SurvivingInfidelity.com^®

I'm going to t/j slightly.

I was upset that I lived up to my vows and couldn't marry again in the church because he abandoned me.

I spoke to a priest about it. He assured me that because the D was because of unrepentant adultery, that I could marry again in a church.

I haven't looked up anything in writing, but I would think the priest that advised me would know what he was talking about.

Not that getting M in a church is essential to me, but it is validating, so hope he wasn't wrong.

OK, here is the truth of Catholic annulment:

Catholics believe that matrimony is a sacrament, like baptism. In the same way that you cannot be "un-baptised", you cannot be "un-married". Once it's done, it's done.

However- the Catholic Church has a number of requirements for the sacrament(s) to be considered valid- i.e. form (how the sacrament is administered), etc. For example, you cannot receive the Sacrament of Reconciliation (Confession) until you have reached the age of reason.

There are several requirements for the Sacrament of Matrimony, including age, ability to consent freely, intention to be open to children, intention to remain faithful, ability to understand the duties and responsibilities of marriage, etc.

When the Church grants an a annulment, they are NOT saying that the marriage never took place, or that the children are illegitimate. They are saying that the marriage did not rise to the level of a Sacrament, and that the Sacrament (NOT the marriage) is declared null- or invalid.

An annulment inquiry does not take into account what happened after the wedding day- in other words, if you married with the intention of remaining faithful and then 15 years later had an affair- that does not automatically mean an annulment. The Tribunal is only concerned with the state of mind and intentions of the couple on the day the Sacrament was administered (the wedding day). Because the Sacrament itself is what is in question, not what happened after that. However, if a couple gets married, and on the wedding day one of them is actively involved in a sexual relationship with another person- that is evidence of a lack of intention to remain faithful within the marriage and constitutes an impediment to the Sacrament.

The Catholic Church believes that any person is able to enter in to a Sacramental marriage, even if they are not married in the Church, or indeed, even if they are not Catholic. Any baptized person is considered to have a Sacramental marriage unless proven otherwise. That is why the Church requires non-Catholics to go through the annulment process in order to be married in the Catholic Church.

Marrying after a civil divorce and without a Declaration of Nullity is considered adultery, which is a mortal sin. When you are granted an annulment you are free to receive the Sacrament of Matrimony because it has been determined that you have not received it previously. Just like with baptism, you cannot be "re-baptized"- and you cannot be "re-married". You can't receive a Sacrament twice.

There is A LOT of misinformation floating around about what an annulment is and what it isn't, the reasons why they are granted or denied, and what the rules are for marrying again in the Church. Please check with the diocesan Tribunal office in your area for the accurate answers. Not all priests know the finer points of canon law.

As for Pope Francis, he is not saying anything that is particularly new or different- he is just saying it in a new way:

Civil divorce is NOT a sin in the Catholic Church, and it never was. Divorced Catholics are still considered Sacramentally married until the previous marriage is annulled. They may receive communion as long as they are not in a sexual relationship with another person or remarried without an annulment. (Both of those things would be considered adultery against the first marriage until an annulment is granted). Catholics are welcome to receive Communion as long as they are not in a state of mortal sin (adultery is a mortal sin).

So... divorced, un-annulled Catholics who are not sleeping with anyone else or remarried to anyone else are considered in good standing with the Church and can receive other Sacraments (Communion is a Sacrament).

Un-annulled Catholics who are re-married will never be openly allowed to receive Communion or other Sacraments because they would be considered in a state of mortal sin, and Catholic law says that receiving Communion in a state of mortal sin is another mortal sin. Priests are within their rights as guardians of the faithful to refuse Communion to a person in a known state of current mortal sin. They cannot knowingly allow someone to commit a sin that could cause them to go to hell.

The Church would have to change the rule about receiving Communion in a state of mortal sin, which they will not do.

And yes, I have received an annulment of my previous marriage. The process was not intrusive or insensitive, but it was not easy. Any questions?

[This message edited by Eranda at 10:08 AM, April 27th (Sunday)]

Erranda, well written. This mirrors my experience and what I was also advised.

Eranda, that is exactly how was explained to my by the priest. Thank you for taking the time to put it down for all of us to understand.

But the pope is saying something different. He told that woman, who was remarried to a man who never got an annulment from his previous marriage, thus committing adultery, that she could attend communion.

I will have to look into that about Pope Francis' statement. It's my understanding that the Church considers anyone who has been married to be committing adultery if they have a relationship without an annulment even if they have obtained a civil divorce. That's actually one of the reasons I petitioned for my annulment right after the civil divorce was final- so that it was taken care of before I ever started dating.

Church law states that it is a mortal sin to take Communion if you are already in a state of mortal sin- and that applies to ALL mortal sin- so I'm not sure how he could have meant that it's now OK to receive Communion while committing adultery...?

I'll do some digging and see what I find out.

OK I found a good explanation for divorced Catholics and Communion:

May a person who is divorced but not remarried receive Communion?

