SurvivingInfidelity.com^®

I'm glad it worked out and she signed.

Now go celebrate with your lawyer, her former lawyer and your kids.

Post pics of the tv and recliner when you get them.

Welcome to your new beginning AD, free from the crazy train wreck.

How are you doing?

K

How are you doing?

Thank you--today, not so well, actually. Constant conversations in my head with XW, retreading old ground. I guess I'm reacting to the finality of it all. Indifference is going to take a long long time.

(BTW, I wasn't being an asshole; I just couldn't take the kids on those days--but I am through feeling I have to explain myself.)

While i wholeheartly agree with this statement, might I suggest a change in wording when you are not able to accept the first right of refussal from her. Simply:

"I am unable to exercise my first first right of refusal for this day and time."

just saying "No thank you" really does come off as more of a refusal then an actual 'I would love to but can't accept it."

Then, crickets to every question of "Why not, what are you doing, how come". I realize that the statement will open the door for her to ask, but the statement is not a question, it is a complete sentance without a question mark. You don't have to explain yourself but at the same time, you need to protect yourself from any future issues she may bring you to court for (ie, refusing to see the kids)

Constant conversations in my head with XW, retreading old ground. I guess I'm reacting to the finality of it all. Indifference is going to take a long long time.

^^^This is normal. What I think you will find is you won't be rolling it around in your head very long this time. Expect bouts of this for a while. It's like you have been in defense mode and high alert for so long it takes a bit to let your guard down. You were in defense mode for so long you likely skipped a few emotions and now they will be able to come to the surface. For me it was a ton of anger. I had held in my anger during the in-house S and couldn't believe how pissed I was once she actually moved out. It was easier to process though because it was truly over. I just had to get it out.

Congrats Abbondad, I am truly relieved and happy for you.

I remember how you were when this long journey began, and the many times we "yelled" at you to stand up to your now CXW - you have come so far! While the outcome is certainly not what you ever wished for or envisioned at the beginning, I think it is the best you could have hoped for. All the best at the start of the next chapter of your life! You done good! (sic)

I am happy for you, now you can really begin to heal.

I know it will hurt for a while, I think that is normal. Actually it is probably a positive sign of who you are. If you did not hurt you would not be human.

I had a moment yesterday, actually an anxiety attack while driving. I got a sudden flash in my head of who stbxwh used to be and the pain was so intense, it stayed with me all night.

This morning I woke up to a few email from "him". Apparently he was "missing" me too. "you are a slut", "whore", in this crazy, twisted world it made me feel better. I sat there and remembered, "oh yeah, that is who you really are. You I do not miss. I do not miss the real you".

Her craziness will help you to detach. The more you are exposed to "normal" the more you will be able to not hurt for her.

Big hugs to you and congratulations.

Just remember AD - YOU did more than everything you could to allow her to get her head out of her twat. YOU did everything to ensure that your wonderful kiddos had at least one strong stable parent to care for them.

YOU did everything you could to make D as smooth and easy as possible.

Your CXW threw all that away because she is too sick, messed up, self involved to even see the gifts you gave her.

Be happy that now the only time you have to deal with her is about the kids. Everything else can go away. You will come to a level of acceptance of all of this, an dknow hat you did have a good M for some years, but then she threw it away, don't let that taint your memories of the things you enjoyed. Accept it for what it was, and move on.

The serenity prayer may be your mantra for a bit longer, as you learn to finally accept the outcomes of her actions.

((((and strength))))

ps do something really nice for you.