SurvivingInfidelity.com^®

Dear AD, I joined SI ~ a year ago after finding out that my WH had cheated on me after 20+ years of marriage. I followed your posts from JFO to divorce/separation because your pain was palpable & I was so drawn to the fact that your kiddos were THE MOST IMPORTANT PEOPLE in your life!! My WH & I are trying to R but I just wanted you to know how much you have touched me and I KNOW many other members of this club that none of us ever wanted to join! I wish all the best for you & your kiddos. I hope that you find peace and when you are ready, a partner that deserves your love & fidelity. All the best . Jamie

I emailed my attorney, asking "will the fact that she is pregnant have any bearing on my case?"

She wrote back simply, "Oh yeah."

Quite simply, it demonstrates a complete lack of responsibility for your (and her) children's welfare. How everything is about her and her needs. Really can't ask for a better display of NPD.

Quick 2X4 though. Quit letting her have every weekend! Boo Hoo if her job won't allow more time in the week. Time for you to have some fun with them.

I commend you on the growth you have displayed during this first year. The strength you have shown is astounding. Keep on keeping on.

Strength

I've been following you since the beginning, I couldn't help it, you were walking the same path I had been years before.

The change in you has been amazing to watch. You've come a long way and always kept your kids as your priority. Those eggshells finally hurt and pushed you into action. You've found a strength inside yourself that you didn't know you had. You now see her for the manipulator she has always been.

Good job

Quick 2X4 though. Quit letting her have every weekend! Boo Hoo if her job won't allow more time in the week. Time for you to have some fun with them.

Yes, this is what I am doing--insisting I have them every other weekend. Last weekend I let it go as she circumvented me and told DD she would be with mommy. So rather than upset DD I let it go on the advice of my attorney--but memorialized it in an email.

I am doing the same thing this time. I just wrote to STBXWW the following:

"As I have requested, I want the children this weekend, 11/15-18 as you had the children last weekend and every weekend for the past three months as I accommodated your schedule. This is fair and reasonable.

This past week you were supposed to have them until 11/12. Because you were ill you asked me to get them on 11/11, which I gladly did. However this of course contributed to your length of time away from the children.

The children will adjust to the new pattern. I will be sure to have fun plans for them to make the transition easier.

Please respond ASAP, as the children keep asking me about the schedule. I hope you will accommodate and be able to see the children during the week; and you will have them next weekend."

And if she circumvents me again and essentially just takes the children, I will repeat my actions: let it go rather than upset the children, but follow up with a memorializing email.

I will do this every time up to our hearing.

AD, I don't have much time to respond anymore, but I do read along when I can. Just wanted to again comment on how well you're handling yourself. A trip here and there, like we all have, but you keep moving forward. Very refreshing to see that after reading some of what you endured!

Also wanted to comment on how impressed I am with your handling of this pregnancy. I know you had let go of that hope, but that still had to be a bit of a shock. But you're doing great! Keep your eye on the prize - a divorce decree that releases you from the crazy!

[This message edited by thenon-goddess at 8:36 AM, November 14th (Thursday)]

You have come so far in such a relatively short time. I remember thinking on November 16th of 2011 that a year can change so much. November 16th 2010 xWH was at my side telling me he loved me so much and couldn't lose me after the mammogram came back clean. November 16th 2011 we are in court regarding an RO because he threatened me to my daughter. A year can certainly change things and you have changed for the better. You are standing so strong now and it is admirable, inspiring and honest.

OMG! My wife's attorney is subpoenaing Activision to find out how much I play Call of Duty!!!! THIS is what she's got? Her desperate suggestion that I am playing video games while I should be watching the kids????

I cannot believe this. I told my attorney, "Sure, let them go for it!"

Let's start playing "Who's the more responsible parent."

What a fucking desperate fool. Again, I really wonder what her attorney is thinking...

[This message edited by Abbondad at 9:52 AM, November 14th (Thursday)]

wow talk about desperate. I don't think it's anything to worry about, but definitely talk to your attorney. she's probably going to try to corelate the times you played with the times you had the children.

I did warn you that custody battles get ugly. if it comes down to that, you're going to subpoena her medical records and the children's therapists records. also you will be subpoenaIng her therapist records.

Sigh sending strength.

here comes the crazy!

Actually, Abbondad, I do think that's a pretty damning piece of evidence but only because Battlefield exists as an alternative.

Abb,

We've spoken directly about the pregnancy but at that time you couldn't be 100% certain, but now you are :(

Welcome to shitsville.

If you're anything like me you will swing from wanting to cry, to worrying about the effect on the children to laughter as she has clearly lost the fucking plot. You won't have to wipe it's shitty little arse, rock it to sleep in the night or buy the crazy bitch haemorrhoid cream.

Your children will gravitate toward you like mine will do with me.

More than ever now, I realise this isn't about you or I. We'll be OK

Speak soon

[This message edited by allatsea at 10:21 AM, November 14th (Thursday)]

Sorry your hearing won't be until December.

Has it been postponed once, or am I thinking of someone else?

