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I was out of town helping my mother with my brother's house. He passed away 3 years ago and we can barely go there now. Anyway, while I was gone 2 couples we know had a little party for WH's birthday.

After one couple left the others and WH kept drinking until 4 in the morning. He passed out of their couch. He woke up and was kissing the girl while her and her ex were having sex. He got up and got out of there. He drove home drunk. He even forgot to get our son, who was there hanging out with the couple's kids. This all happened in the living room with the kids sleeping in their bedrooms. He said he practically scrubbed his skin off. He called me the next day and told me.

I was so disgusted. I sent a text to the guy asking what happened and he said they were all drunk and it was a mistake and it would NEVER happen again.

So...like the smart person my WH is, he went back to their house. It was a mistake after all :::eyeroll::: The lady started rubbing herself and rubbing her foot on WH's leg and took her boobs out and said, "I know you want some of this." The man was egging him on. WH left and now he's saying he was a victim.

Get this. They are mad at US! I wasn't even there. I they are afraid we will tell all of the other parents. (the kids all play football together and a lot of the parents hang out) The stupid assholes. Apparently everyone already knew or heard rumors except us.

I am beyond mad.

I'm sorry, however I don't believe his version of events at all. That is just way out there.

He woke up and someone was kissing him and others were having sex? He went back the next day??

Sounds like he was trying to cover his ass.

Excuse my attitude but ummm - no?

"I was violated! Oh my gosh! Oh yeah I will go back there the next day." Lol

Did it ever occur to him to tell them to postpone the party until you returned so you could be there to celebrate? Personally, I'd be livid!!!

1. Because he made a really stupid decision to drink himself into oblivion.

2. Because he put your kids in a situation where they might have seen it.

[This message edited by Trying2Survive1 at 4:42 PM, December 3rd (Tuesday)]

million tears

I hope I don't give offense, and I'm going to state this as gently as possible.

Him not leaving immediately the first time was f...ed up on so many different levels that there wouldn't be enough space to type it all.

And then he went back??????

What are your dealbreakers? I hope that you seriously know your own value and what you shouldn't have to put up with. My heart breaks for you after the first 2 paragraphs. It physically made me sick to read what he is doing to you and your son.

I take it he went back to pick up the child.

Sounds like they are swingers. You WS should not drink anymore without you, jmo.

No, he went back the next weekend. I'm surprised he told me.

I truly believe you are missing huge chunks of the truth and his victim story is just that, a story.

You deserve so much more.

This is new...not the A that brought you here?

This in addition to being kicked out of a strip club...places notorious for tolerating crass behavior?

He's disrespecting you, your M and your family. He has no boundaries...not even protecting kids from his poor choices and certainly not protecting you.

No, he went back the next weekend. I'm surprised he told me.

I'm guessing you were still away when he went back the next weekend? WTF?

I'd still be wondering what he *real* story was.

Sorry you have to go through this, hugs.

I agree, there's some missing pieces to the story. I might have cut him some slack until....he went back. He's dipping his toe in the water and testing. This couple is bad news for your M. I hope their parties are off the list and defin if there is alcohol involved.

Wow. He went back and now wants to claim to be the victim of these sick swingers. There is something wrong with his story. I would be pissed that my son was there when this happened and the fact that your dumbass husband forgot and left him there with these sick people would make my blood boil over. I do not buy for a minute that your husband was innocent in all this and I say that just because he went back for more. He went back and put himself in the position again. Nobody can be that STUPID. He has some serious boundary issues that he needs to address.

I can't believe he went back. He told me he thought it was just a drunken mistake and that they said they were sorry and it wouldn't happen again. Who has that little common sense? Who cares if it happens again? It happened once. dumbass. I don't believe he is telling the whole truth either. I just can't figure out why he told me in the first place.

Thank God my son didn't wake up or any of the kids for that matter. I guess one of their kids told my son that the parents do, in fact, have sex with other couples, which I already knew. It's sad that the kids know. They also talked about smoking pot with their 15 yo.

