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Survey: Who experienced hysterical bonding and who didn't?

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alifeforesaken ( member #41139) posted at 1:56 PM on Monday, February 10th, 2014

None whatsoever. Our sex life wasn't great after DD was born, and we by chance got pregnant right around the time the A started but just before it got physical ( we didn't find out I was until way after it got physical). WH was always weird about sex during pregnancy and since I'm still pregnant there hasn't been much. Part of me wants some kind of contact and then part of me isn't sure I can handle it right now. I think I just want him to offer it and then not take it him up on it. If that makes sense.

[This message edited by alifeforesaken at 7:56 AM, February 10th (Monday)]

BW (31)
WH (32)
Children (1yr) (1 due Mar '14)
DD#1 - 9/28/13 DD#2 11/24/13

posts: 84   ·   registered: Oct. 28th, 2013
id 6678857
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marionwendy ( member #41303) posted at 2:11 PM on Monday, February 10th, 2014

YES! for about 5 weeks and started the very day I found out! (I thought I had lost my mind.) We are into our 5th month and the one thing that is still good between us is the intimacy? Strange?

BS-52
WS-53
Married-25
Together-25
Children-2

Life is not measured by the breaths we take
but by the moments that take our breath away.

posts: 267   ·   registered: Nov. 10th, 2013   ·   location: canada
id 6678879
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bionicgal ( member #39803) posted at 2:16 PM on Monday, February 10th, 2014

Yes.

From day after dday to ??. Almost 9 months in, now. At first I think it was HB, but it is looking more like just us, now, happily!

me - BS (45) - DDay - June 2013
A was 2+ months, EA/PA
In MC & Reconciling
"Getting over a painful experience is much like crossing monkey bars. You have to let go at some point to move forward." -- C.S. Lewis.

posts: 3521   ·   registered: Jul. 11th, 2013   ·   location: USA
id 6678889
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MC_Jack ( member #35016) posted at 2:21 PM on Monday, February 10th, 2014

Yes for approximately 15 months. Then my WW was injured running, which interrupted and ended the HB.

I am not a marriage counselor. I chose "MC Jack" because I like the Music City. I did not know what MC stood for on this site. Duh.

posts: 1014   ·   registered: Mar. 7th, 2012   ·   location: Mountain West
id 6678899
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AFrayedKnot ( member #36622) posted at 2:26 PM on Monday, February 10th, 2014

2 years out it's still going

It may not be as primal as it was in the beginning but its still there.

BS 48fWS 44 (SurprisinglyOkay)DsD DSA whole bunch of shit that got a lot worse before it got better."Knowing is half the battle"

posts: 2859   ·   registered: Aug. 28th, 2012
id 6678908
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tushnurse ( member #21101) posted at 2:31 PM on Monday, February 10th, 2014

I'm kinda like Chico.

Once real R started HB did as well. At 5 years out it is still going on.

I think part of my healing was really dependent on my becoming comfortable with being a sexual being, and having nothing to loose.

Intimacy helped us heal.

Me: FBSHim: FWSKids: 23 & 27 Married for 32 years now, was 16 at the time.D-Day Sept 26 2008R'd in about 2 years. Old Vet now.

posts: 20380   ·   registered: Oct. 1st, 2008   ·   location: St. Louis
id 6678911
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kalimata ( member #42104) posted at 2:35 PM on Monday, February 10th, 2014

I am a BH and YES I did experience hysterical bonding

posts: 191   ·   registered: Jan. 17th, 2014   ·   location: USA
id 6678916
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BrooklynLove ( member #41800) posted at 2:45 PM on Monday, February 10th, 2014

Yes

DDay1 was November 23rd 2012 & DDay2 was November 28th 2012. WH left and came back home December 12th 2012 then HB started and lasted until March 2013. I got pregnant on Valentine's day 2013 and morning sickness put a stop to HB.

Will never be naive again...

BW - Me (29)
WH - Him my JH sweetheart (34)
Married - 8 years
2 babies - DD (4) and DD (1)
OW#1 - PA with classmate for 2 months
OW#2 - Some slut living oversees that needs a green card. EA & PA going on for ye

posts: 111   ·   registered: Dec. 27th, 2013   ·   location: USA
id 6678935
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deena04 ( member #41741) posted at 2:52 PM on Monday, February 10th, 2014

Yes ! It was daily for about two weeks and dropped to like five times a week since (if that's a drop). Hubby says he wants it more now as well because the guilt of me not knowing affected him 'that way'. I totally don't understand it but ok.

Me FBS 40s, Him XWS older than me (lovemywife4ever), D, He cheated before M, forgot to tell me. I’m free and loving life.

posts: 3352   ·   registered: Dec. 22nd, 2013   ·   location: Midwest
id 6678946
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obliquestrat ( member #42165) posted at 2:54 PM on Monday, February 10th, 2014

Starting with the night of D-Day: YES.

We're just over a month now, and it doesn't feel as "hysterical" as it used to, but the bond is stronger than ever. When I read about people saying it lasted 6 weeks, 2 months, 3 months, it scares me a bit because we have a really good thing rolling, and physical intimacy has been a major component of that. But I'm not entirely scared, because it feels pretty damn real at this point.

posts: 110   ·   registered: Jan. 22nd, 2014
id 6678949
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NikkiD ( member #38173) posted at 3:17 PM on Monday, February 10th, 2014

DD1- Yes

DD2- HELL NAW...told him he cant EVA touch me. Still feel that way now.

