SurvivingInfidelity.com^®

JJ

Put that picture of her back in the attic... its ancient history. Find a picture of yourself, alone and looking young and radiant, BEFORE you met this POS betrayer. Prop it up in your room. Remember that guy? Get back in touch with him... he's still there! You will get through this.

I share the comments made by other posters here. Stay strong and do you best to survive these first few days. Look forward to living again because you will get there.

She didn't show up to get her dog. Now, it will be Wednesday, she says.

Control issue, methinks.

Is there a friend you can drop her dog off with so you don't have to play her games?

I'd hang the wedding picture up in a prominent location. Then, attach a dry erase marker to it. On the upper half, draw devil horns, a soul patch, pirates earring...whatever you want. On the lower half make a list of pros of her leaving.

No more mind games.

Not living with someone who could break a dog's heart.

No longer worrying about STDs.

Go to coffee with the cute girl whose been smiling at me.

Honestly, I would just throw her picture in the trash on trash day. Let her wonder what happened to it.

Wow, she is a real piece of work. It's ironic, telling your story, I can see clearly what a real piece of work she is. Funny, I see clearly now a few months out the same ridiculous, selfish, and cruel behavior of my own WS.

I'm a few months out from his abandonment, 8/21/2013. Please take my word for it, with time, you will get some true clarity on how much better off you are. Right now is too soon, so mourn, cry, scream, sob.

Just remember to eat and sleep. See a doctor for meds if you must, but do these things. She is so not worth it.

Read your profile. My definition of romantic is someone who only 30-40% of the time helps with the cleaning, grocery shopping, and household chores. He would be my hero after so pathetically little effort from my STBXH.

Ask 95% of the female BSs on this site if they feel the same about romance. Most of us had nada. As in nad a damn bit of help or effort.

You are a gem. An honest to goodness gem. You just need to heal so you can shine bright again.

Hang in there. It will get soo much better and sooner than you think. You just need to cut her loose in every way possible.

StillLivin, in all fairness, it wasn't all romance that caused me to do the household chores.

First, I love to cook. And I love growing my garden and cooking from it's produce. I make an awesome salsa!

Second, I was a soldier for 20 years. I have certain standards that... Well, let's just say that she couldn't meet. (She would live like a pig if I didn't take care of things). So rather than try to change her, I simply remained consistent. It was no big deal, I like to be busy anyway.

Maybe there is some validity to her complaints that I didn't take enough time for her, that I didn't talk with her enough. Maybe we should have eaten a few more frozen pizzas in a dirty house with a yard that looks like hell.

Something tells me that even then, the situation would be the same, but the excuses would be different.

If and when I meet someone else, I am going to behave in exactly the same way... Just hope whoever she is, that she doesn't have snakes in her head.

Something tells me that even then, the situation would be the same, but the excuses would be different.

You hit the nail on the head here.

I am sorry she is so broken.

(((hugs))) and continued strength.

I second what karma said.

It's not your fault man. I'm in the same boat, and I keep wondering "if I would have________, maybe she wouldn't have cheated". Fill in the blank, and I've probably thought it. Bottom line, and what I have to keep telling myself, is this: she cheated and will fill in that blank with something no matter what you did or didn't do.

Yep, RS every time we talk it is a new excuse.

I didn't give her enough attention.

I don't make as much money as she does.

I like to read too much.

I got "older".

It's not a fairy tale anymore (my fault).

Etc.

in all fairness, it wasn't all romance that caused me to do the household chores

And this is what makes it so romantic, it was just you being you no agenda.

First, I love to cook. And I love growing my garden and cooking from it's produce. I make an awesome salsa!

You love to cook!? Excuse me while I finish choking on my lunch.

Wow, amazing. You have all of us females in awe and admiration.

And you gardent too????? Oh, hells no, BTW nobody makes a better salsa than me. Guacamole for that matter too!

Look, Justjim, Both my STBXWH and I retired from the military as well. He was still a freaking slob and lazy as hell at home. Oh, don't get me wrong, he put on a great show for others. He would call in to work and tell them I had to go to the hospital or I was sick. They all thought he was so wonderful and attentive. First off, he wouldn't go with me to the hospital (I had to take myself or call an ambulance) and as for taking care of me, if you call sitting in front of the tv and watching football or playing football madden as taking care of his sick wife, yeah, he was fantastic.

I simply remained consistent. It was no big deal, I like to be busy anyway.

Wow, codependent like crazy. Dude, you completely sell yourself so short. What the hell did your wife do? Think on it. What if you read this coming from some women talking about her husband. Would that give you a little more clarity.

I'm telling you that you are me. I worked more hours than him. I would rush to the commissary on my lunch hour and get groceries (4 teenagers in the house) almost EVERY day! Then after a 12 hour shift, give counselings for work performance to my Soldiers. I had to rush home in traffic and run in the house, unload all the groceries because the kids were at their respective sports practices and he sat on his ass (again football Madden). I would scrounge for cutlery and start cutting, dicing, sauteing, whatever. Dinner had to be ready, dishes had to be washed. Had to help the youngest (ADHD) with his comprehension of his assignments. THEN I would start my homework (around 2200) for my classes.

Weekends were crazy too because I was doing everything for 4 teenagers and a big lazy adult.

So while I'm here rambling, my point is, don't sell yourself so short. I would have loved loved loved for my husband to just lift a finger once in a while.

