Married 26 years (T 27)
10/3/12 Husband gives me ILYBNILWY speech, moves out 3 days later.
Still separated, now living together ( after 13 mos. APART weekdays/living together as H& W weekends). He got laid off long distance job 1/14 after 16 years & moved back home.
3 days after moving home suspicions about COW were just too much to take (10,000 texts in one month & multiple phone calls per day.. plus he called HER about the layoff FIRST). I confronted & he admitted they slept together & " it was over a long time ago" & "they are just friends".
I called BS on that. I told him I wanted D. He agreed he did too. I tossed him out of our bedroom.
He BLAMED ME for the affair...I "pushed him away", " he hasn't been happy for years", " he's weak". No remorse since. He did try to apologize but included the above reasons, so I told him to STFU.
I saw an attorney. Our house is underwater, He lost his job, I've been a SAHM since 1987.
I have physical issues due to RA arthritis & am slightly physically disabled. I suffer panic attacks & social anxiety. Husband has life threatening medical issues since birth.
I've been loyal our entire marriage. .. doting wife.I considered us best friends & we had a good life overall. Yes, we faced challenges and imperfections... but nothing I saw as unworkable. Others have Todd new they saw us as VERY compatible. ..a "good fit".
Everything was going along fine until we purchased our house after a job relo. That's where he met all new friends. Divorcing or recently divorced Co Workers. Including the OW. She is a "lesbian" married for 11 years to her wife. They co own a home about 20 minutes from ours. I've visited their home. My birthday party was there after we recently moved here. She told my husband he was "offs limits" ( makes me wonder WTF the conversation was) "because of me". Looks like she changed her mind.
I have no details other than that they had sex. ..I don't know when, but I'm placing it STARTING between MAY '12 & April '13. They are still in contact & in fact, I BELIEVE (but can not prove) that they were together this past Monday (3 days ago).
He left to"go to Home Depot" & didn't return for 4.5 hours. HD is 10 min. from our house. He came back quiet, nervous & south's not LOOK AT ME the rest of the evening.
I know this guy too well. That's GUILT. Just so happens former COW lives close by and is unemployed too. Her wife works all day. I hear her wife won't even SPEAK to my H... She hates him. Suspects something. I'm in the process of getting her info so I can talk to her.
This whole thing is a nightmare. The L told me to "reconcile" because financially I'm pretty screwed right now.
I have NO support IRL.
My dad is older & in poor health. He has no room for myself& my dogs.
My life was him & my kids. The kids are " Switzerland" & don't want to talk about it.
I can't afford IC. I've been trying to get a job for 1.5 years. Nothing!
I feel so totally alone & lost.
I did take 1/2 the money from our joint account when our tax refund came through & his final paycheck. This PISSED him off even though I paid all the bills first, before taking 1/2. He said I had no right to steal his money. In did this because I lived off $100 personal/gas/grocery money a month the entire time we were separated.
He then took the other half, abd switched his direct deposit. I've not seen another penny since. With unemployment & severance he's making $1000 more a month being off work, than he was when working. He insists I use the money I took to pay half the bills. I'm down now to under $1000. Less than 1/4 what he's bringing in a MONTH now.
I'm stuck with nowhere to go, no job, no money, no friends or family.
I've seriously considered opting out.
But I can't do that to my kids, or my dogs (2 are special needs).
My heart is utterly shattered. He looks at me with cold anger. He's mad " I brought this up nown while he's dealing with the layoff". After all, That's 16 years of his life wasted.
Like I said. . No remorse.
Btw- he's still trying to sleep with me!!
The thought makes me nauseous.