SurvivingInfidelity.com^®

I never thought he would do something like that. My dad and his dad both had affairs, and he saw what it did to our mothers.

I did know that he could never be alone, and would remarry within a year if I died before him. Maybe that was my sign.

He always said that he would never have an affair- if he wasn't happy, he would leave before ever doing that to me.

Yeah, fuck him.

The day before dday1, I was shooting a wedding on a boat, and one of the employees got busted trying to cheat with a guest. I turned to my assistant and said, "I am so glas i will never have to deal with that." Literally, the day before.

Could? Technically, yes. Would? Never in a million years.

There were times over the last 10 years that I was tempted to cheat and came very close to a few ONSs. But I never did. I always thought of her as a morally better person than me. If I never did, there is absolutely no way she could, right?

I was apparently very wrong. I still can't wrap my head around the fact that it went on for almost 6 months. I think I could have understood a drunk ONS, but not this.

I honestly thought that he could not ever cheat due to the fact that he would view that as a "black mark" on him. He would view himself as "less than". He was also body conscious and it took 2 years before he would exit the shower without a towel. Huh? What did I know?

This is how I came up with my user name. It was nowhere on my radar. Looking back there were LOTS of red flags but, I just never would let myself believe he had it in him to do what he did. I still feel the knife in my back.

No. It's pretty out of character. Really. He doesn't flirt. He doesn't notice other women. He seriously does not notice. He works with lots of women and there's never been any indication he would do anything of the sort. We're so close as to be nearly inseparable. Totally out of left field.

BUT, big but, here, he has a medical situation which has required him to take huge doses of medication, with which the first listed possible side-effect is: "Behavioral changes." These are prefrontal cortex sorts of changes. Risk taking type of stuff. The neurologist used the example of suddenly taking up gambling. A couple of months before the EA part started he had the meds doubled.

He's flabbergasted by what he did. I know he is because this is one strange thing for him. I've been with him for 22 years and we spend so much time together it's weird. This was a complete behavioral flip. No, I never thought he would do such a horrible thing as what he did. And I haven't mentioned half of it here. He managed to go way beyond cheating. He basically made me homeless after 21 yrs of marriage. And it didn't occur to him that it was even bad for me.

Some people talk about how the thing that happened turned their spouse into someone they didn't know. Definitely happened here. He was also being pursued. According to the OW she's been on the make for 13 yrs. Somehow this last year was the first time he even noticed after all that time. Weird. He's still on the meds, as his condition is life-threatening. He's considering brain surgery to get off of them. We don't want any more of these "side effects."

No...but maybe my guard should have been up. I knew he flirted inappropriately with women, was even worse after a few drinks, had low self esteem, and a constant need for respect and admiration....and I still didn't think he would stoop. Thing is, he was always about reputation. He would hate to be seen as "that guy". Yet he did it. Became the guy he always hated, made fun of and ridiculed..

I would've said absolutely not. I can't tell you the level of shock I've been on since I discovered his affair.

Never. Never. Never. I was always the love of his life. Except for the brief time that I wasn't.

If my H was capable of this, then I believe anyone could be.

Yep blindsided

I thought I would have to deal with it eventually--we had an open relationship initially, and then I knew he flirted inappropriately. Yet I still thought we loved each other so much that he would never hurt me in the way he did--that he wanted to be with me and would fight for me, that I mattered more than his insecurity, jealousy, resentment. As it turns out I was very very naive and waaaay too trusting and foolhardy.

@mj052

*raising hand* I would've bet that big money right there with you. Talk about shock and awe--I was completely blown out of the water.

Mine has never been the flirt. He's not outgoing. He actually got into it, partially, out of being naive. He was an idiot. He has a good job and she wanted the money. THat was about the whole score. He even gets it now.

[This message edited by mezmer at 10:11 PM, February 13th (Thursday)]

I was completely blindsided.Never,in a million years would I have thought my H would do such thing.

Exactly how I felt. I would have bet my own life on it. He was always telling me how lucky he was to have me and how much he loved me.

NEVER. I would have bet my life on it. I always felt so safe and secure and loved. The past two years have been rocky, but it still never occurred to me in the slightest. My Dad and Stepfather are both masculine, slightly macho guys who hate cheaters. My Stepfather was cheated on by his first wife. And my Dad is just the most honest, straight-shooting "Hank Hill" kind of guy. I don't have any experience with non-trustworthy men and never dreamt that my husband would be that guy.

And yes, I would say he also has "size" issues and a flabby gut, and since I'm being brutally honest, man boobs! None of these things bothered me (not that they were a huge turn on). STILL cannot believe a pretty, fit, big-boobed 22-year old wanted his sorry ass!

Also, I thought he had a low sex drive. Ha ha ha ha ha ha. Turns out he was just getting his kicks elsewhere.

I never thought SAWH would ever cheat on me once, let alone with 5 OW.

About a month before I accidentally discovered his first affair, I had found out he was talking online with a highschool classmate. He told me he would stop when I confronted.

I remember talking with my sister and she had asked me, "do you think SAWH would cheat on you?" I had replied, "he'd never do that."

I never knew he had already cheated with 2 OW and he was currently in an affair with another.

I'd say my blindness let me be blind-sided.

I'm with SisterMilkshake....yes, but I didn't think he would....so I was still blindsided by all of it.

I thought we were happy right up until the day I found out about the affair, and he then informed me that he wasn't and hadn't been for, I don't know how many months exactly as that time frame changes every time he says it.

What I would have never thought him capable of....is the way he has treated me and our kids, and everything he has done and continues to do since DDay.

[This message edited by Darcy3 at 11:30 PM, February 13th (Thursday)]

Nope, not in a million years. It blows my mind. Thinking about it is starting to make me angry.

I was so sure that he'd never cheat that I would have bet my life on it. My husband has body image issues. He's very shy and very private. He doesn't want friends and is very awkward in social situations because he struggles with small talk. He doesn't look at other women..doesn't flirt and is borderline rude when women try to flirt or even talk to him. He had strong boundaries with female employee's. I remember joking with my friend that I could leave him in a room full of naked, beautiful women and he still wouldn't do anything wrong. He has always felt like I was too good for him and that I would happier with a man that likes adrenaline sports like I do and has 6 pack abs etc. I work out so I'm in great shape. He doesn't and has let himself go. He's gained 60-70 lbs. I've never made him feel bad about his weight gain but I have tried to get him to work out and take better care of himself. When he started talking to the OW, he was at his heaviest he's ever been. I trusted him so much!! He worked nights and I never once checked up on him. I went to sleep every night confident that my husband was where he was supposed to be and would never put himself in a situation that involved another woman. I was so naive and dumb. Never again!!!

Absolutely blindsided. WW often spoke out against cheaters, never stopped saying she wanted a family with me and kept saying I was her best friend and that she was happy.