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Sending strength dear (((Phoenix)))

((((Phoenix))))

Sending strength and hugs.

(((Phoenix1)))

Phoenix I check this thread everyday to see how you are doing. My thoughts and prayers are with you and your DDs.

I just wanted to say that you have shown us so much strength and grace through all of this. You were thrown into the depths of Hell but like a true Phoenix you have and are continuing to rise through the ashes. It may not seem like it but you will rise through to the sunlight. You have your family and you have us gently pushing and supporting you the whole way.

For some reason, the flag that was draped on him on the mountain is the one I want.

IMHO you want this flag because it touched your baby, just like the baby blanket you tucked him in at night.

((((Take care dear Phoenix))))

I am so sorry for your losses. Sending good thoughts to you and your family

((((Phoenix)))))

Just keep putting one foot in front of the other, and before you know it, a week, a month, a year will have gone by, the pain won't be so fresh, and so raw. Your to do list won't be so long.

Things will get better. No one should have to live through the loss of a child, but now you know it won't make the world stop, you will get through this just like you have survived everything up to this point.

((((and strength))))

IMHO you want this flag because it touched your baby, just like the baby blanket you tucked him in at night

^^this. It really doesn't matter why you want this flag, you just do. And that, my dear, is perfectly OK. You don't need to justify/explain your feelings to anyone. YOU ARE THE MOM!!!

I can't imagine the paperwork involved, but you will get to it when you get to it. This is still so fresh, give yourself some time. If something HAS to be done, well then, you tackle just that one thing. Before you know it the pile will be gone.

I so, so wish there is something we could do for you, something to help ease your burden. Sadly I do not know what that might be.

Sending you prayers and hugs for today.

Phoenix,

Just thinking of you and hoping your taking care of yourself as best you can.

Just received the results of the coroner's toxicology report for DS. Absolutely nothing found in his system. No alcohol, no drugs, nothing. That, in itself, answers or changes nothing. What it does tell me is that he had psychological demons plaguing him that drove him to such a desperate act. We believe part of it was PTSD from his deployment to Afghanistan and the horrific events he was involved in there, and the trauma of losing his beloved uncle in the mudslide triggered it. That, and some other sources of immense stress we are aware of, all culminated in his apparent belief there was no other answer.

We will never know for sure what he was really thinking or feeling, and all we can do is speculate. I don't agonize over not knowing because it won't bring him back, but I am saddened that as much as I encouraged him to talk to someone on base for the PTSD (I saw red flags) being triggered by the mudslide event he wouldn't do it. All he would tell me is, "I really appreciate your concern, mom, and I love you for it, but I am okay." Clearly, he was not okay.

Such a waste of a truly wonderful human being. He would have done amazing things in his life and it saddens me that I will never get to see it.

A little melancholy today, brought on by the coroner's phone call...

(((Phoenix)))

((((Phoenix))))

I'm so sorry how much this all hurts.

((((Phoenix))))

((((Phoenix))))

sending a hug for you today, Phoenix. Breathe and let our love flow through you.

((((Phoenix))))

(((hugs)))

(((Phoenix)))

(((((Phoenix))))) can you feel the hug?

((((((Phoenix)))))))

(((Phoenix1)))

I am so sorry Phoenix1.

(((((Phoenix1)))))

I'm sorry for your tragic loss