SurvivingInfidelity.com^®

Phoenix, wish I could unload some of those bricks for you. You have been through so much and had to endure too much for one person.

I hope things work themselves out like they invariably do, but please know we are here for you, always.

Keep posting and hopefully we can be of some help.

Send you big hugs.

xxxx

It is boiling down to "doing what is morally right vs. doing the right thing." May seem like semantics, but there IS a difference, and I am smack dab in the middle on a couple of different fronts, with the ultimate decisions resting solely with me.

So how are you trying to reconcile the difference and make your decision phoenix? I completely get the difference. Its a distinction that is important "IF" the Moral right is of personal value to you.

It is boiling down to "doing what is morally right vs. doing the right thing." May seem like semantics, but there IS a difference, and I am smack dab in the middle on a couple of different fronts, with the ultimate decisions resting solely with me.

You have shown amazing debth and integrity through out the most trying time I can imagine. I have no doubt you will make the best possible choice in the circumstances.

Recently I had a similar quandry (much lesser scale than yours) when I thought of one option, i felt as though I was lighter. When I considered the other option, I felt like I was still mired down with worry. The choice became obvious. Neither was wholly right or wrong...one had the moral high ground and the other was the correct choice. I took the lighter path. I am content with that decision.

So how are you trying to reconcile the difference and make your decision phoenix? I completely get the difference. Its a distinction that is important "IF" the Moral right is of personal value to you

The "moral right" is of extreme personal value, but so is practicality in terms of acting on what I perceive to be the right decision. Hence my dilemma and the reason the ultimate decision(s) is weighing so heavily on me. Both sides are equally justifiable, and have equally important pros and cons. I could sleep well at night acting either way, just as failing to act in either way will bother me immensely.

I am glad I have family support for either direction, and they tell me not to feel guilty about taking a practical approach (which is the path I am taking), but it is still difficult because I do value both decisions so strongly.

I am so sorry things are still holding you down.

I wish we each could take one of those bricks off of you, to lighten your load.

I don't have words of wisdom for you on making your decisions. But I do know that whichever ones you make they will be the right ones for you.

You have shown such amazing strength, grace and dignity thru out this, and those strengths will not abandon you now.

Sending prayers and hugs to you, for today.

(((((phoenix)))))

I am in total awe of the woman you are. I have not been very active on si as of late so basically today was the first time i have read any of your story. I am so so sorry for your losses.

The grace and dignity with which you have expressed yourself is overwhlemingly incredible. I wlil not tell you that i know how you feel because i do not, i actually do not think i can fanthom it at all. so much loss and its so much more.

onthe loss of your brother...take some solace in the memories and histroy that you have. i lost my sister a couple of months ago and we were not close, i have very few memories to call upon.

as for the loss of your son, i have no words to offer. i wish i did.

and all of your other losses, your sil, your aunt and your great aunt....

it all seems too much i would think to bear...but bear it you have. and im thinkin that your 2 beautiful dd's have something to do with that....

your poems are beautiful. your outlook is incredible. and the fact that you are already doing to honor your son and brother speaks loudly to whom you are, one incredible woman and again i am in awe of the woman you are.

and if all of that werent enough...you have from the getgo been a rock to so many...you have been the "mom" to all, and you who should be comforted were the comforter to all. and once again it bears repeating, i am in awe of the woman you are.

my heart aches for you and your dd's....and it aches just a bit more for the dd who is about to graduate, this should have been a time for nothing but celebration for her and for you. and the way this dd is handling herself and the fact that she is asking permission to "just pass" speaks quite loudly to her depth of character...but look who she has for a mom.

sending prayers your way, may god help you in the decision you are trying to make i have every faith that whatever path you choose it will be right for you for the time in which it needs to be made.

i am as black and white as they come, so for me, i do not get the difference between morally right and doing the right thing....to me doing the right thing is always morally right. and always i look to the future whenever i need to make a heavy weight decision that will change it especially if it will change it for others like my kids....and i look ahead a year and i look ahead 5 years and i play out each scenario, all the possible consequences that i could think of (i admit there are always consequences i cannot see)....and that is where i make my decision..the path of least regret...

we cannot always make decisions that have no regret, but we can always make decisions that will be the least regret.

(((((phoenix))))

Forgot to mention that today was funeral for bro and SIL in home state. Unfortunately, well-meaning friends and relatives have been contacting me about it all day. Their intentions are good, but all it is doing is ripping the scab off a still fresh emotional wound. May be contributing to my current emotional state that is making the most basic decisions very difficult...

I'm so sorry. I hope that even if it's one by one, that those bricks begin to be lifted off of you. It's wonderful to hear you have the blessing of your family no matter the decision. That's one less thing to worry about.

((Phoenix))

I'm so proud of you and your daughters.

((((Phoenix1)))) keeping you in my thought and prayers. I hope someday soon the weight will get a little lighter.

(((Phoenix1))) thinking of you

(((Phoenix1)))

I can't tell you how many times I think of you and wish you strength for all the decisions you're being asked to make, for so many tragic reasons. I love the vision of you riding the motorcycle with your DS's helmet, and finding that connection there. Much love to you.

(((phoenix))) thinking about you

(((Phoenix)))

Thinking of you.

Sending prayers and hugs to you, for today.

Thinking of you today.

Hi Phoenix- still here for you and hoping you are having a better day. (((Hugs)))

(((Phoenix)))

(((((Phoenix)))))

Sending you positive vibes and energy for making it through another day.

Thank you everyone.

Just trying to get through each day. Bro and SIL's ashes were put in a biodegradable urn in the shape of a sea turtle and placed in the ocean in one of bro's favorite fishing spots. Very appropriate given his love of fishing and the fact that his entire career involved the ocean.

Still dealing with DS issues. Waiting for his personal effects to be shipped home by the Army. Trying to finalize estate issues. Some negative interactions/issues with his fiancé. Etc.

I have two folded flags for DS in my possession, and the Army provided one flag case. That case will also hold his medals and ribbons. Because we have two flags (one was placed over him as we carried him off the mountain and the other came from the casket at the funeral), we ordered a second flag case that just came in (identical to the first). I told the ex I wanted to have both flags in the same display case set up with the same ribbons, medals, etc. so that, ultimately, each of the DDs will have one in the future. Until then, ex and I will each have one and that will create one less argument as to who it goes to (I wouldn't have cared, but ex would have made an issue out of it). My only goal with all this was to have each DD have one. I told them about this plan and they were very pleased. For some reason, the flag that was draped on him on the mountain is the one I want, not the casket flag. Haven't thought any deeper into why I feel that way, but I do. Doesn't really matter when you think about it, really.

All the flags, cases, funeral stuff, paperwork, etc. has been sitting on my dining room table for the past month and every night when I came home it would be staring me in the face. I finally got the energy this past weekend to move everything into DS's bedroom until it can be dealt with. At least I am not staring at it each night, awash with fresh sadness.

Unfortunately, because I have dealt with estates in the past I am familiar with the monstrous task of dealing with all the myriad of issues that comes with someone's death. For those that have never had to deal with it, I hope you never have to. The amount of work involved with death is truly mindboggling, even with the simplest of estates.

And so I continue, day by day, hour by hour, just trying to cope with the losses.

((((Phoenix)))) Continuing to send you strength and comfort, honey.