Still no communication of any form from the parental units. Bizarre feeling. There is freedom, there is peace, QS said last night he respects me so much more for standing up for myself. Yet there is a burden. I don't want to "be right" and them "be wrong". Its not about that. It's about respect. Its about being healthy and retraining them how they can and cannot treat us. And I know its a time thing.
Our counselor (Pick your jaw up. Yes we have a counselor)
has been the biggest help and support. Has my parents pegged. I think the counselor knows them better than they know themselves. Which I find humorous for some reason. They aren't near as healthy as they're trying to tell everyone. And I'm finding out more and more, there aren't many people buying their brand of crazy. I feel so stupid for not being able to see it sooner.
Everything I was telling my sister last week? All the stuff we were told is "all in your head and you need to stop it right now"? Yeah, I was right and it's not all in our heads. Its real. And the counselor labeled it abuse. And all but called my dad a narcissistic bully.
We were given examples on what to say should we be approached. That was my struggle. What do I say if they come to me? I have ammo now. A non-confrontational, subtle message that says, "This is not cool, I am hurt by your actions, this will take time, and I am not rug sweeping this crap."
I don't want my children to think it's ok to be abused. I don't want the to think its acceptable to be treated the way they've been treated while at the parental unit's house. That was something brought up in the meeting. They are MY children, I will discipline them if needed. Well, I was informed that the parental units have "a certain threshold" and if my children cross it, they will be disciplined by my parental unit. Umm....what!? They didn't tell me where that "threshold" is, and it really doesn't matter. They are MY kids. Raise up off of them. So...my children will not be going there anymore. Simple as that.
The parental units wouldn't dare to discipline other people's children. But its ok for mine? Not anymore. I'm over it. I was abused. I will not tolerate it for myself or my children a minute longer.
My sister and I have been crutches for my parents. Although my Dad acts like he's a-ok, he has zero self-esteem. Zero self-worth. That's why he uses people around him. To feel more important and loved. When he builds "friendships", they are always with people with money or influence. Makes dad feel more special. He uses us kids in a similar way. We're part of his mini empire. We took that away from him. He's not a happy camper.
Mother suffers from "social anxiety". Which frankly, I don't buy. I don't want to come off as heartless but I saw her say something in the meeting and she started crying. Dude. M-a-n-i-p-u-l-a-t-i-o-n. My heart turned to ice. I feel zero pity. Her "social anxiety" is fed by her using ME as a crutch. She makes me entertain the guests that dad invites at the drop of a hat. No more. She vents to me about "your father". Umm...tell HIM. Work it out with HIM. But noooo. "I could never tell him this!". Well, sounds like they need counseling. I'm not the sounding board anymore. I've taken her crutch away. She has "no one" to talk to. She is terrified. Wonder how long they'll sit in that house without their crutches before their world comes crashing down around them. That little paradise they are trying to sell to everyone? It's all smoke and mirrors.
All the crap she has told me and my sister we need to do? Make new friends, do new things, make time for ourselves, communicate with our husbands, get our husbands into counseling? Yeah. She won't do any of it herself! She has no friends, she has no outside hobbies, she doesnt make time for herself, she doesn't communicate with her husband, and OMG, they do n.o.t. need counseling. "Aubrie, you don't really know what its like over there..." Yes I do. We were enmeshed for years. I know her very well. Too well.
The sadness comes and goes. The tears come and go. Ultimately, I know we're doing the right thing. It's just new and different. Those little voices of "rebellious", "disrespectful", "loyalty" keep slapping me around. I know that's the abuse bleeding thru.
We'll get this.