SurvivingInfidelity.com^®

And if she circumvents me again and essentially just takes the children, I will repeat my actions: let it go rather than upset the children, but follow up with a memorializing email.

I don't know if i would continue to give up your stance on the weekends that you want to have the kids.

but then, i am also not there in your shoes. My fear is that she will say "look, I have had them every weekend so far, why change that now?"

If you are going to put your foot down, keep it down. The more you lift your foot, the more she will use it to walk all over you.

My fear is that she will say "look, I have had them every weekend so far, why change that now?"

That is what I suspect will happen. And the judge will agree.

ABD, I sure hope your lawyer knows this particular judge very well.

I sure hope your lawyer knows this particular judge very well.

She does, NG, and assures me he is "very fair and very decisive."

Okay.

Regarding Call of Duty:

Your WW told her atty: He is ALWAYS on the TV playing COD, and he has a girlfriend.

Atty is being led around a ring with a lasso and will not be happy when he realizes your WW is lying to him!!!!

Keep in the back of your mind, that this may not go to court. Both of our attys wanted to settle before the D. Her atty is trying to find stuff to use for leverage....Again,,, wait till he realizes she is lying to him! Atty's get really angry over that kind of stuff!

Her desperate suggestion that I am playing video games while I should be watching the kids????

Did she ever play with AP when she should have been attending to the kids?

Which is more disruptive to kid's lives - video games or adultery?

And btw....ignore ANY allegations that she makes towards you in regards to your online activities. Don't acknowledge them AT ALL.

Agreed. I don't think this is going to be a real issue, but I would not offer your playtimes. I know it's hard - -I'm the first person to shoot myself in the foot by being overly forthcoming. She's playing dirty. You're going to play clean with the truth on your side and come out on top. Just don't try to be the nice guy and hand them ANYTHING they can twist.

Did she ever play with AP when she should have been attending to the kids?

Of course! Before I caught her, after I caught her (she left the home overnight several times to be with him prior to her formally moving out) and numerous times she has been with the kids she has employed sitters, leaving them for hours while she went to be with him.

Sure, if you give us a log of what percentage of your visitation has included an AP and the percentage of your visitation that has been covered by babysitting.

I would not give her a fucking thing without getting something back.

I'm surprised your L is agreeing to it. It is ridiculous. I know these games are super addictive but, seriously - she is clutching at straws.

The desperate actions of a desperate deadbeat mum. Don't let this rattle you, AD. She wants you to react to this to use it against you.

I'm surprised your L is agreeing to it.

Now you've got me worried I made the wrong decision is telling her to agree. But again, she believed it is utterly frivolous and would prove nothing at all. All they would have is a bunch of hours in which I was logged in coinciding with the times I had the kids.

So what? And therefore? To claim that I was actively playing this game and not watching the kids is such a leap, it seems to me--and to my attorney. The records of me logging time online is meaningless. For that matter "someone" might have been logged on using my account. It could have been a friend, my brother, or nobody since if I don't log out it shows that I am "on" but not necessarily playing.

They would have to have cameras installed in my home showing me playing games--and while what occurred? My kids played in the street while shooting heroin?

In any case, if they believe they have some damning evidence against me, you can bet I will bring out the big guns--subpoenas of actual eyewitnesses who for nine years have observed me and my impeccable, present parenting skills, and my wife absent, even when she was present (in addition to numerous obvious irresponsible and odd behaviors).

I still think I made the right decision and it will be laughed out of court. Can you imagine a celebrity divorce headline? "Angelina Jolie demands records from Activision to demonstrate Brad Pitt is an unfit father!"

But again, even having said all that, I am worried--these days I am worried about everything. Even if I'd said no, I'd be worried about the blowback of that. I find I am living in dread that my hopes are way too high and she will get everything: our children, our home, my money. All that she left me, and now she will finish me off.

[This message edited by Abbondad at 9:23 PM, November 15th (Friday)]

The point is that you don't WANT to bring out the big guns. You don't want to make this nasty and ugly and uber-expensive. Sure, you can let her play her stupid subpoena games and *agree* to it....OR you can tell your lawyer to call her lawyer and say *WTF are you doing?*

Your goal is not to get in a pissing match with her over *who* can prove *what*. Your goal is to get divorced, in the most economical fashion possible, with the least amount of upheaval to the kid's lives. Period.