I am at a loss at what to do now. Things were going so well for almost 5 years and then there was the stripper incident I posted about and now this.

He told you in the first place because he knows that this swinging couple talks. He's heard the rumors and in case a rumor starts going around about him he needs a story. So he tells you this story so that if you hear something he can fall back on his story and claim that's all it was.

The swinging couple are in on it and will go along with it. Think about how crazy his story is! He wakes up kissing her? Seriously?

Here's the best part. He gets up and runs out of there because he's so disgusted. So the swinging couple knows that he's not okay with this behavior. And then you call the other guy so the couple definitely knows that this behavior is not cool with your WH. But then he's over there a week later and the girl is throwing her boobs at him and saying she knows that he wants some??? It makes no sense. And that's because it's not true.

Swingers are a little different but they're not crazy. If his story was true the couple would know to cross him off their list of swinging partners.

I would even question the "they are mad at us". How do you know this? Is your WH telling you this? Saying the couple is mad would be a genius way to build a wall between you and the swingers he's having sex with.

Sorry, but I don't buy any of that story.

I read a text message from the guy that said he could be our worst enemy and some other stuff so they are mad at us....BUT the rest is just too far fetched. He is sticking to his story. In the past he has fessed up eventually to what has happened. When I ask him about this time he just gives me the victim story.

I don't know what to do. I am going to talk to my psychiatrist next week.

I feel like I need to do something. I'm giving him the message that it's ok to screw up.

I'm going to be the odd one out here and not be so quick to dismiss his story. The scenario he describes is almost identical to something that happened to someone in my son-in-law's family. And it was the truth. And oddly the swinging couple was furious with them when they didn't participate.

BUT the rest is just too far fetched. He is sticking to his story. In the past he has fessed up eventually to what has happened. When I ask him about this time he just gives me the victim story

Mt you are missing the point. It doesn't matter if he is telling the truth, this one time! He went somewhere without you, drinking and acting inappropriately in a sexual way. Then he went back for more!

This^^^ this is the issue! Why is this ok with you?

At this point in your WS adventures, it wouldn't even matter if he is or isn't telling the truth. The fact that he went there and did what he did and then went back should be the dealbreakers.

Why don't you think you deserve more? You are breaking my heart, sweetie. I wish we could send real hugs across the internet. But, since we can't

(((million tears)))

he could be our worst enemy

Save that text - file a RO. Don't let them get away with intimidating either of you!

Thank you everyone for your responses. I have been reading and rereading them.

He has promised this will never happen again. There has been NC. We talked about the fact that he went back. I asked him how he could be a victim if he went back for more. He didn't have an answer.

I don't know if this is a deal breaker for me. I'm just numb. I don't even care anymore.

(((MT)))

Try to look at this from an outsider, that you don't have any emotional involvement to gain some perspective.

1. He did something when you weren't there that should have been off the table as a possiblity to begin with. That is going with other couples without you there, and getting blind drunk. IF that is even true. So it shows horrible disrespect for you. Did he ask, did you give permission for this?

2. He wakes up with her kissing him? Really? I'm sorry but I don't buy it. If he was passed out drunk why would she kiss his face? He was horrified from a kiss? Nope not buying it. I would ask specifically what she was kissing, if you get where I'm going.

3. He went back? Really? Nope something happened more that first time, and he was wanting to know what would happen sober, I am betting dimes to dollars. He freaked and couldn't follow through, and thus the confession because they were aggressive in making sure he maintained their secrets.

If you do nothing sure he is getting away with it. He has terrible boundaries, and has no consequences for his actions. You want to quit being treated like an option, or an afterthought? Then you are going to have pull on those Bitch Boots, and start demanding the respect you deserve, and that may very well mean making life very uncomfortable for him. Like sleeping on a couch, or in a siblings home until he can get his firmly entrenched head out of his rear end.

I understand that you are in pain right now, but how many times are you going to allow this man to destroy your trust, your well being. BTW I would at a MINIMUM make him get STD tested before allowing him to be intimate with you.

((((and strength)))