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Just Found Out :
Survey: Who experienced hysterical bonding and who didn't?

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BrokenDaisy ( member #37063) posted at 6:29 AM on Monday, February 10th, 2014

No. Even through (false) R I just couldn't stand him touching me. Tried to have sex a few times but never could follow through. Ended up sobbing each time. I'm glad I didn't have sex with him again after dday though. He turned out to be a colossal asshole with many awful sexual perversions. I feel dirty enough having had sex with him before dday.

Me xBW, him SA NPD WxH
1 son: sole legal custody to me and supervised visitation to xwh.
No longer broken
DDay 01/2012
10/2013 Finally Divorced!!

posts: 337   ·   registered: Oct. 7th, 2012
id 6678668
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LearningToFly ( member #39073) posted at 6:32 AM on Monday, February 10th, 2014

Thirteen years ago when I found out that my WS was addicted to porn (which was something we both agreed was wrong before we got married) there was HB for a couple months. I wanted so badly to erase the images he had in his mind and heart with those other women. I wanted so bad to prove that I was worth being faithful to. Then one day, I was too exhausted from a day at the beach and said not tonight. He returned to his pouty self after that so the magic for me disappeared. We still had sex but it wasn't the same for me anymore.

When learning about his EA, I felt the urges to HB. He wasn't done with his feelings for AP, his focus was on her, and wasn't aware of my feelings. I resisted them because I knew that he didn't care about me. By the time he was ready to be faithful to me, his wife, instead of his AP my strong feelings to HB were gone.

I am scared sometimes that I will never want to be with him again. He hurt me so bad and still just doesn't get it.

Me - BS (53) Him-WS(58)
Her OW(55) HighSchoolGirlfriend
Together 30 years Married 28 Kids 24,21,18
D day Feb 26 2013 after 20 months
D day March 4 they met again "to say goodbye"
D day April 2 found out about secret email
June 2017 F

posts: 226   ·   registered: Apr. 24th, 2013
id 6678670
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GotPlayed ( member #41294) posted at 6:57 AM on Monday, February 10th, 2014

Yes. Big time.

It lasted until DDay#2. Never touched each other after that. She acted offended and wanted a S, but in reality I wouldn't have touched her with a 10-foot pole even if she had wanted to.

I still can't look at her body without feeling sick a little. And she's been working out a lot, so she looks great to most people. But for me...

Master of my Fate, Captain of my Soul.
XBH and healing. D final March 2016
Her: Doesn't matter anymore.
DS13 Severe SN. DD11 Awesome

posts: 1012   ·   registered: Nov. 10th, 2013   ·   location: California
id 6678679
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keptmyword ( member #35526) posted at 7:17 AM on Monday, February 10th, 2014

No.

Hell no. I wouldn't have touched that disgusting, dysfunctional POS even if she was hosed out with bleach. It would have been like kissing the floor of a truck stop bathroom. I would have hysterically barfed.

It has nothing to do with you.

Filed for and proceeded with divorce.

posts: 1230   ·   registered: May. 4th, 2012
id 6678686
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dmari ( member #37215) posted at 7:28 AM on Monday, February 10th, 2014

NO. My last sexual experience with him was probably a month before dday and it was lousy and pathetic ... now I know why.

posts: 2868   ·   registered: Oct. 21st, 2012
id 6678689
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TryingToReboot ( new member #42125) posted at 7:31 AM on Monday, February 10th, 2014

No, I have no interest in touching her

posts: 34   ·   registered: Jan. 19th, 2014   ·   location: Grand Rapids
id 6678690
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nomistakeaboutit ( member #36857) posted at 8:06 AM on Monday, February 10th, 2014

No.

Me: BH 65.........Her: WW 55
DD: 15.......DS: 12. (5 and 2 on DDay)
Married for six years.
DDay: 12-25-11 Divorced: 7-15-12
...................................

posts: 1306   ·   registered: Sep. 18th, 2012   ·   location: U.S.A.
id 6678702
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doistilllovehim ( new member #42239) posted at 9:08 AM on Monday, February 10th, 2014

Yes it was so insane to find out and within 48 Hours i needed him lime there was no tomorrow. Its been 8 weeks now and yes i do feel closer to him than ever before. Sexually that is. Pain hasn't stopped yet and I'm not sure it ever will completely go away. Making love with passion is very important to me, it has helped my emotional roller coaster immensely that he is being so intamite with me.

Me 29yr
him 29yr
together 6 years
2 kids age 5 and 9months
ONS(him) on the 10/11/2013

posts: 5   ·   registered: Jan. 28th, 2014   ·   location: New Zealand
id 6678724
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ICECOLD ( new member #40258) posted at 9:22 AM on Monday, February 10th, 2014

No.

"If you think the grass is greener on the other side, it's because it's fertilized with bullshit."

"If you think the grass is greener, you're welcome to take a hike"

BS:47
WS:45
Kids

R: one foot in, and one foot out

posts: 50   ·   registered: Aug. 10th, 2013   ·   location: Atlanta GA
id 6678727
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million tears ( member #24416) posted at 10:07 AM on Monday, February 10th, 2014

No! The first time we had sex after D-day, I cried.

posts: 1677   ·   registered: Jun. 15th, 2009
id 6678738
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Zayda1 ( member #35387) posted at 10:58 AM on Monday, February 10th, 2014

Yes.

