

Actually I was shocked it was still available.

Mine came from the massive yell-fest I had on D-day. As I was making him leave, he said he wanted the kids and I. My reply "Well, if you want us, you ditch the b!tch, fix your shit, and then we'll talk. It's all or nothing, sh!thead!"

Such a way with words...

Listened to this Coldplay song a lot at the time. I really wanted to be rescued from the horrible pain and for him to make everything safe and help me feel like I was worth something. Every line says something to me. (Major self esteem issues....working on it.) Still love the song. I was born in 71...FixYou71.

"Fix You"

When you try your best, but you don't succeed

When you get what you want, but not what you need

When you feel so tired, but you can't sleep

Stuck in reverse

And the tears come streaming down your face

When you lose something you can't replace

When you love someone, but it goes to waste

Could it be worse?

Lights will guide you home

And ignite your bones

And I will try to fix you

And high up above or down below

When you're too in love to let it go

But if you never try you'll never know

Just what you're worth

Lights will guide you home

And ignite your bones

And I will try to fix you

Tears stream down your face

When you lose something you cannot replace

Tears stream down your face

And I...

Tears stream down your face

I promise you I will learn from my mistakes

Tears stream down your face

And I...

Lights will guide you home

And ignite your bones

And I will try to fix you

The OM gave my wife a golden bracelet with a heart-shaped charm on it engraved with the words "1st X."

This was a gift to commemorate the first time my wife destroyed my heart and our marriage after their fist sexual encounter. Now, I consider myself as having an 'X' placed on my heart forever.

[This message edited by Xheart at 9:56 PM, March 24th (Monday)]

Couldn't think of anything that wasn't taken - couldn't really think of much of anything at that point actually.

Its a combination of some letters from each part of my name - easy for me to remember but I don't think anyone could guess what the actual names are from it.

AP and WH both work in a jail where affairs are rampant and the guards are big on covering for each other. In fact, encourage the selfish behaviors. Due to the security issue, I really could not do much in terms of finding info or stopping the A. It was like it's own little fantasy world vacuum.

Hence, I used the term as a verb as in I was "guarded" by them and also how I felt I would forever be since the affair destroyed every sense of trust I had since I was completely shocked and blindsided. I lost my faith in the goodness of people.

Spatz is the German word for Sparrow. I chose it for several reasons:

(1) My STBXWH is German.

(2) I like what the Sparrow symbolizes - freedom, love, dedication, trust, loyalty, protection, and joy, among other things.

The username represents a combination of my past and the future I hope to create.

I was cocooned for months after D-Day, shutting out friends and family and having no idea who I could trust.

But I had separated and filed when I found this site, so I was ready to start flying again..

Mine was a word in an email I received. Has no special meaning.

I love this thread. Mine is the same username I use everywhere! Livejournal, instagram, twitter, my defunct OLD account. I like it because it lets me feel like my identity here is the same as everywhere in my life--I'm not in some box as a betrayed person. It comes from the only nickname I ever had in childhood; the dad of my best friend and neighbor used to call me norabird sometimes, and I always liked it. So when people use it here, it feels really familiar and comfortable!