Hi Aubrie,
You have GOT to be committed to doing this for you and NOT to force some type of change within your family dynamic.
... I'm not holding my breath.... Guess this is why the counselor said that them getting a clue could take years. If they get one. *sigh* They don't want to change. Why should they? They've been fine for 30 years. I gotta keep remembering that. I can't forget that. I wanted change. Not them.
As I said above, I have not had a relationship with my NPD MIL since Dday -----she is toxic to me & to my marriage. I want to be healthier, I want my marriage to be stronger, & I have to protect those things.
I have not interfered with WH & our kids having a relationship with her, but my actions have affected their relationships.
There is no more grand pretense going on that WH's FOO is the Walton family.
To this day, MIL still vents to WH: “How dare MChercheur treat me this way! I didn’t do anything wrong!” I have no hopes of changing her. I agree with WH & his siblings that she will never change, she doesn’t want to. She gets off on being “The Dictator”. She has never once tried to contact me since Dday (she lives around the corner from us, & WH stayed with her while we were separated for 5 mos after Dday). I am not looking for an apology, because I don’t think she is capable of genuinely apologizing.
I recently came across this list of narcissistic traits:
--Glibness/superficial charm
--Grandiose sense of self-worth
--Pathological lying
--Cunning/manipulative
-- Lack of remorse or guilt
--Callous/lack of empathy
--Failure to accept responsibility for own actions
--Can not accept criticism
--Unable to truly apologize
--Use people for whatever they can take from them
--Great storyteller
ALL of them apply to my MIL. So, if you are dealing with people who have similar issues, it is very healthy for you to draw a line in the sand & say “no more”.
Yes, you have really upset the apple cart. There are consequences for their actions---for their disrespect & selfish, arrogant behavior. You have finally realized that you are worth it, you are worth being treated with respect, you love yourself enough not to let anyone treat you that way anymore. You have drawn your boundaries, so they can either change or not have a relationship with you anymore----but that is their choice.
(((sending you strength)))
[This message edited by mchercheur at 11:57 AM, October 26th (Saturday)]