SurvivingInfidelity.com^®

I am sorry you are going through this.

This is what I fear about letting my WW back in, even though right now she is still in the fog and doesn't show a keen interest in coming back.

Hang in there Mel, you'll be alright.

Oh man that totally sucks!

At this point, it's still not a clear cut outcome but the thing you need to be focussing on is YOU. You do you now. He may come back, he may not. You may not want him if he does.

Are you seeing an IC? You should. You will need this support.

Hugs.

I am so sorry. I know it doesn't seem like it, but his decision to run to her is a gift. Instead of wondering if he is sincere, you know he isn't. Instead of wondering if he will make the effort to stay and R, you know he won't. He is showing you who he is and now you can believe him. You know you deserve more, and now you can go after it.

While it is incredible how selfish and broken they are, and the pain of discovering that they will betray us even after tearfully promising to change is difficult to bear, it is so much better to know the truth. It really will set you free if you allow it to.

((((& strength))))

So,,he has been out of the house for 3 weeks, has moved into OW house,,playing house. This weekend he is in WV seeing her mother and the rest of her family.. WTF??? I am so baffled by all of this,,I cry less but OMG, I am in such pain and lonley. I have no family here, I cant leave because of financial reasons. I just am at a loss. Having a very bad day. My MIL has told her son to make himself happy....I told her you have just justified what he has done to his family. She said who is she to judge,,here and her husband did the same thing to each other..I am in a no win situation. i feel like I am on an Island ,by myself with no rescue in sight. I have written up an agreement for the two of us, he agrees to it so nothing is changed at this point for insurance, benefits, etc,,financial changes and budgets have been laid out, we just need to final approve them ,. He has himself paying most/all of the bills of where I am living in our home. I am responsible for my own bills,gas,,food,etc..I JUST CANT EFFING BELIEVE THIS IS HAPPENING?? Sorry ,just need to vent,,cant do this with my kids,,

Melzee,

So sorry for you. You'll get some great advice from those who've been through this. I'm only 3 months into this nightmare. You are not alone. Hang in there. Hugs

Gut wrenching. I feel so bad about your situation. Sometimes I wonder what it would be like to have an unremorseful WS. It woud kill 100x worse. I still struggle in my situation, but at least find moments of joy and I can depend on WH if I am feeling down. My heart aches for you!! Please take care of yourself.

Please tell me you're going to a lawyer with this list to have an official document drawn up?

Usually when someone leaves, they tend to agree to just about anything and be quite generous as a way of trying to keep things from exploding. But then, as time goes on and they can't afford a pack of gum because all their money is going to the BS they deserted, things get ugly real quick and the generosity starts to dry up.

Protect yourself BEFORE this gets to an ugly place.

Seriously.

I just read through your thread and was SHOCKED when I came to your post saying he had moved out. Wow....just wow. I am so, so sorry it worked out like this. Its just awful. (((Mel)))

You are making a good decision by moving closer to your children. They can be a tremendous support to you right now. Having people around that love and care for you can make a big difference.

I know it doesn't seem like it now, but having a quick resolution can be a blessing in disguise. The boards are full of stories of false R, only to find themselves divorced years later. (I am one of those. See my tag line...) At least you can move forward and work towards your healing now, rather than years from now. I know it doesn't change the pain that your in, or make it right or fair. For that I am so sorry.

Can I add that you are not very old. I am only a few years younger, and hopefully we have 30 plus GREAT years left. You are getting yourself in great shape with the weight loss surgery and morning exercise. Take all that anger and pain and put it into making the best YOU. FUCK him!

Find yourself a great little place, make it just the way you want it. Make him pay you lots of spousal support and do something you've always wanted to do. Take classes, or travel. Be totally selfish! Spoil the grandkids. Buy a whole new wardrobe on his dime. Its amazing what a new wardrobe can do for a girl at any age . Join a book club. Make a list and start to check stuff off.

I know you don't WANT to do any of those things, because what you really want was taken from you. I struggle with that. I have many great choices and right now my life is full and I am mostly happy, even though its taken a lot of IC and hard work. But, damn it...what I really wanted, well...that wasn't an option and it sucked. And, its not fair. None of it.

Hang in there, I (we) know how hard it is and how much pain you are going through.

(Edited for a few typo's)

[This message edited by Lostly at 2:29 PM, July 20th (Sunday)]