Married 10 years, together for 12 years
2 children (9 years & 6 years)
Discovery of PA 04/15/12 (It only lasted a "couple of weeks" but it still shattered my world.)

posts: 482   ·   registered: Apr. 19th, 2012
id 6678744
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william ( member #41986) posted at 12:12 PM on Monday, February 10th, 2014

yes

me - bh
her - lara01

from 09/11 - 05/13
2 ONS, 10 sexting partners, 1 LT EA/PA

??/06/13 DD/1 - admits to LT EA, begin false R.
01/13/14 DD/2 - LTA was PA.
01/18/14 DD/3 - sexting 5 guys.
01/19/14 DD/4 - 2 ONS with different guys

posts: 2162   ·   registered: Jan. 9th, 2014
id 6678766
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JstCantBelieveIt ( new member #42214) posted at 12:25 PM on Monday, February 10th, 2014

Yes, still in it 4 weeks after Dday.

Me - BS 33
Her - WW 34
Kids - 14b, 9b, 8g, 6b
Married - 2003
Together - 1996
D-Day: 1/10/2014 (Admitted EA/PA 10/2012 - 3/2013)

posts: 11   ·   registered: Jan. 26th, 2014
id 6678773
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cl131716 ( member #40699) posted at 12:35 PM on Monday, February 10th, 2014

Dday- 7/23 yes although it didn't start until 6 weeks after I had our son so around sept.

After all other ddays- no

Me BS 33 Him WS 37
Together 6 years, married almost 4 years
D-day: 07/23/13 EA with COW
D-day: 12/27/13 found out about a past kiss
D-day: 05/30/16 Saw first text message from new COW
D-day: 09-08-16 Dr. Fone confirmed EA

posts: 1243   ·   registered: Sep. 17th, 2013   ·   location: Oklahoma
id 6678779
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SadInNC ( member #42170) posted at 1:22 PM on Monday, February 10th, 2014

YES and it makes me crazy! I go from kicking him out of the house to taking him back in and HB. Then the next night he is in the spare bedroom. Then, the next night, I need him and we are having sex again. Oh, and if I want sex and he is too tired or not in the mood...

BS/Me WH/Him

"Your value doesn't decrease based on someone's inability to see your worth." -Unknown Wise Person

posts: 355   ·   registered: Jan. 22nd, 2014   ·   location: North Carolina, United States
id 6678816
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chipmunk41 ( member #40694) posted at 1:27 PM on Monday, February 10th, 2014

yes, very briefly. Now there is zero...

Me: BS
Him: ExH
DD 9-13-13
Divorced 7/9/15

posts: 126   ·   registered: Sep. 17th, 2013
id 6678824
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foolishlycluless ( member #41404) posted at 1:33 PM on Monday, February 10th, 2014

Sad to say NO (with a hopeful "not yet.") Although since it has been over four months since our d-day, I'm not counting on it.

I think there are a lot of factors in play. At first it was hard for me to just get past the A. The last few weeks have been really rough. Suffice to say that I don't yet have full disclosure, and he's still TT'ing. Add to that his (prior) use of on-line porn, and it just makes me sick that he would prefer to get his stimulation and satisfaction over the net than with me, the woman that he professes to love. He describes the OW as his "sexual plaything."

We recently had a conversation about sex in general, in our "hierarchy of needs." I had stated that I needed the emotional connection - to "make love" - before I could just fu**. He said the opposite. He needs to fu** before he can "make love."

We're such polar opposites. I don't know if/how we will be able to get past this.

Me: BW; married 36 years; now happily divorced.
XWH: Not a bad person; just made bad choices. Now living with OW.

posts: 141   ·   registered: Nov. 20th, 2013   ·   location: Coastal Carolina
id 6678831
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Sparkle0504 ( member #40379) posted at 1:39 PM on Monday, February 10th, 2014

I don't know about HB, but sexually nothing really changed - we had an active, loving sex life before and after.

Me 52 (BS) Him 60 (EXSAWH)
DDay (too many to mention), but 1st 06/2011
I'm done. Separated.

Time is always right, to do right. (Dr Martin Luther King)

posts: 396   ·   registered: Aug. 21st, 2013   ·   location: England
id 6678837
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spond ( member #41686) posted at 1:41 PM on Monday, February 10th, 2014

Yes as well.

BH(me) | fWW
2 Kids - Married 2002
D-Day TT & EA | D-Day #2 PA
Reconciling

posts: 437   ·   registered: Dec. 16th, 2013
id 6678838
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starstruck ( member #29547) posted at 1:45 PM on Monday, February 10th, 2014

Yes!

But it seemed so strange that I would want to have sex with WH and still not want him to touch me!

It did help to feel closer but only briefly.

DDay 7/29/2010
Am hoping to reconcile!! Am I crazy or what?
If we all did the things we are capable of doing we would literally astound ourselves-Thomas Edison

posts: 335   ·   registered: Sep. 8th, 2010   ·   location: Pa
id 6678843
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