SurvivingInfidelity.com^®

Just to be clear - I don't usually call between dates 1 and 2 because I like to get to know someone face-to-face to get the body language, facial expressions, etc.

Since I want a relationship of equals, and explain that early on date 1, if she calls me I have no problem with it.

I forgot since I haven't dated a new woman in 10 years, but I usually call briefly pre-date to confirm that we're still on. Stuff comes up, y'know?

That goes something like this:

This is Devotedman's automated date confirming system. If you are still on for SATURDAY, DECEMBER 27, 2014 please press 1. If you are cancelling for SATURDAY, DECEMBER 27, 2014 please press 2. If you are rescheduling SATURDAY, DECEMBER 27, 2014 then please press 3.

(Dammit, that date. This Sat. is the next swinger's party that xWGF is attending w/OM, OMW. That triggers.)

I'm late to this one, but:

But could my body really be the only one he thinks about?

Depending upon the man, yes. While I could realize that other people were esthetically attractive I never fantasized about anyone else while with her.

My fantasies revolved around things like outside (private) trysts, doing romantic activities, doing my best to seduce her (culminated later at home) with charm and innuendo during a dinner date, etc.

Man this thread was hard to find.

There is a thread in reconciliation about a bh who is upset that his wife fakes orgasms even after he has asked her not to.

People have posted their opinions and experiences.

I personally, have never faked an orgasm. It doesn't make any sense to me. I consider sex an intimate interaction and lying about anything regarding the intimacy of your relationship as wrong.

But I also feel that if you do fake them occasionally, and your man knows and is cool with it, then there isn't an issue with doing it.

Maybe this has been asked before, but I missed if it was. So a few questions.

1. What is your opinion on women faking orgasms?

2. Are you comfortable with your woman faking them? All the time? Only occasionally?

3. Would you consider it deceptive if your woman faked it? And would you be hurt by it?

4. If you wouldn't want your woman to fake them, why not?

Thanks for sharing your opinions.

1. What is your opinion on women faking orgasms?

Why would a partner do that? So, no, never would I want a woman to fake it. Sometimes a person has one, sometimes not. I'm the same way. I don't fake them.

2. Are you comfortable with your woman faking them? All the time? Only occasionally?

No, never. It also doesn't affect my manhood or virility if a woman sometimes doesn't have an orgasm. Sometimes people get caught up in their thoughts, or tired, or the NyQuil kicks in, or the dog barks at the wrong second...

3. Would you consider it deceptive if your woman faked it? And would you be hurt by it?

Yes, it would be deceptive. I wouldn't be hurt unless she did it after we had talked and I had asked her not to.

4. If you wouldn't want your woman to fake them, why not?

Why would I? It is sort of deceitful, kind of silly, and just plain unnecessary. If you don't have deception in a relationship then why should your sex lives allow deception?

1. What is your opinion on women faking orgasms?

It's dishonest. It's a lie. It ultimately doesn't benefit either party.

2. Are you comfortable with your woman faking them? All the time? Only occasionally?

Nope, I prefer honesty.

3. Would you consider it deceptive if your woman faked it? And would you be hurt by it?

Yes and yes.

4. If you wouldn't want your woman to fake them, why not?

It's sort of like being the kid who gets a trophy for being on the soccer team, but the kid knows as well as everyone else that they just sit and play with the grass. It's patronizing and, once again, dishonest.

The deception of 'faking it' doesn't sound like it does anybody much good.

After all, isn't deception pretty much the reason we've all ended up here in the first place?

If it means the difference between a flaccid or hard dick, do you still have a problem with faking, menz? Or, would you prefer to take a pill? *shrug*

If faking an orgasm means my FWH doesn't have to take a little blue pill at $30.00 to $50.00 a pop, I don't have a problem doing a little faking. (Not to mention all the side effects of said pills.)

I am not going to be made out to be a liar, or told I have "wayward" thinking because sometimes (just sometimes) a little acting goes a long way and improves our sex life. I don't and won't feel guilty about this.

I do believe that there are gray areas for some situations and everything isn't simply black and white.

[This message edited by SisterMilkshake at 11:54 PM, January 9th (Friday)]

To the best of my knowledge, Sistermilkshake, none of the Menz likely to answer here is you SO. I am open to correction on that.

We were asked for our answers to the questions set by BtrayedWife. We are replying to them.

To be blunt, what you and your husband do or do not find acceptable in terms of faking is your own business. Nobody on this thread said Word One to you about how you should feel guilty or accused you of wayward thinking for what is seemingly something you and your H are cool with doing. You're the one who brought yourself into it. Nobody asked you to apologize for anything.

