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Reconciliation :
Anti-versary tomorrow...walking my girls to school!

This Topic is Archived
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 blakesteele (original poster member #38044) posted at 1:06 AM on Tuesday, September 10th, 2013

So tomorrow is my 1 year anti-versary.

My wifes affair with a married man father of 5 was discovered by me via text message alert by AT&T. My life, marriage and family changed dramatically between 8 and 10 am last year on Sept 10th.

My wife and her AP would drop their respective kids off at school and then meet up to conduct their affair.

One of the joys in my life is asking to come into work late so that I may walk my girls to school. Sometimes I would ask to leave early so I could pick them up and walk home. We bought a house 2 blocks from the school so that we (my wife is a SAHM with a small business that is flexible enough to allow her to be a SAHM) could do this.

My wifes AP lives miles from the school, but chooses to park between our house and the school. Many days my wife would report NOT seeing AP as she dropped our girls off. Each time I did (4 times total last year) I saw him.

I could not control my primal need to protect my girls from the harm my wifes adultery put them in...and I would engage (mostly entailed me standing between my girls and her AP, staring intently at him, looking for any sign he thought he wanted to engage me). Thank God (literally) he consistently averted his eyes and crossed quickly to the other side of the street. On one occasion I did engage him verbally, again he quickly moved away.

So that is the back story.

Thanks to a tremendous amount of prayer, reading and thousands of $$$ in counseling I am ready to walk my girls to school!

I have asked to come into work late tomorrow and will be walking my girls to school on my 1 year anti-versary....almost to the hour of my original DD.

IF my schedule holds at work, I also have the okay to take off and pick them up....I usually choose one or the other...but not both on the same day.

I decided I am up for this.

My wife and I are not where either of us hoped we would be 1 year into this, but we are both okay with where we are at. We are both currently grateful we are still together after the most challenging year of our lives.

No matter how this day goes I want to specifically thank Sisoon, Brokensmile322, Bionicgal, TxsT, Bikingguy, Catlover50, Musiclovingmom, Tushnurse, tripletrouble,and cantaccept for the sharing of experiences, wisdoms, and thoughtfulness.

I am also grateful to God, my wife, my good real life friends, and my Pastor.

I don't know what the future holds, but I stand in awe of what has happened over the past 12 months. This is unlike anything I ever would have expected....the pain, the rage, the exponential internal growth, the depression, the rollercoaster of emotions....it is all so much to experience.

God be with all of us.

[This message edited by blakesteele at 7:49 PM, September 9th (Monday)]

ME: 42 BH, I don't PM female members
SHE: 38 EA
Married: 15 years
Together: 17 years
D/Day 9-10-12
NC: 10-25-12
NC: Broken early November 2012, OM not respond
2 girls; 7 and 10
Fear is payments on debts you have not yet incurred.

posts: 5835   ·   registered: Jan. 8th, 2013   ·   location: Central Missouri
id 6480767
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bionicgal ( member #39803) posted at 1:13 AM on Tuesday, September 10th, 2013

I wrote this on another thread, but my heart is swelling with pride/happiness for you and your girls.

Nothing but healing for you tomorrow. . . .

me - BS (45) - DDay - June 2013
A was 2+ months, EA/PA
In MC & Reconciling
"Getting over a painful experience is much like crossing monkey bars. You have to let go at some point to move forward." -- C.S. Lewis.

posts: 3521   ·   registered: Jul. 11th, 2013   ·   location: USA
id 6480788
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Tripletrouble ( member #39169) posted at 1:17 AM on Tuesday, September 10th, 2013

Congratulations blakesteele, I am so happy for you to reclaim this special time with your girls.

40 somethings - me BW after 20 years
D Day April 2013
Divorced November 2013
Happily remarried 2018
Time is a great healer but a terrible beautician.

posts: 1175   ·   registered: May. 3rd, 2013
id 6480791
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41andthankful ( member #38650) posted at 1:17 AM on Tuesday, September 10th, 2013

This made me smile. Blessings to you. "If God is directing our steps, we can be confident that He is aware of our circumstances".

posts: 247   ·   registered: Mar. 6th, 2013
id 6480792
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TxsT ( member #39996) posted at 1:20 AM on Tuesday, September 10th, 2013

I know all will be well. Hold your head high and be proud of the hard work you are putting in to heal yourself, your marriage and improve your outlook on life. I expect a full report after the fact.