What are you planning on doing about Thanksgiving? Any thoughts yet?

I'm proud of you for putting your foot down and taking the kids for a weekend.

wow talk about desperate. I don't think it's anything to worry about, but definitely talk to your attorney. she's probably going to try to corelate the times you played with the times you had the children.

Good luck with that. I play early in the morning before the kids are up. I play when I don't have the kids. And when I do play when the kids are with me, they are usually busy by themselves, playing at a neighbor's, etc. How in the world can anything be proved; I.e., that I was playing video games when I was supposed to be with the kids. It's just... I'm really speechless. My attorney thinks she might try to say something about letting my son play an NC 17 game, except, 1) he doesn't play COD and 2) how could it be proven even if he did, and... Never mind. The whole thing is stupid.

In any case, I think my kids possibly being exposed to COD and zombies is just a little trumped by my son finding a picture of his mother's breasts texted to someone who isn't his daddy--while he was at his mother's home.

I did warn you that custody battles get ugly. if it comes down to that, you're going to subpoena her medical records and the children's therapists records. also you will be subpoenaIng her therapist records.

And that's the other stupid part: it's not like I am going for full custody. At mediation I conceded to 60/40. And a fixed schedule. As always, this is not about the kids; it's about her losing control and her vendetta against me for daring to close the bakery.

Unless she is considering going for full custody, in which case she is really insane, as that begins a whole new ugly war--and I have a closet full of nukes.

Unless she is considering going for full custody, in which case she is really insane,

Has that really been in question lately? TBH, the mountain she has to climb to get primary custody is insanely steep. As you said, you have a closet full of nukes and she is probably fully aware of that.

AD, you are frustrating her desire to create/continue her world filled with rainbow farting, skittle shitting unicorns. You know her best, when she has been thwarted in the past, what was her response? Did she ever let go gently? Concede graciously? She has, by your account, retained one of the most vicious lawyers available. Do you think that was in anticipation of being reasonable?

In any case, I think my kids possibly being exposed to COD and zombies is just a little trumped by my son finding a picture of his mother's breasts texted to someone who isn't his daddy--while he was at his mother's home.

Yes, but that was an accident, she didn't intend that. Of course she won't take responsibility, while fully expecting you to shoulder the full blame.

It all gets crazy brother. Don't expect her lawyer to make her see reason. She is a paycheck to him. Can't you just hear her asking "What am I paying you for?".

I hope I'm wrong. Dear God, I hope I'm wrong. I see a lot of parallels between your CSTBXWW and my XW. Being prepared won't hurt. Expect crazy from her.

Strength

My wife's attorney is subpoenaing Activision to find out how much I play Call of Duty!!!!

Nu-uh. Seriously? How do you know this? What a waste of money.....

eta: And btw....ignore ANY allegations that she makes towards you in regards to your online activities. Don't acknowledge them AT ALL.

[This message edited by gonnabe2016 at 9:06 PM, November 14th (Thursday)]

Oh, this all sounds too familiar. My EX made lots of ridiculous accusations against me during the parenting eval. Some were so ludicrous that I thought I was being pranked.

Keep calm & carry on, brother. I survived it. You will, too.

Nu-uh. Seriously? How do you know this? What a waste of money.....

Yep--seriously. My attorney forwarded me the subpoena and asked me if I would like her to object (although she agreed it is frivolous). I told her no, they should go ahead and subpoena away. It's her waste of money and her waste of time.

In her reply Email, my attorney asked her attorney to please confirm or deny that his client is pregnant. I will be very surprised if she is not.

Oh, and my neighbor informed me that STBXWW has asked her a few times if I have a girlfriend. WTF?

My wife's attorney is subpoenaing Activision to find out how much I play Call of Duty!!!! THIS is what she's got?

Dear lord. This made me laugh out loud.

What a silly, wasteful, spoiled woman.

against me for daring to close the bakery

^^^love that metaphor...

What a fucking desperate fool. Again, I really wonder what her attorney is thinking...

He's thinking about the new boat he is going to put a down payment on with all the money he is going to make from his crazy client. lol.

Sorry your hearing won't be until December.

Has it been postponed once, or am I thinking of someone else?

What are you planning on doing about Thanksgiving? Any thoughts yet?

I'm proud of you for putting your foot down and taking the kids for a weekend.

Six earlier hearing dates were offered to STBX, and all were declined, citing work schedule conflict. My attorney said she would not force it yet, as she had to put in a good faith effort to accommodate. At least now there is a date. But more craziness will occur between now and then. (It already has, if you've been keeping up:-)

I'm taking DS to NYC for Thanksgiving, against the protests of STBX--who tacitly agreed at first but then balked as the date drew nearer. (Loss of NPD control.). My attorney had to get a letter from her attorney stating she will not interfere.

I will not have the kids this weekend after all. STBX refused to offer a schedule and again told DD they would be with her--and then offered me next weekend. Infuriating, but my attorney advised I accept the offer, erring on the side of being the flexible and reasonable one. She says it would be a good defensive move and defuse conflict. Endgame in mind, always.