The beauty of the anonymous online forum (which also applies to your online call of duty play) -- is just that....it is anonymous. At this point in time, you are still married. So don't be so quick to *agree* to your stbxww spending marital funds on frivolous legal *reaches*. Make your L challenge that dumb shit.

So did I screw up in telling my lawyer to go ahead and let them subpoena the records? It's already been done. She already wrote back to him a few days ago. Now I am rather anxious.

Discovery in our courts is not a situation where one side has the latitude to agree to the information sought by the other side. She has a right under the Rules of Civil Procedure to "discover" information from a variety of sources. Your attorney may object and seek to quash a subpoena or deny access to information for certain reasons. Those reasons may include "not likely to lead to the discovery of admissible evidence," "unduly burdensome," privacy or harassment issues.

It is generally not a good thing to obstruct discovery without very good cause. DO NOT piss off the judge if you can avoid it. They hate silly discovery disputes. If you do seek to quash this subpoena, make sure you and your attorney have thought it out fully and it makes sense in an overall strategy.

[This message edited by crisp at 5:53 AM, November 16th (Saturday)]

So don't be so quick to *agree* to your stbxww spending marital funds on frivolous legal *reaches*. Make your L challenge that dumb shit.

It is generally not a good thing to obstruct discovery without very good cause.

Again, I am confused and now rather anxious.

I think your first instincts are on target, don't bother quashing it, at this point it'll look like you have something to hiss, instead follow your lawyers advice, and go from there. Your attorney knows the judge, knows your case, they are the expert here.

Trust the lawyer but don't hesitate to say "I don't want to waste time or money on frivolous things."

I wonder what she is trying to get away with while you toil away focusing on this new thing she threw at you. Is this her pattern, throw something stupid at you so you are busy with that, all the while she is doing something way worse? Only you will know that but my point is don't get distracted by the fly buzzing around the big pile of crap you might step into.

Bottom line -- don't sweat it. Like crisp said -- you can't/couldn't stop her from filing it. My main point is to just make sure that your L knows that you feel strongly that this avenue your stbxww is pursuing is frivolous and stupid (for lack of a better word).

I know I have to stop trying to figure her out and analyze our marriage and all that, but I have had a realization: As you know, they rewrite the marriage to justify their actions. Well, there was not much for her to rewrite, as it was quite a happy one.

But one of the things she always cited as evidence of what a bad father and husband I suddenly had always been was that I played video games too much.

(This always made my jaw drop: "That's it? That's one of the reasons I made you have an affair? I guess I should have been going to strip clubs instead?")

So I guess that part of this is her still rewriting. I suspect she always will.

But one of the things she always cited as evidence of what a bad father and husband I suddenly had always been was that I played video games too much.

Damn, had I known how bad your addiction was, my advise to you would have been VERY different!

Common tactic in contested custody cases. Throw as much sh*& as you can at the wall and hope something sticks. If and when her atty realizes that this is all she's got. I've got a feeling that there's going to be some desperate last minute negotiation.

Doing good. Keep calm, carry on.

Discovery in our courts is not a situation where one side has the latitude to agree to the information sought by the other side. She has a right under the Rules of Civil Procedure to "discover" information from a variety of sources. Your attorney may object and seek to quash a subpoena or deny access to information for certain reasons. Those reasons may include "not likely to lead to the discovery of admissible evidence," "unduly burdensome," privacy or harassment issues.

It is generally not a good thing to obstruct discovery without very good cause. DO NOT piss off the judge if you can avoid it. They hate silly discovery disputes. If you do seek to quash this subpoena, make sure you and your attorney have thought it out fully and it makes sense in an overall strategy.

This is true and what I've experienced too.

Completely separately Abbondad, you wouldn't have to subpoena your friends to testify about what a good dad you say you've been. You would just ask them to testify.

Lastly, this is all just noise. Ignore it. Let your attorney handle it. This is a lot of drama about nothing, and you're getting very worked up over it. Video games will not become the deciding factor in this case.

[This message edited by ChoosingHope at 3:17 PM, November 16th (Saturday)]