T

Me: BS 50
Hubby: WH 53
Together: 32 years
Married: 25 years 09/10/2013
2 boys: 23&21
Dday: 09/11/2012
A length: 4+ years (yes years)
status: Ongoing Reconciliation :o)

Through thick and thin we will survive but he gets only one shot at it!

posts: 605   ·   registered: Jul. 24th, 2013   ·   location: CDN
id 6480797
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learningtofeel ( member #39543) posted at 1:28 AM on Tuesday, September 10th, 2013

We who have gotten so much from your posts are going to be rooting for you tomorrow.

M 1989
3 young adult kids
D-Day 4.13.13
WS (him): 7 OW over 15 years
BS (me): had no clue
D-Day 2: 10.19.19, OW#8, a co-worker
Told him I was DONE

posts: 182   ·   registered: Jun. 13th, 2013   ·   location: United States
id 6480806
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 blakesteele (original poster member #38044) posted at 1:31 AM on Tuesday, September 10th, 2013

(((41andthankful))) you are so on target with your statement.

My improved relationship with God is one of the very good things to come out of this year for me. How immature I still am, but I was baby like early into this.

Nice to be on real food!

Peace be with you.

[This message edited by blakesteele at 7:40 PM, September 9th (Monday)]

ME: 42 BH, I don't PM female members
SHE: 38 EA
Married: 15 years
Together: 17 years
D/Day 9-10-12
NC: 10-25-12
NC: Broken early November 2012, OM not respond
2 girls; 7 and 10
Fear is payments on debts you have not yet incurred.

posts: 5835   ·   registered: Jan. 8th, 2013   ·   location: Central Missouri
id 6480813
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Skan ( member #35812) posted at 1:37 AM on Tuesday, September 10th, 2013

May you walk proud and tall, with your family at your side, and may it be said by all who see you there walks a Godly man.

Imagine a ship trying to set sail while towing an anchor. Cutting free is not a gift to the anchor. You must release that burden, not because the anchor is worthy, but because the ship is.

D-Day, June 10, 2012


posts: 11513   ·   registered: Jun. 11th, 2012   ·   location: So California
id 6480827
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 blakesteele (original poster member #38044) posted at 1:39 AM on Tuesday, September 10th, 2013

(((skan))) (((learningtofeel)))

Skan...thanks....but a more accurate description of me would be....

....there goes a man who resembles an early Peter!

[This message edited by blakesteele at 7:42 PM, September 9th (Monday)]

ME: 42 BH, I don't PM female members
SHE: 38 EA
Married: 15 years
Together: 17 years
D/Day 9-10-12
NC: 10-25-12
NC: Broken early November 2012, OM not respond
2 girls; 7 and 10
Fear is payments on debts you have not yet incurred.

posts: 5835   ·   registered: Jan. 8th, 2013   ·   location: Central Missouri
id 6480830
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41andthankful ( member #38650) posted at 1:45 AM on Tuesday, September 10th, 2013

Ha...real food! I know the feeling, I'm currently on a Daniel fast. I'm sure all will go well.

posts: 247   ·   registered: Mar. 6th, 2013
id 6480842
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 blakesteele (original poster member #38044) posted at 1:47 AM on Tuesday, September 10th, 2013

....I am bumping my high school weight...another silver lining to this year.

However, I would not recommend my diet plan to anyone!

ME: 42 BH, I don't PM female members
SHE: 38 EA
Married: 15 years
Together: 17 years
D/Day 9-10-12
NC: 10-25-12
NC: Broken early November 2012, OM not respond
2 girls; 7 and 10
Fear is payments on debts you have not yet incurred.

posts: 5835   ·   registered: Jan. 8th, 2013   ·   location: Central Missouri
id 6480849
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Lucky ( member #6864) posted at 1:51 AM on Tuesday, September 10th, 2013

Congratulations on your progress! What a wonderful post.

D-day anti is what you make it, or as I like to say, how you control it.

Have a great walk.

