I realize this thread is not really about weight, it is about her husband's assholery, and I hate to T/J, but I thought this needed a response:
Is there anything about a spouse's appearance that is open to comment or suggestion that will not hurt a spouse?
Not unless it is said with the utmost verrryyyy careful consideration. I don't know about other women, but for me, a negative comment about a woman's weight/beauty is akin to what I imagine a negative comment about dick size is to a man. For me, it is something I don't forget. Ever. It is extremely hurtful. You just do NOT go there.
So how do you encourage a woman to care more about her appearance, lose weight, whatever? Through love and positivity.
Trust me guys, those of us that have gained weight are PAINFULLY aware of it. We don't need anyone to tell us that we need to lose weight, all that does is make it worse, and will actually sabotage any efforts and desires that might already be occurring.
So how do you help/encourage someone lose weight? You tell her how beautiful she is. You tell her specifically what you find beautiful/attractive about her. Beautiful eyes, hair, skin, hands, whatever. You tell her all the positives you can think of...what a good mother she is, how proud you were when she got that raise at work, how proud you were when she made all the kids Halloween costumes, how lucky you feel to have found her, how blessed you were when she agreed to marry you, how wonderful it is to know she is always there for you.
You remind her of old times when you did this or that, and how much fun the two of you had, pull out some old pictures and reminisce together, talk about all the things you would like to do together in the future.
You suggest things that might help the two of you become more active. Bike riding on Saturday morning, taking dancing lessons together, going a hiking group, whatever.
Tell her you have decided to make some positive healthy lifestyle changes yourself, and do them.
You volunteer to cook. Make some healthy meals.
Ask her if there is anything you can do to help her out.
Love her.
And it will all come back to you a thousand fold. I promise you.
[This message edited by painpaingoaway at 8:07 AM, February 5th (Wednesday)]