SurvivingInfidelity.com^®

But is blow jobs, like, something you would be more upset than anal to have to give up if your wife didn't enjoy doing it?

No. I didn't/wouldn't get upset over not getting either.

Looking back, would not wanting to give blow jobs be a dealbreaker early on in a relationship? Is it one of those things you would really REALLY rather not have to give up if it bothers the woman too much?

I've only ever asked for a bj once. I don't think she even heard me ask and I didn't repeat myself. Something about asking for that, saying it aloud (even in a whisper) just seems silly/weird to me. Never pressured a woman for one and certainly never asked for anything sexually where I felt I was being obliged.

Are there any sexual acts that would be dealbreakers for you if we didn't want to do it?

Never. For me I cannot enjoy any act if I know she doesn't like it. If I'm with a woman who only likes to have sex once a month, once every two months, or whatever it may be, I can live with that if I know it's sincere. By that I mean if that is just what her sex drive is and she is faithful I can live with that. Would I want more? Yes, but I value love and faithfulness more. If the frequency is low because she isn't attracted to me then we don't need to be together. I hope that answers your question.

[This message edited by Brandon808 at 8:55 PM, November 13th, 2014 (Thursday)]

For me its about enjoying myself and watching my wife enjoy herself. I would not get any enjoyment out of having something done to me (BJ) if she was doing it out of obligation and clearly was not enjoying herself. Fortunately we both very much enjoy oral, so we both win. Prior to her it was always a factor in being "compatible" with my long term partners. I have not had that many but every one of them was into oral like me. If for some reason she decided she was never going to do it again it would not be a deal breaker but we may have to get creative in fining alternatives.

For a little follow up I think it has been a deal breaker very early in my other relationships. I didn't hold it against anyone it was just something I was looking for as part of the complete package. I know that sounds shallow but it was not like "you don't do oral so I'm breaking up with you". I'm sure if I found Mrs Right and she did not do oral I might find a way to make it work

I think the deal breaker could be if they just plain didn't want you ever! As had no interest on working on the issue. I'd be dissapointed if my WH wouldnt give me oral but it wouldn't be a deal breaker. But if he never wanted any sexual intimacy at all!.... Maybe, I think I marriage could go down hill fast

[This message edited by Tina73 at 9:29 AM, November 14th (Friday)]

Looking back, would not wanting to give blow jobs be a dealbreaker early on in a relationship?

I think I'm in the minority, but I don't really like them all that much to begin with. Either way, I don't expect someone I'm with to perform certain sex acts on my. I'm not that entitled. That said, I do think it's fair to expect sex to be a part of your relationship with your spouse or significant other. If a woman isn't comfortable with oral, anal, Smurfs roleplaying, or whatever, there are always plenty of other ways to make it enjoyable.

Smurfs role playing?? I love how I learn something new here every time I come.

The only way I would be upset is if there is a drastic change in frequency. If something was frequent in the beginning and stoped later on I would consider it false advertising.

Do you like the way your wife/SO dresses? Do you wish she would dress differently?

Sometime, and yes. I would like her to wear more revealing stuff around the house and when we’re alone… but then I’m somewhat of a visual creature. I mentioned it to her once or twice, but nothing ever came of it, so I dropped it. Plus her idea of revealing and sexy seems to be a lot different than mine.

Does your wife/SO clean up behind u? Does she make a fuss or not? Or do u end up cleang it up?

She used to fuss if she had to clean up behind me. Nagging makes me feel like I’m under attack and de-valued. Is that how you want your spouse to feel?

Looking back, would not wanting to give blow jobs be a dealbreaker early on in a relationship? Is it one of those things you would really REALLY rather not have to give up if it bothers the woman too much?

Are there any sexual acts that would be dealbreakers for you if we didn't want to do it?

This is a loaded question. It wasn’t for me when I dated my WW. What a guy really wants more than any sexual act specifically is enthusiasm. He wants you to want him. If it feels stagnant, yes he might request something to spice it up. Do I personally enjoy getting one? Oh yeah! If I D, and end up dating someone who won’t do it, would I still see her? Yes, but I wouldn’t look for life commitment with someone who doesn’t enjoy that again. I had a taste of that with WW, and went without a BJ for 6+ years. She didn’t have any problems giving them to AP…. So now I’m stuck trying to address the inequity of that. I guess it’s one more part of the shit sandwich.

let's say you're married to a 7. Why then look at a 5?

let's say you're married to a 7. Why then look at a 5?