Maybe there is some validity to her complaints that I didn't take enough time for her, that I didn't talk with her enough.

I'm throwing the BS card down, yet again this week! Yep, asshat said the same thing. That he wasn't important to me because I was always ignoring him. Yep sure was while I was ironing his crap, picking up his Class A's from the cleaners helping him with writing his soldiers' awards or NCOERs. What the hell ever. Oh wait, I was raising HIS kids. He never took a single kid to ANY dr or dental appts. The kids and I did all of the yard work. I would have really liked to have had a garden, but no time quality management in the world was going to make that happen. I think I was getting about 4.5 hours of sleep 7 days a week for about 3 years at that point in the relationship.

Maybe we should have eaten a few more frozen pizzas in a dirty house with a yard that looks like hell.

Of course you could have ate crap all the time, but a soldier (or whatever service you were in) has to keep themselves up physically at all times.

I swear, I'm not trying to hit on you, but where the hell were you stationed at when I was single. I will never understand how selfish people seem to end up with the winners and people that deserve better end up with asswholes that cheat on them. Where is the balance?

I'll trade you my salsa recipe for your guacamole one!

Thanks for making me grin.

PMing you now!

OK. I'll have to send you mine later. I am at work right now, and The Princess wants to come and get her dog after work and "sit and talk".

SHE can talk all she wants. I've got nothing to say.

Justjim,

Is there anyway you can have a mutual friend there when she comes. I know with STBXH he won't show his tail end if there is a witness. He tends to shut his trap more too!

Yep, send it whenever. I sent salsa, pico de gallo, and guacamole recipe.

You don't need this crap. I wish I had found this site and followed all the great knowledge before DD. I didn't do too bad on my own, but couldv'e used the extra knowledge.

You really don't want to be alone around her if you can help it and NC is best.

If you spent 20 years in the military, you may not have ridden the bull, but you've been to the rodeo and seen the show 2d hand.

Don't sell yourself short anymore. You really are a GEM! Carry yourself like such. You and all of us deserved better.

Even if their lies were true, even then nothing validates an affair, the sneaking around, the disrespect, the cruelty and utter indifference as if we were less than dirt. I know in my case I did way too much for him and his kids to deserve any of it.

Stay sane and grounded.

Oh, and I'm a true latina, no measurements on the recipes, just to taste and how the vegies smell!

Her little visit to pick up her dog did not go as she expected.

She walked in with a very aggressive attitude and some bullshit document that she had typed up titled "Separation Proposal". It also said "One Time Offer" in bold print. It basicly layed out a division of property and leaves me with full responsibility for selling the house, giving me six months to either refinance it in my name or put it on the market. Either way, her financial responsibility ends in one year.

I told her that I needed to have it looked at by an attorney. She said that she had already had it looked over by an attorney she knows (that I have never heard of) and that said attorney told her that she was far too generous, and that (in her exact words) I would be "a damned fool not to accept".

I questioned her credibility on this and she got pissed. She asked why I thought she would lie about such a thing. I replied that she had lied to me, the official who married us, and to God himself when she took her vows; she had lied when she tried to sneak out the door last week, and a hundred other lies.

She got more pissed.

She expected to find the sad, weepy, broken man she walked out on on Thanksgiving morning. Instead, she found someone who was regarding this situation as an adversarial business proposition, and was in protection mode.

Perhaps the biggest fireworks came over health insurance. She made it seem as if she were doing me a big favor by keeping me on her employer provided insurance until the divorce. When I pointed out that she is also covered under TRICARE due to my military service, she replied that "TRICARE is FREE". I explained that she could only consider it free because she wasn't the one living in a hole in the ground eating MREs and drinking warm desaliniated water for months. I told her that the premiums on the insurance I am providing dwarf anything she pays.

She says it won't count in court.

I told her that I needed time to consider and prepare, since she has had time to set this up, AND that she is a veteran of this type of thing since she did exactly the same thing to her first husband.

She said I had better not take too long, her "generous offer" won't be on the table for long.

Then she took her dog and left.

I sure do miss that dog.

You handled that beautifully. Bravo, JJ. You keep moving forward and you will get there. I make a pretty decent salsa and guacamole myself. To be honest a man who gardens, cooks,cleans and loves dogs, you get healed from this and you will have the women lined up at the door.

t/j what movie is that line from? I have been wracking my mind since I first saw you posting. I know that line and that movie, I just can't place it. Seriously, it's driving me nuts.

"Unforgiven", with Clint Eastwood.

I think the same line was in "Red Dawn", too.

Wow, she really is stupid..ahem, cough cough....meant to say a real winner!

WTH ever.

JJ, you did good brother you did good!

Now, prepare to dig your heels in and stand your ground.

That was her being "nice".

Get your attorney hopping and popping. Decide what you want, but ask for the sun, moon, and stars. You can always negotiate down.

Don't let that B get the best of you. There is a time to fall down, cry, and grieve. First put your game face on and get the mission accomplished. Stay strategic. I had to compartmentalize like crazy to do what I had to get done to take care of me and my best interests. I couldn't afford to break down anymore until after my agenda was accomplished. You have that same strength, you just showed it last night.

Oh and get cracking on my salsa recipe, said while tapping my foot impatiently!

I knew it was Clint Eastwood and a western. Happens to be one of my favorites too, so is Red Dawn. :)I just don't have the movie memory that I used to