Answer

While Church teaching recognizes the seriousness of divorce, it understands that:

1. There are situations in which civil divorce may be necessary: "If civil divorce remains the only possible way of ensuring certain legal rights, the care of the children, or the protection of inheritance, it can be tolerated and does not constitute a moral offense" (CCC 2383), and

2. Divorce may occur due to no fault of an innocent spouse:

It can happen that one of the spouses is the innocent victim of a divorce decreed by civil law; this spouse therefore has not contravened the moral law. There is a considerable difference between a spouse who has sincerely tried to be faithful to the sacrament of marriage and is unjustly abandoned, and one who through his own grave fault destroys a canonically valid marriage. (CCC 2386)

In such cases, divorce is not sinful for that person and he or she may continue to receive Communion. However, in other cases—as with all serious sin—a divorced person should go to confession immediately, prior to receiving Communion. If a divorced person later remarries invalidly he or she would then be prohibited from receiving Communion as long as that situation persists or until he or she has gone to confession and committed to living chastely. The Catechism explains:

Today there are numerous Catholics in many countries who have recourse to civil divorce and contract new civil unions. In fidelity to the words of Jesus Christ—"Whoever divorces his wife and marries another, commits adultery against her; and if she divorces her husband and marries another, she commits adultery"—the Church maintains that a new union cannot be recognized as valid, if the first marriage was. If the divorced are remarried civilly, they find themselves in a situation that objectively contravenes God’s law. Consequently, they cannot receive eucharistic Communion as long as this situation persists. For the same reason, they cannot exercise certain ecclesial responsibilities. Reconciliation through the sacrament of penance can be granted only to those who have repented for having violated the sign of the covenant and of fidelity to Christ, and who are committed to living in complete continence. (

CCC 1650

I don't know what the personal situation is of the woman who claims Pope Francis told her it was OK to receive Communion if she was married to a man who did not receive an annulment of his previous marriage. Perhaps there was some detail left out that we are all unaware of, or perhaps the woman misunderstood.

The Catholic teaching on Communion and mortal sin has not changed, nor has the teaching on remarriage without annulment being a adultery and a mortal sin changed. So I believe the whole media story is misleading at best. Nothing has changed, adultery is still a mortal sin, and a person cannot receive Communion in a state of mortal sin.

Any baptized person is considered to have a Sacramental marriage unless proven otherwise.

Okay. As stated before, I am a divorced Protestant (Methodist) dating a divorced but as yet un-annulled Catholic.

I am active in my church/faith but have never been baptized.

ExWH and I married in a Methodist Church.

Does my lack of baptism then render me incapable of entering into sacramental matrimony with my ex even though we were married in a church? If so, then I wouldn't have to obtain an annulment in order to move forward with the guy I'm seeing. Obviously HE still needs an annulment though.

[This message edited by abbycadabby at 8:31 AM, April 29th (Tuesday)]

As born and raised a strict Irish Catholic (father and extended family immigrated from Ireland) I gotta say...it seems hard enough to go through civil divorce because of the devastation of what was done for us. But then to have to go through an annulment process as well? Honestly I became very at odds with the Catholic church years ago as it just seemed to me I lost any identity with it because it is so steeped in old traditions I barely understand or can relate to. I felt like I had nothing in common with it anymore. As a kid I went because that's what my parents told me to do. But it wasn't until I became an adult and started my own family did I really take notice. I know we aren't supposed to preach religion on this sight and I'm not trying to. I just read all that (very well said) and think...sigh...more crap to go through...I want a break from all this. Oh that wonderful gift that keeps on giving.

[This message edited by SeanFLA at 9:15 AM, April 29th (Tuesday)]

here's what I don't get - can you receive communion if you remain married but have committed adultery?

especially regarding this:

Catholic law says that receiving Communion in a state of mortal sin is another mortal sin.

Maybe if you have gone to confession for the adultery then you can receive communion?

http://www.catholicbasictraining.com/apologetics/coursetexts/2c.htm

Yes, If you committed adultery- remained married or not- you are considered to be in a state of mortal sin unless and until you make a full and sincere confession and stop the behavior.

For Catholics, the forgiveness of Confession removes the "eternal" punishment of hell, but does not remove the "temporal" punishment of purgatory. In other words- you won't go to hell, but you don't get off scot-free. You still have to pay for your sins.

Abby- if you are not baptized, I don't think you are required to obtain an annulment. I *believe* (but don't quote me on this 100%) that only baptized Christians can contract a Sacramental marriage. Even if I'm wrong, I believe being unbaptized might be an error in form- meaning it would invalidate the previous marriage. Not totally sure, though, so check with your local Tribunal.

Sean- the annulment process isn't meant to be a hoop to jump through, or to make people suffer more. It's meant to provide people with a opportunity to have the Sacramental marriage they missed out on the first time, IF they so choose. As a Catholic with an Declaration of Nullity, I don't *have* to get married in the Church again, but I can if I want to.

To me... there are a lot of rules because there are a lot of circumstances in life that need to be addressed in a well-rounded, cohesive manner- same as in any theology.

Abby- if you are not baptized, I don't think you are required to obtain an annulment. I *believe* (but don't quote me on this 100%) that only baptized Christians can contract a Sacramental marriage. Even if I'm wrong, I believe being unbaptized might be an error in form- meaning it would invalidate the previous marriage. Not totally sure, though, so check with your local Tribunal.

Thanks, I'll check into it. I would still need to be baptized if I move forward with new guy in order for our marriage to be blessed by the Church though.