"Spoil me with Loyalty; I can finance myself...."
ME: BS-33
HE: WS-32
Married 3 years, known 20
2 kids
D-Day #1 12/30/12
False Recovery
D-Day #2 1/21/14
LTA 5 years-ish
Riding the "Struggle Bus"
Living apart....

posts: 668   ·   registered: Jan. 18th, 2013   ·   location: Midwest
id 6678997
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overandone ( member #39162) posted at 3:36 PM on Monday, February 10th, 2014

Yes about 10 days after d-day - just to see if I could.Then about 10 days later, few days after that I invited him back into the bedroom. Been fine and regularly ever since.

Me - BW (54)
Him - fWS (61)
kiddies - daughters 22 and 27,son 22,
d-day - April 18 2012
15 years on/off LTA
R - but lots of bumps in the long road

posts: 310   ·   registered: May. 3rd, 2013   ·   location: uk
id 6679044
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solus sto ( member #30989) posted at 3:44 PM on Monday, February 10th, 2014

With D-day 1, yes. Subsequent ones, no.

I wish we did not experience it after the first, to tell you the truth; it lulled me into a sense of security that was completely unwarranted.

BS-me, 62; X-irrelevant; we’re D & NC. "So much for the past and present. The future is called 'perhaps,' which is the only possible thing to call the future. And the important thing is not to let that scare you." Tennessee Williams

posts: 15630   ·   registered: Jan. 26th, 2011   ·   location: midwest
id 6679073
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Gemstone ( member #42000) posted at 4:47 PM on Monday, February 10th, 2014

Yes

Partners affair was emotional not physical, maybe that makes a difference.

Brilliant sex but I am still hurt about it all, makes no sense but we are closer. Husband very remorseful, that also helps. Been 8 months since D day. sex not as often now as in beginning but more than before and much better, we also talk more and that is a big plus

posts: 97   ·   registered: Jan. 10th, 2014   ·   location: United Kindgdon
id 6679200
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Hannah25 ( member #42198) posted at 6:13 PM on Monday, February 10th, 2014

YES

It feels like I shouldn't want it, but I do.

ME: 35
WBF: 44
Together 11 years
DDay: 1/12/14
DDay2: 3/28/14

posts: 65   ·   registered: Jan. 24th, 2014   ·   location: Ohio
id 6679367
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SoVerySadNow ( member #36711) posted at 6:31 PM on Monday, February 10th, 2014

Yes.

And if there is ever a dd2, I'll be HB with someone else.

Me:BW
Him:WH
D-day(s),after years of TT and Gaslighting was Labor Day Weekend 2012, continuing for a week after. *Dammit! More TT 3/9/13
Really trending toward D- planning about it is my "happy place" now.

posts: 1292   ·   registered: Sep. 4th, 2012   ·   location: Sunny Florida
id 6679399
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BryanP37 ( member #39685) posted at 6:37 PM on Monday, February 10th, 2014

Initially, HELL NO! I threw her out upon confrontation and filed for divorce. Went dark after divorce was final despite some attempts on her part to get in touch with me. She managed to contact me 4 months later and offered the olive branch. She had changed quite a bit in that time.

Don't know if it is considered HB after being divorced 4 months but it started then and continues now with increasing intensity as we are rebuilding our relationship from scratch.

[This message edited by BryanP37 at 12:52 PM, February 10th (Monday)]

BS: Me-47XWS: Her-w/b 42Married 7 yrs, together 9 years-No kidsEx had 4 month PA with her BFF's husband. Other flings confessed during discovery. On a road to a successful R after divorce but lymphoma took her before we were able to remarry.

posts: 57   ·   registered: Jun. 27th, 2013   ·   location: Texas
id 6679410
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IamDyingInside ( member #41054) posted at 6:45 PM on Monday, February 10th, 2014

YES! It lasted about 2 months and has tapered off some. But overall we are still more "active" now than before and during the A. It is a crazy thing, glad you posted this question, something I had been wondering about myself!

Me: BW (41)
Him: WH (41)
2 Daughters - 20 and 16
Married 19 years, together 24 years
DDay - 09/08/2013
NC - 10/10/13 Broken 10/11/13
I feel like we are both trying R but I am just so skeptical of everything!! Hell, I don't know much right

posts: 78   ·   registered: Oct. 20th, 2013   ·   location: Lost in USA
id 6679417
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Breezy150 ( member #42421) posted at 6:50 PM on Monday, February 10th, 2014

Yes, right after d-day, and the first time he was home. He works out of town. I think it is over because he is about to be home again and the thought disgusts me.

I am so disappointed when a liar's pants don't actually start on fire.

BS me 41
WH 42 his whore was my friend
Married 24 years
Finally finding R?
3 kids 3 grand kids
DDay 1 -Jan 2 2014
DDay 2 -Feb 20 2014 A went underground fo

posts: 544   ·   registered: Feb. 10th, 2014
id 6679427
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fst86411 ( member #41644) posted at 6:57 PM on Monday, February 10th, 2014

Yes, it only lasted a week though. I told her I thought she was trying to buy me back with sex and that was the end of that and the new beginning of our old sexless marriage. Why am I still here?

Met 1997
Married 2002
D-Day July 8, 2012

Who knows what went on?

posts: 74   ·   registered: Dec. 13th, 2013
id 6679443
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