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Damaged, wow that's terrible!

She's in IC, though I bet there's lots of smoke blowing going on there.

Both my IC and lawyers seem to think it's nutty but haven't expressed any of the concern that you all are, I'm not sure why. They have expressed the need to secure finances and valuables in the house, and that's been done.

Oh my, what a monstrous situation. I am so very sorry.

I, also, would be very concerned about safety issues. Your wife sounds seriously disordered, and there is really nothing you can do about that other than to try to get custody of those children in order to protect them from growing up with a very very ill mother. Please seek out the VERY best attorney in your area that advocates for the rights of men. Save every scrap of info/evidence you have, and like someone else said, carry a VAR with you to record any interactions with her that may turn ugly. You can find some VAR's online that look like pens that you can just keep in your pocket at all times.

You may also want to seek out the advice of the men down in the 'I Can Relate' forum for men only.

My heart breaks for all of you, especially your children. And although I know the infidelity has broken your heart, I think infidelity is the least of your problems now.

Stay strong,

Peace,

PPGA

Damaged - One thing I neglected to state in my previous post is this.

As a medical professional, I can say that I know for a fact that many therapists are trained as Social Workers, or have psych degrees, but lack the ability to really work with someone who has had a true psychotic break, which it appears she has had. She is either not giving her IC the full truth, or the IC is so unable to manage this they don't even know it.

I firmly believe loading her up and taking her to the nearest emergency room for a full fledged psych eval is necessary. This is NOT normal stuff. This isn't just fantasy play for an A. This is truly f'd up break from reality, set up my spouse for a 48 hours mystery episode, or cause him pain and hurt beyond measure.

Please please please protect your children, and yourself now.

IDKW5 welcome to the crappiest club filled with some of the best people you'll ever 'meet'

On reading your situation I really feel for you.

Sorry, to me...

The worst part is the fantasy of 'getting rid of' the stalker.

Even if this is just her imaginary world, the real danger is that someone might be convinced that you are this stalker. Your life is then in danger if it isn't already.

Don't sit on this.

Take action for the well-being of your children.

WW is painting you as the stalker

and this

I have a very favorable prenup,

Could be seen as her motive.

I hope not, even the thought of that is horrific.

Take care.

(edit:typos)

[This message edited by Sadmumma at 7:36 AM, May 20th (Tuesday)]

does she believe these fantasies? Because if she does this sounds like classic schizophrenia to me. if she doesn't then it sounds like she's a pathological liar. in both cases, you need to be very careful. i think you need to have a specialist do a complete evaluation.

I had confronted her a while ago and she says they were lies told to the other man.

She's very very manipulative apparently. Looking back at our past there has been a ton of gaslighting.

I don't know if I had mentioned it already, but I discovered an alleged locked psych unit stay in her past. She was released then as not a harm to herself or others, but with personality disorders.

Yah.....given that bit of info I would pack her ass up and take her to hospital pronto. An IC may not be able to see through this crap, but a good Nurse, and ER Dr will catch on quickly.

A psych eval and stay will not look good if she attempts to gain custody either.

100% agree with Tush nurse

IC is to be at a more leisurely pace when you have questions and you and your WW can wait for the scheduled appointments to address them..

This situation is a wee bit more urgent than that..

[This message edited by doggiediva at 3:43 PM, May 20th (Tuesday)]

Mike 7 asked: "Does she believe these fantasies? Because if she does this sounds like classic schizophrenia to me. if she doesn't then it sounds like she's a pathological liar. in both cases, you need to be very careful."

I was honestly beginning to think "pathological liar" because she TOLD you she made this stuff up, but then, you mentioned a previous lock-up and release with a diagnosis of "personality disorder".

Is it possible to be both? A pathological liar with a personality disorder?

You mentioned the pre-nup. That was a red flag. Face it - all of our WS's are liars. And they all live in messed-up fantasy worlds while they are in their "A's". They tell elaborate lies to cover up their whereabouts; they set up other credit card accounts, e-mail accounts, etc. When they are with their AP's in public, they pretend that they are married to each other. Your wife has without a doubt taken it to an extreme. But I worry that her lawyer is going to use some kind of an insanity defense to make sure you end up giving her what I don't think she deserves.

