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Dadtryingtocope (original poster member #36726) posted at 3:50 PM on Monday, March 31st, 2014
Because I just like to hear myself vent. Check 13 of 60 sent today. 3 years and 11 months to go. Then free.
Here is a fine little piece she wrote me back last July. I still shake my head at it. You are sorry but yet you were somebody pretending to be someone else for all 15 years we were together? I don't get that at all. Here is the fine piece of literature I got that day:
Let me start by saying I am TRUELY SORRY for what I have done to you and our kids. I'm not sure what happened and I wish it never happened. There is not a day that goes by that I don't think about and feel bad about us. I know I hurt you and I am so sorry. If you had done what I did to you I would never forgive you so I done expect you to forgive me. I just want you to know that I did love you. You and I are just so different and I changed to be what I thought you wanted me to be. But I can tell you I was never truly myself when I was with you. I didn't think you would like the real me and I don't think you would like the real me now. We are so different. Someone can change for so long but eventually the real person comes out and the real me is not what you feel in love with...I'm so sorry I hurt you and broke your heart. I wish we could have had the happy ever after and I guess we could have if I would have tried harder to be someone I wasn't. I'm so sorry I hurt you...you didn't deserve that hurt.
I still just sit and ponder on this. I can say at the time I never saw this coming. While the appology was nice and long overdue, it seemed strange with the explanation that she pretended to be someone she was not. I use that email now as a reminder. If I ever find myself missing those days, I just read that. Why would I want to go back to a life of living with someone pretending. Basically living a lie. Weird.
BH me 47
WW her 39
DDay 8-17-12
2 kids (13, 10)
Filed for D 9/14/12
Divorced 4/17/13
She - engaged 5/13 married 9/13
norabird ( member #42092) posted at 3:58 PM on Monday, March 31st, 2014
You've been heard. I can't imagine having to write a check to the person who broke my heart.
My ex has never said it as concisely, but I think he too wore a mask when we were so happy together, hiding his real self because he knew I would never be with who he really was. It's crazy they think that's an okay way to treat another person--putting on an act, essentially defrauding us. But hey...at least we know now. It's good you are far enough down the line to have the perspective not to want to go back to the way things were.
Here's to freedom.
SBB ( member #35229) posted at 6:24 PM on Monday, March 31st, 2014
I was defrauded too. It is a mindfuck, isn't it?
How they did it, how long they did it and why they did it - all a mindfuck.
Bitch, I didn't want you to try harder to be someone you weren't. I wanted to not be married to or have kids with a fraud.
13 steps into your freedom.
I may have reached a point where I'd piss on him if he was on fire.... eventually!!
Pass ( member #38122) posted at 11:02 PM on Monday, March 31st, 2014
Yep, that's pretty messed up. I didn't get to see The Princess as she actually was until we were married. By that time she already had the mechanisms installed to work with my natural insecurities, and make me assume everything was my fault: If I would just learn how to do shit right, we could be happy again.
Some of us just had no idea who we were married to.
Divorced the cheater and living my best life now.
The best thing about hitting rock bottom is that everything after that looks fucking fabulous.
ButterflyGirl ( member #38377) posted at 11:11 PM on Monday, March 31st, 2014
That's a garbage lame excuse for infidelity if you ask me.
You don't have to remind yourself she was "pretending." You need to remind yourself SHE REALLY WAS a lying cheat.
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