SurvivingInfidelity.com^®

wrt Scott Eastwood, I would rather see flying purple penises in 3D coming out of my monitor than open another spider thread down there. In fact I avoid F&G because ITS FULL OF FUCKING SPIDERS.

Sorry, I will resume being offended. </3

Sorry to hear that nature_girl.

I needed help with this issue, it has made me upset for a while. So I've been in an emotionally fragile state.

Thanks

Really, well I'll give it a try and see how that works out one of these days.

Don't do it asurvivor. You know as well as I do...

Yes, because that's exactly how we operate around here RyeBread.

Thanks

I agree about the spider pictures popping up in F&G. They have been distressing at times when I'm just looking for an opportunity to laugh or lighten my spirits.

ETA: Lauren, you don't owe me an apology. Your OP in this thread was valid and I support your desire for information. I get triggered when people go off on what a wife's duty is, and how a wife is responsible for her husband's thoughts & behavior, and if a wife would just spread her legs more or blow her husband more, her husband would be happy & content and his ability to control himself would be better. I fell for that fallacy for too many years. It ruined my life (among other fallacies). I'm not going to sit by and allow it to continue to spread unchallenged in my presence.

[This message edited by Nature_Girl at 5:35 PM, September 19th (Thursday)]

Don't do it asurvivor. You know as well as I do...

Ha, I just might. be sure to bring in the boys to ooo and ahh like the ladies do down there...it will be fine.

Now its time for a flag.

asurvivor....

You want to try and prove a point, fine, but you post outside of the forum guidelines and that will get you banned.

I've already posted that no nudity/porn is allowed. Pretty simple.

Yes, because being told what is going on inside my head as a man is condescending, whether it's intended or not. I have tried a few times to point out that disconnect. I don't think there has been one BH in this thread that has not qualified it to some degree with the exception of one guy on page 2.

I'm pretty sure that was my personal point all along.

As for Scott Eastwood, my thoughts were purely about the other way to get banned from this site.

I've already posted that no nudity/porn is allowed. Pretty simple.

I'm not sure what flag means...who said anything about nudity or porn for God's sake.

Yes, because that's exactly how we operate around here RyeBread.

DS,

I don't think you do by any means. This forum has been a godsend to me. I'm just a realist and know what the probable outcome would be.

IMHO, I don't know why any oogling of the oposite sex would be on an infidelity forum anyway, by men or women. I just think it's in bad taste. Lots of other websites for that.

asurvivor...

You're adding nothing to this thread, please stop posting on it.

Was going to pop in with something witty (at least to me...the rest of you are probably sick of me by now)--but I see this thread is taking a more serious tone.

I don't speak for other men. I don't speak for other people. But I do not look at other women and think, OMG I want that. I didn't think that way before Dday, and I don't think that way now.

I don't go to strip clubs, and I don't go into restaurants like Hooters and tilted kilt. Yes I can appreciate a pretty woman, but no, my first thought isn't sexual.

Maybe it's how I was raised, maybe it's just who I am, but I find it disrespectful to my wife to entertain fantasy's about being with women I see. But that's me, as far as what other men do, don't know, and I don't really care. Who I am is not defined by other people's actions.

As far as Scott Eastwood goes, why do we care? It is fun and games, and as long as it's not a fucking spider, more power to you.

I will point out that in another thread in general, a male posted pictures of hot girls dancing, and nobody batted an eye.

Ok. Then let's take those that have suffered infidelity....does anyone see the possible hypocrisy between some of the posts on here and the Scott Eastwood thread in F&G? Would a guy be safe posting that here?

Well shit, I was just getting ready to be funny contradicting UO and suggest that nobody would complain if a guy were to post pictures of Scott Eastwood.

One of the very real dangers in this, whether it is posting pictures, noticing members of the opposite sex, how one feels when being leered at or hit on, or standing in line at McDonald's deciding what to order, is the comparisons to and justifications based on what other people are doing.

People exaggerate what others are doing and then compare it to a minimization of what they are doing, and bad behavior and consequences follow. Anyone who tries to keep up with what they see and assume others are doing is going to go much farther than the actual truth.

How did McDonald's get into this? The guy that did the movie Super Size Me is a perfect example, He at full value meals and accepted every upsell offer three meals a day every day, based on his observation that he saw people doing that all the time. Well, I am betting it was not the same people every meal every day, and trying to eat every meal like the one the construction worker who skipped breakfast and has a long way to go until supper is gonna get you in trouble. The same goes for trying to keep up with the comments, fantasies, sexual activities, etc. that you presume other people have all the time. Ever seen an empowered young girl secure in her sexuality trying to check out guys and generally act like it's okay for her to act like guys? It is generally such a fucking overdone stereotype it is hilarious.

ETA:

I will point out that in another thread in general, a male posted pictures of hot girls dancing, and nobody batted an eye.

Really, they weren't that hot.

[This message edited by aesir at 6:01 PM, September 19th (Thursday)]

Everyone,

Thank you.

I'm pretty sure that was my personal point all along.

I don't understand then, because you appeared to equate the two when I first quoted you - that it's not okay for a guy to look at a woman, think she's hot and fuckable, and others did.

I didn't see any guy here that said it was acceptable to leer, muse on it for longer than was reactionary, etc. Even Grilla who IMO didn't really word what he was saying well, since what I took from it was you go without sex for awhile sleeping next to a woman, you think about sex a lot more.

My comment wrt my dick as a character flaw was directed toward a particular post where similar thought processes in men & women were implied to be somehow different simply because I am a BH.

eta:

er, that was not a good place for an OT sojourn, sorry.

