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Mine said he never meant for it to happen. Yeah sure, over a year long A, sure it wasn't meant to happen.

He also said that he intended to tell me but wanted to wait as we were having such shard time with our newborn DD. I think it was me having the hard time whilst he was off galavanting with it.

Me, BS, 36 years

Him, xWS, 35 years

DS 3.5 years

DD 19 months

Together 8.5 years

DDay 27-01-2013

False R 04-02-2014

S 20-02-2013

[This message edited by dindy at 4:07 AM, November 7th (Thursday)]

He did tell me he wanted a divorce. After he was involved with her.

He didn't know he wanted a divorce until he met her.

Well, turns out he was wrong he didn't want to divorce me, he wanted to divorce himself.

Changing partners does not change who you are.

"...because I still loved you and did not want a divorce. I did it so I could stay married to you, but I needed comfort and was bored with our sex life."

Fuck him!

He said, "I broke up with her - because I didn't want to lose you."

I said, "You were with her last night!"

He said, "Well, I guess, I didn't want to loose her either."

I said, "Well, what do you think is going to happen now?"

He packed up and moved in with her by the end of the day, left his ring on the stove, after 28 years. (Turns out - he'd already cheated on her before I ever caught him.)

Now the way that might have gone down, if he'd had an honest bone in his body and if I hadn't been so blindly, deeply, and naively in love with "the one":

"I couldn't tell you - you were 6 months pregnant, we'd only been married for 8, and we'd just paid off all my bills."

The truly amazing thing is - that I'm able to write that dry-eyed and matter-of-fact-like! Time does heal!

Me: Why didn't you divorce me or at least talk to me about this before the affair.

WW: You're right. I should have divorced you 2 years ago.

Me: WTF? This has only been going on for 3 months.

WW: Well I haven't really been in love with you for 2 years now.

Me: If you hated me so much why didn't you just leave and go be with her?

fWH: I used to laugh when she'd make comments about me leaving you for her.

Yes, that still makes my head spin.

"I never wanted to divorce you. I always loved you. I never considered that what I was doing would affect our marriage. I never connected the dots. I never even thought about it as an 'affair'. I wouldn't let myself think about it."

He simply said he didn't want to.

He thought that having an A and a viable M at the same time was a good idea. Because, you know, he was so smart and could get away with it. Ensuing discussions led to the fact that he still thought we were best friends (because we all treat our best friends like garbage and intentionally destroy them) and he didn't want to lose my insurance and pension benefits.

He was a cowardly delusional porn addict who had (and still has) an enormous sense of entitlement.

[This message edited by struggling16 at 8:43 AM, November 7th (Thursday)]

"I only want to be with you"

"I love you and I cheated down, how could I leave you"

"She meant nothing, it was only twice and I faked it" yep he claimed he faked an orgasim.

He said he never wanted to divorce me. He never stopped loving me. I guess he just needed "extra."

When I asked why he didn't just divorce me he said "I always loved you and the life we had. It was just this one piece (meaning sex) that was missing."

No douchebag, it was sex with me that became boring in your fat, middle-aged head.

My WH suddenly wanted a divorce when OW came onto him and he started his A, and he believed it would be an exit for him. During the A, out of nowhere (to me)he started talking divorce. When I would ask if he was cheating he would deny deny deny. After I found out I asked why he didn't just admit it if he wanted out anyway. He said, "I couldn't figure out how to tell you what a bad person I am." So he's basically a coward.

WW said (and I quote)

"I never intended to leave you. I was just having a little fling. I wasn't in love with him or anything, it was nothing. I was just having a little fun."

Later, when I said she was going to have to choose, she said,

"I choose you both. You are my two favorite people in the whole world."

When I suggested that I completely understood her feelings, but they might cause me to leave her, she was shocked. Shocked! That thought had never crossed her mind.

PS Despite this crazy, she did eventually get her head out of the fog, we did successfully R, and we are still together over 30 years later.

[This message edited by MoreWould at 11:23 AM, November 7th (Thursday)]

He said he didn't want a divorce and that he loved me, he just wanted me to notice him a little more...

As if the A's itself aren't enough for us to deal with,you read these comments and it just makes you want to shake them ( or slap them silly)! Bunch of selfish cowards with screws loose. And we are suppose to deal with this????

Yup- never wanted to leave, still loved me- "it wasn't like that"-

Whatever. Glad he made that decision for us- so grateful he only wanted to sleep with someone else and call her girlfriend- I'd have been super worried if he didn't love me anymore. That was sarcasm- in case you didn't pick up on it.

Like I said- whatever.

We are doing well but some of the things that came out of his mouth- just ridiculous.

[This message edited by Wondertwin at 5:09 PM, November 7th (Thursday)]

"I never stopped loving you." - Great way to show it

"I thought you wouldn't find out." - Even naive, stupid people like me figure things out eventually.

"I wanted it all." - Give him points for honesty on this one.

"Because she loved me and didn't want a divorce."

But she needed ME to change (from what I recall, I needed to stop chewing so much nicotine gum and playing video games--as well as not being so controlling, and letting her buy a boat, and some other self-justifying BS)and she needed more time.

Then once I "changed" (in the superficial ways she claimed I needed to), she was angry because I "wanted her to change too" and she wasn't ready; i.e., to give up her boyfriend.

So... I divorced her. God, I was such an idiot.

"I wanted to be married to you, those were just visits"

"But we were broken up at the time." The only problem was that she had forgotten to inform me of this fact.