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houseofpain (original poster member #25706) posted at 4:51 PM on Tuesday, June 17th, 2014
My WH has a history of emotional affairs and sexting/emailing multiple women. Whenever I get wind of another indiscretion, he becomes sad, remorseful and can only say that it has nothing to do with me and that he is messed up. He becomes very distraught when I bring up separation or divorce. Well, this past Sunday, I found a woman's phone number in his wallet from a bar he visited when he was out of town. I texted her. She gave me a blow by blow of everything that happened - how he told her he wasn't married (he wasn't wearing his wedding ring), he bought her a drink and tried to pick her up. She did not end up going to his room, but she said he wanted her to. So it's not just emailing and texting and emotional attachments, he is full-on picking up women when he is out of town.
I threw him out last night. He, again, is distraught and saying that he was drunk and that he is very sorry. Clearly, he has a serious problem.
Please tell me that there is no cure for this behavior. He is doing everything possible to worm his way back. I know he is sad, but he is also a liar. I know this.
D-Day: 09/19/09
D-Day2: 10/19/13
D-Day3: 7/31/15 Sex with an ugly married Craiglist whore in my home (with my son in the house) DONE!
Me: 50
WS: 46
Blended family with 5 kids
Separated
Surprises, I feel now, are primarily a form of violence.
No12turn2 ( member #40996) posted at 5:01 PM on Tuesday, June 17th, 2014
Short answer...You deserve better
Me/BS 35
WW 32
M 12 yrs 2 Girls 10 & 7
Phone/Cyber Affairs (3 D-Days)
Status: DIVORCED 4/24/2014
No one can make you feel inferior without your consent.
lynnm1947 ( member #15300) posted at 5:01 PM on Tuesday, June 17th, 2014
You got him out--GOOD FOR YOU! Now have the gumption to keep him out. Serial philanderers are not good partner material. They're always sad and sorry--sorry you found them out. I could have saved myself many years of heartache if I'd learned this after the first bimbos!
(((houseofpain))) Be strong.
Age: 64..ummmmmmm, no...............65....no...oh, hell born in 1947. You figure it out!
"I could have missed the pain, but I would have had to miss the dance." Garth Brooks
MindMonkey ( member #41679) posted at 5:22 PM on Tuesday, June 17th, 2014
Is he out of town often? He got caught this time but he seems pretty brazen. How many times has he done this and not got caught?
You kicked him out. Just grab some heafty bags and finish the job. I admire your strength.
BH, 35, CoD, Military...sober since 6/17/14
FWW, EA/PA (x2) different OM coworkers
Reconciling since 8/1/13
100% ready to file at next dealbreaker...don't test me.
Pass ( member #38122) posted at 5:30 PM on Tuesday, June 17th, 2014
Please tell me that there is no cure for this behavior. He is doing everything possible to worm his way back. I know he is sad, but he is also a liar. I know this.
Who cares if there is a cure? He has a history of getting caught, and then just doing it again. And he's sad? The best cure for that would've been to not screw around.
Good for you for turfing his arse to the curb! He deserves no more chances.
Divorced the cheater and living my best life now.
The best thing about hitting rock bottom is that everything after that looks fucking fabulous.
FrmrBH80124 ( member #42967) posted at 5:31 PM on Tuesday, June 17th, 2014
He has shown repeatedly that he won't change. You did the right thing to throw him out of the house. He has disrespected you multiple times. You and your kids deserve better.
Until he changes, it's time to move on. Good Luck!
ME - BH 45
Her - XWS 30
D - April 2010 - never looked back and good riddance.
Happily remarried!
Though much is taken, much abides; and though we are not now that strength which in old days
moved earth and heaven, that which we are,
steadfast1973 ( member #24719) posted at 5:31 PM on Tuesday, June 17th, 2014
She turned him down... How many others did not?
Can he change? Maybe, but he has to do it... And he seems to have no interest in changing.
Me- 42- BS Him- 38- WH D-day#1 5/25/09 multi EAs, likely PA, trickle truth, d-day#2 11/06/13 Prostitute Separated 1/2017
"I've seen your flag on the marble arch, our love is not a victory march, it's a cold and broken hallelujah"
theroadahead ( member #43334) posted at 9:20 PM on Tuesday, June 17th, 2014
He's clearly not trying to change. You deserve better.
Me: BW(46)
Him: WH (46)
D-Day #1 March 2002- 1 year EA then 4 month PA with co worker
D-Day #2 March 2012 - EA with different co-worker
It's funny how sometimes the people you'd take a bullet for,are the ones behind the trigger.
Random thoughts ( member #2959) posted at 9:25 PM on Tuesday, June 17th, 2014
Your kids (his too) deserve better....they are learning from both of you, how to be a dysfunctional adults and have dysfunctional relationships.
Stop it now.
Those three words are said too much and not enough.Chasing Cars-Snow Patrol.FWW
sisoon ( Moderator #31240) posted at 10:46 PM on Tuesday, June 17th, 2014
He's the only one who can change himself.
IMO, it's great that you've stopped trying to change him. This is for the best.
fBH (me) - on d-day: 66, Married 43, together 45, same sex apDDay - 12/22/2010Recover'd and R'edYou don't have to like your boundaries. You just have to set and enforce them.
needfriendshere ( member #43350) posted at 10:56 PM on Tuesday, June 17th, 2014
Wow! This really resonates with me. Your H sounds a lot like mine. I really admire you for having the strength to do what I could not do - throw him out - for his own good, whether he knows it or not.
I have promised my H that is I ever catch him again, he is out of here. And I keep my promises.
You have done the right thing. Don't let his sniveling weaken your resolve. My H can actually cry on demand. I know that sounds harsh, but, although he does it all the time now, I remember him doing it when I begged him to let me know if he was cheating about 3 years ago (halfway into his 6-year A). Don't fall for it!!
I send you hugs and wish you luck with whatever road this takes...
Me: early 50'sWH: early 50'sMarried: 23 yearsDS: 21 years oldOther DS: 18 years oldD-day: 2/14/2014H's LTA lasted 6 years, his EA's lasted during most of our M, but we are both trying hard to R.
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