[This message edited by StillGoing at 6:31 PM, September 19th (Thursday)]

Wow, this thread is interesting and seems to me to simply be mismatched perceptions and terminology being used between men and women!

I actually think the person that summed it up best was actually a lesbian that spent some time pretending to be a man. In this experiment, she came face to face with the pure difference between men & women in the sex department: for men, sex can simply be an urge, where as for women it's mental and can be more.

From her article (and book):

Full Article here:

http://abcnews.go.com/2020/Entertainment/story?id=1526982&singlePage=true

"Vincent went to several strip clubs with a male friend. She describes the experience as hellish -- demeaning for the strippers and even worse for the men.

"I saw the men there. I saw the looks on their faces. This is not about appreciation of women, of course. It's not about appreciation of their own sexuality. It's about an urge and ... that's not always that pleasurable, really," she said.

Vincent said strip joints are about pure sex drive -- completely empty of any meaningful interaction, even when a woman is gyrating on your lap.

Even though Vincent is attracted to women, she said she was never aroused during her visits to the clubs. "I really ran smack up against the difference between male and female sexuality. It's that female sexuality is mental. ... For a man, it's an urge," she said.

"At its core, it's a bodily function. It's a necessity. It's such a powerful drive and I think because we [women] don't have testosterone in our systems, we don't understand how hard it is," she said.

So yes, I believe just about every normal, healthy man when they see an attractive and/or scantily clad woman from afar, there is most definitely a sexual response and "urge" as so well put that fires.

Do we make a mental movie of them naked? Do we instantly hurl ourselves into a hardcore porno placing ourselves screwing them? No. We're not "like" that when it comes to our sexuality. It's something I don't even think many women can understand since it's very simply and primitive vs. what I hear women describe as being their "sexual impulse" which seems to be much more complicated and advanced.

(Oh, and I know- some men DO go to the "mind+porno" fantasy level when looking at women! lol THOSE are the ones you need to look out for)

The woman that wrote that article also has a book:

http://www.amazon.com/dp/0143038702

I'd bet women truly interested in a man's perspective would gain valuable insight since through her eyes, she can better explain this from her very unique and privileged position of being a lesbian posing as a man and deeply embedding herself into "male" society. :-)

When we're done with this topic, can someone post a thread on whether or not romance novels are chick porn?

Kthnxbye

BTW, yes.

Ok I debated on posting typed it and then didn't post and then typed it again.

I just don't want to offend anyone, trigger anyone, and I am not saying all women or even some women are like me but here it goes.

For me I would have to agree with some other posters in real life situations I will notice a good looking man and just think that he is attractive or has a nice body and not really give it much thought. I think I am in my own little world thinking about a million things I have to do while I am filling up my car with gas, shopping etc. I am really not that observant.

Where I tend to day dream and go down the thought process of sexual thinking would be from characters in movies, tv shows or books. I realize that they are just characters and untouchable and really don't exist but I am still thinking sexual thoughts about others. Maybe because they have a personality and I can also emotionally attach in some way?

Sometimes I put down a book and attack my WS. (He is aware of this and the going joke, isn't about time I find another book to read)

At work on more than one occasion we have talked about characters, books, shows, stars, who we think is attractive etc. This definitely isn't all of our conversations but we do have them.

I realize that these people aren't in front of me in the flesh but still along the same lines of thinking.

Just thought I would share.

See, here is the problem that we run into with generalizations again.

for men, sex can simply be an urge, where as for women it's mental and can be more.

I saw the men there. I saw the looks on their faces. This is not about appreciation of women, of course. It's not about appreciation of their own sexuality. It's about an urge and ... that's not always that pleasurable, really," she said.

What about the fellas, like myself, who find that strip clubs are repulsive?

ETA: Yes romance novels are definitely porn...discuss.

[This message edited by wonderboy at 7:00 PM, September 19th (Thursday)]

What about the fellas, like myself, who find that strip clubs are repulsive?

It's not about stripclubs. It's about the difference between male and female sexuality.

Also, read ok4now's description which seems to mirror just about every *healthy* woman's description I've ever known:

"I will notice a good looking man and just think that he is attractive or has a nice body and not really give it much thought. I think I am in my own little world thinking about a million things I have to do while I am filling up my car with gas, shopping etc. I am really not that observant.

Where I tend to day dream and go down the thought process of sexual thinking would be from characters in movies, tv shows or books. I realize that they are just characters and untouchable and really don't exist but I am still thinking sexual thoughts about others. Maybe because they have a personality and I can also emotionally attach in some way?"

That really epitomizes the point at hand... and it has nothing to do with stripclubs other than the lesbian/author learned that moment of clarity there seeing how she wasn't aroused in the slightest (despite being a lesbian).

I'd say MOST men can have a fully developed, sexual reaction to a woman with a simple visual process because that sexual "urge" can be very simple and primitive. Most women seem to require a bit more to get what they consider a sexual reaction.

That isn't to say all men are horndogs or something, just that I believe our high testosterone gives us some sort of sexual "foreshadowing" response that most women do not relate to at all, and are instead trying to "fit" what they know/process as a sexual response to this thing that happen in men.

It's two different things entirely, and YES, men also share the "A-Z" sexual response that requires depth, intimacy, compatibility, etc. etc... but we also have what that lesbian described as well, which is that purely physical, "urge" response system that IS sexual, but is not the whole enchilada, so to speak.

Hope that makes sense!

FYI- I also find stripclubs repulsive, but if there is a super hot woman at the beach or jogging, etc. etc... that response is there.

[This message edited by MediumRare at 7:12 PM, September 19th (Thursday)]