5, 7, 10...all in the eye of the beholder. If we're talking about your H and this happened several years past D Day, then I think the answer is one or a combination of (1) poor boundaries; (2) not learning the right lessons from past mistakes; and (3) craving attention and ego kibbles. All of these might apply regardless of anyone's opinion of this woman's looks.

I have noticed that DH tends to distinctly look away from an overtly beautiful or over-sexualized woman (at least when I'm with him ).

So I wonder if some men may look at a "5" because it won't offend their wives as much? Or maybe their wives won't even notice her and therefor won't notice their husband notice her?

hubby takes a quick glance at anything over a 7. But he doesn't stare like he used to. However if he thinks I'm a 10 (his words) then just why?

Do you mean just look?

My husband has always compared it to a bad car wreck, (when comparing it to someone's breasts hanging out or something) it might be ugly and horrific, but you at least glance anyway!

let's say you're married to a 7. Why then look at a 5?

Some women tend to take offense to guys looking at another woman, and really it's not anything we mentally decide to do. It's like a dog going "squirrel!!!" I.e. no thought process whatsoever.

Edited: IF it's the quick look. Staring or oogling becomes at some point deliberate. Can't really give a number of seconds, I'm guessing that depends on the guy and who/what he's looking at , but the squirrel thing is spot on. If you don't believe me, hang out in a mall shopping center and watch. You'll be surprised.

[This message edited by Notthevictem at 12:49 PM, November 14th (Friday)]

hubby takes a quick glance at anything over a 7. But he doesn't stare like he used to. However if he thinks I'm a 10 (his words) then just why?

I might not have understood your first post on the subject, I was thinking it was along the lines of staring, ogling, flirting, that kind of thing.

If it's just a "quick glance", then guilty as charged. I'm certainly not one to judge your hubby on anything like that.

yet I don't do the quick glance on men. They're all the same to me. And if this visual thing some men do has to do with mating, it's really not conducive to recovering from infidelity.

It's like a dog going "squirrel!!!

I think someone has seen the movie "Up."

Thanks for the BJ answers menz. I guess in my head, I thought that was something pretty much every guy wanted and that it would be more important to y'all.. That's awesome that your wives' feelings are more important than "how" the sex is performed. Some of us BW's have never had a guy like that.

But I totally understand the enthusiasm thing! Maybe you guys just do that more naturally, so we don't notice it as much.

And for the womenz, I'm down with BJs, but that doesn't mean I'm down with him gagging me or choking me or grabbing my head and disrespecting me.. I'm down with kissing him all over, including there, doing whatever *I* want to it, then moving the show along.

I really hope this gives some reassurance to the thread YOP bumped this for. REALLY, there are guys out there that are cool with you not liking certain sexual acts, so tell your WH to shove it!

[This message edited by ButterflyGirl at 12:56 PM, November 14th (Friday)]

The only way I would be upset is if there is a drastic change in frequency. If something was frequent in the beginning and stopped later on I would consider it false advertising.

YEP, story of my life. Just don't understand it.

yet I don't do the quick glance on men. They're all the same to me. And if this visual thing some men do has to do with mating, it's really not conducive to recovering from infidelity.

Not sure what you're asking. If you're uncomfortable with him doing it, ask him to stop. Just understand that what you're asking him to do is extremely difficult... It would be like learning to breath in for exactly 3 seconds every time... trying to change something that is an inherit natural reflex. Doable with a lot of discipline effort and practice, but I would think there might be other items that you might get more mileage asking of him.

yet I don't do the quick glance on men. They're all the same to me. And if this visual thing some men do has to do with mating, it's really not conducive to recovering from infidelity.

Men are visual, and tend to find women pleasing on the eyes - some more than others, depending on one's subjective tastes. I don't think it has anything to do with a man's tendency to cheat or not cheat. However, if you are recovering from infidelity, he should go out of his way not to do things that make you feel uncomfortable.

Just curious, but how are you detecting his "quick glances" at other women? I give at least a quick glance towards anyone I encounter, man or woman. I think we all do - that's how we identify potential threats, whether someone is a friend or a stranger, etc. What exactly are you picking up from your husband that causes you concern?