♥ WINE - the other fruit juice! ♥



posts: 36162   ·   registered: Apr. 11th, 2005
id 6480855
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 blakesteele (original poster member #38044) posted at 1:53 AM on Tuesday, September 10th, 2013

(((lucky)))

ME: 42 BH, I don't PM female members
SHE: 38 EA
Married: 15 years
Together: 17 years
D/Day 9-10-12
NC: 10-25-12
NC: Broken early November 2012, OM not respond
2 girls; 7 and 10
Fear is payments on debts you have not yet incurred.

posts: 5835   ·   registered: Jan. 8th, 2013   ·   location: Central Missouri
id 6480859
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musiclovingmom ( member #38207) posted at 2:00 AM on Tuesday, September 10th, 2013

This post made me smile (and I needed that after the last couple of days). I'm so glad you've gained so much strength over the last year. I'm so glad that I get to read your thoughtful posts and incorporate your wisdom into my thought patterns. And I'm humbled to be listed among those who have been of help to you. I'll be sure to keep you in my specific prayers tonight and tomorrow. Let us know how it goes!

posts: 1764   ·   registered: Jan. 21st, 2013
id 6480878
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 blakesteele (original poster member #38044) posted at 2:08 AM on Tuesday, September 10th, 2013

(((musiclovingmom))) praying for you too...hang tough.

[This message edited by blakesteele at 8:09 PM, September 9th (Monday)]

ME: 42 BH, I don't PM female members
SHE: 38 EA
Married: 15 years
Together: 17 years
D/Day 9-10-12
NC: 10-25-12
NC: Broken early November 2012, OM not respond
2 girls; 7 and 10
Fear is payments on debts you have not yet incurred.

posts: 5835   ·   registered: Jan. 8th, 2013   ·   location: Central Missouri
id 6480885
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TxsT ( member #39996) posted at 2:43 AM on Tuesday, September 10th, 2013

Ok hang on a minute.....I DIDN'T GET A HUG!!!!!

T

Me: BS 50
Hubby: WH 53
Together: 32 years
Married: 25 years 09/10/2013
2 boys: 23&21
Dday: 09/11/2012
A length: 4+ years (yes years)
status: Ongoing Reconciliation :o)

Through thick and thin we will survive but he gets only one shot at it!

posts: 605   ·   registered: Jul. 24th, 2013   ·   location: CDN
id 6480934
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 blakesteele (original poster member #38044) posted at 2:52 AM on Tuesday, September 10th, 2013

(((TxsT)))

God be with us all.

[This message edited by blakesteele at 8:53 PM, September 9th (Monday)]

ME: 42 BH, I don't PM female members
SHE: 38 EA
Married: 15 years
Together: 17 years
D/Day 9-10-12
NC: 10-25-12
NC: Broken early November 2012, OM not respond
2 girls; 7 and 10
Fear is payments on debts you have not yet incurred.

posts: 5835   ·   registered: Jan. 8th, 2013   ·   location: Central Missouri
id 6480946
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TxsT ( member #39996) posted at 3:58 AM on Tuesday, September 10th, 2013

You know I was just poking at you.....but thank you anyway. I was feeling a bit left out.

T

Me: BS 50
Hubby: WH 53
Together: 32 years
Married: 25 years 09/10/2013
2 boys: 23&21
Dday: 09/11/2012
A length: 4+ years (yes years)
status: Ongoing Reconciliation :o)

Through thick and thin we will survive but he gets only one shot at it!

posts: 605   ·   registered: Jul. 24th, 2013   ·   location: CDN
id 6481046
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StillStanding1 ( member #40144) posted at 4:18 AM on Tuesday, September 10th, 2013

Awesome news, Blakesteele. I've read how much you've been wanting to have the strength to do this again. Glad you are marking this day in a special and POSITIVE way! Congrats on all your progress!

We who have gotten so much from your posts are going to be rooting for you tomorrow.

So very true! I read more posts than I write and there are some of you posters who hold a special place in my heart and I do pray for your healing on this journey.

Today, there seemed to be a lot of good news and good weekends had by many in the R forum. Many of you around the 1 year mark. I'm 5 months behind and truly hope I'm in a better place in a few more months too. You are all inspiring and encouraging. So happy to read some good things happening for people.

God bless you and watch over you tomorrow! Enjoy!!!!

Me: BS50s Him: WH50s
M 25 years - DD DS DS
LTA = 2+ yrs, Dday - 2/13, S for 1 year, now R

posts: 1632   ·   registered: Aug. 1st, 2013   ·   location: Midwest
id 6481068
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ItsaClimb ( member #37107) posted at 10:22 AM on Tuesday, September 10th, 2013

Have so enjoyed seeing your growth over the last year blakesteele, you can be proud of yourself. Looking forward to hearing how your day goes

{hugs}

BS 52
Together 35 yrs, M 31 years
2 daughters 30yo(married with 2 children) & 25yo
D-Day 18 Aug 2012
6mth EA lead to 4mth PA with CO-W. I found out 8 1/2 yrs later

posts: 1321   ·   registered: Oct. 11th, 2012
id 6481249
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