Sorry. It is one thing to make up a fantasy world complete with characters and events. But the fact is that she really did have an affair! That was no fantasy. Yes, she went to insane extremes to play it out, but, like I said, she just took what our WS's did to some sick, sick level. I don't know. I just don't trust her and don't want to see you get screwed...

She's not schizophrenic. Schizophrenics are not organized enough to be able to keep up with such an elaborate ruse. She sounds like a classic case of borderline personality disorder. Nearly impossible to treat. RUN for your life.

I had just recently discovered where they both talked about this imaginary stalker x being killed or taken care of once and for all. It scared me, so I took steps to ensure that this other man knew it was all a lie, and he finally believed he'd been lied to about all kinds of crazy things and called it off with her.

So, who do you think she intended to use as a "stand in" when they decided to make this a reality? OM has probably been convinced that it's YOU who's off their rocker- a very dangerous stalker ex who:

was blackmailing her into not talking to him during the period

They're talking about you. You need to protect yourself.

She sounds like a classic case of borderline personality disorder. Nearly impossible to treat. RUN for your life.

Funny you should say that, I hadn't mentioned that here. That's one of the diagnosis I was told came out of the most recent locked unit stay...

If you were to spend casual time with her you'd have no idea that anything unusual lies beneath the surface, buy after reading about the dx in the DSM I can see a lot of the 9 types of symptoms required for the dx in her, and there's allegations of childhood abuse that is typically associated with the dx. I'm no psychologist though, I certainly can't diagnosis anybody...

That's one of the diagnosis I was told came out of the most recent locked unit stay...

Ok, that's seriously scary. BPD? Most recent (indicating more than one) stay?

Brother, I was married to one also. Get her involuntarily committed for an eval.

You are NOT safe in your current circumstances.

I found out about 2 total, both many years ago and years apart. Apparently there are a couple years where nobody (including her family) knows what she was doing. What she had claimed turned out to be a lie and that led to the most recent locked unit stay. Of course I find all this out after 4.5 years of marriage. It's been a strange rollercoaster.

Edit:

She told me a story about what she was doing, and asked that I never repeat it, but it's not like I can accept any of that as fact at this point. I thought it was odd because while perhaps mildly embarrassing a job's a job.

[This message edited by idontknowwhy5 at 10:02 PM, May 20th (Tuesday)]

((idontknowwhy5)) hope you and your children are keeping safe. Very concerned about how you are doing.

Do you think the OM believes you that she is lying about things? or his he helping her keep the fantasy alive.

Wondering how stable he is.

Idontknowwhy - Why are you not acting. You are filling us in on history, and past, but based on the information you seriously need to take action.

I know it sucks, and it's scary, but I also have seen people this messed up do things to harm both themselves, and their families. These are the people that lock their kids in the car, and drive them into a lake, these are the people that hurt themselves, and then make false claims against their spouses. There is no limit to the level of crazy they will pull. If you can imagine it, it could happen.

What will NOT happen is that she magically ends all this, and life goes back to normal because you were Mr Nice Guy. Time to protect yourself, and your kids.

I've given all this info and more to both my lawyers and to my IC and MC, and they don't seem to be terribly concerned for whatever reason. I have expressed the concern that she may act out after I file, but given the lack of any prior physical abuse there aren't apparently any other options...

I expect to be filing shortly, it takes a long time to get all the documentation together. I'm waiting to hear back from my lawyers about finalizing the filing which should be any day now.

Yah, well, they are limited about what they can do and say, I would be sure to have the phone out and 91 dialed when they serve her, cause that might just be the moment the high speed come apart happens.

If she goes quiet, take the kids away for a few days, in the ruse of camping trip, or a getaway.

I'm going to have to ask my team wth is taking so long... I feel like an a$$ carrying out the charade that we're reconciling, but I can't let on about impending filing until she's served.

MC insists we express how we appreciate each other's actions and how they make us feel loved. Um, you didn't give me an std, so that's something? You haven't fled the state with my kids?

I want to hurry up and get this filing done, so then I can sit back and deal with the next year or so of court battles.