So, in the nicest way possible, you probably want to lose the attitude, switch off the projector and pretty much chill out there for yourself, okay?

BetraydWife

1. What is your opinion on women faking orgasms?

2. Are you comfortable with your woman faking them? All the time? Only occasionally?

3. Would you consider it deceptive if your woman faked it? And would you be hurt by it?

4. If you wouldn't want your woman to fake them, why not?

1: I am, personally, not a fan. My wife has faked them a few times, and I could tell when she did. She wasn't as good at it yet, and didn't use the kegal control that a truly good faked orgasm would entail... She just bucked and made some noise. it was about the fakest, hollywood orgasm ever. I was like, "really, now? Come on..."

I find that when they fake an orgasm, it's like they are saying they're done, and want the sex to be done too. Which makes me think i am doing it badly, which is a bit of a hit to the ego. I like to think I'm pretty okay at what I do (I'm no professional, but I know my way around the anatomy) and to have it implied that one had to be faked, well... I'd rather it just not happen, TBH.

2: I would rather she didn't, all things cnsidered, but if she wantes to, and if it makes her feel better about things, or even if she is doing it out of a desire to feel better, in the end, well... it's her pleasure,in her hands. She can either let me know what i need to do differently, or she can brush it away. I can't force her to communicate.

3: I would consider it a form of deception, yes. I would rather her fake an orgasm with me, though, than attempt to get one from someone else. The fact that she cared enough for me to put out the effort would be heartening, but the fact that she decided to deceive me, yet again, would be depressing.

4: I would rather that she tell me how to make her not have to fake it, than for her to feel that she has to settle for something that is not satisfying to her. Mine is pretty much guaranteed, really... hers is the one that requires the effort, and if I am present and willing to put in that effort, I'd rather not be rejected.

So, in the nicest way possible, you probably want to lose the attitude, switch off the projector and pretty much chill out there for yourself, okay?

Maybe you can you use your own advice.

BtraydWife was giving me a hard time in the "other thread" and then decided to ask the Menz what your opinions are. Like that would make what she is saying to me more legitimate, maybe? Or to try to prove her point by asking the Menz? Not sure.

So, I added a question to what BtraydWife was asking. Why wouldn't the Menz be open to answering my question?

To be blunt, what you and your husband do or do not find acceptable in terms of faking is your own business.

Exactly. Doesn't mean one has wayward thinking if this works for us or that our intimacy is inauthentic. There are gray areas, people.

[This message edited by SisterMilkshake at 5:20 AM, January 10th (Saturday)]

SMS,

There isn't any reason to be so defensive. The men here are answering questions (and some extremely personal ones at that) out of their own generosity. They should be met with gratitude and respect.

Thank you.

I would prefer that she doesn't fake it. I think she does at times to hurry things along. Im not good at telling a fake from real from her so I am not sure how often she does. If she wants to hurry things along I would prefer she talk dirty to me and tell me what she wants me to feel not fake what she is feeling.

I have to say this is funny and I've only gotten to page 2. This however about made me spit out my coffee.

I am so sorry SI staff. Sorry to the Menz, too.

Most likely they felt one sentence was directed at them (Menz) but it wasn't. I didn't make that clear and I am sorry to the Menz for the misunderstanding. (I also feel I explained where I was coming from in my second post.)

However, I don't feel I was defensive until I was told I had an attitude, was projecting (?) and to chill. Then I got defensive as I don't feel I was any of those things. Felt that was a tad disrespectful to me for the poster to tell me to "chill". I also was told the Menz weren't going to answer my question most likely.

Of course I am grateful and appreciate that they take the time to answer questions. Especially very personal ones. However, my question isn't going to be answered (according to one Menz) so..........thanks?

((((SMS))))

TickingTok

What do you consider "vanilla sex"?

Vanilla is a term mostly used in the kink communities to denote sex that does not fall under the "kinky" category. For example, my wife and I might have missionary, cowgirl, reverse cowgirl, standing, or doggy style sex, and it's all vanilla. It's just sex in whatever position is most comfortable or fulfilling at the time.

Hoever, if we pull out the blindfolds, the toys, spreader bars, rope, wrist or ankle cuffs, chains, flogger or whatever, that adds an element to the sex that wasn't there before. I was once 99% vanilla, and my wife had a flair for the kink; she wanted a dom/master in the bedroom that she could sub/slave for, in that setting. She found pleasure in the bond age and impact play (leather floggers, belts, etcetera), and that to her was the non-violent part. All the actual sex was vanilla to her. For me, I consider any sex that is preceded or enhanced by kinky actions or role play to not be vanilla, for example rope or leather bondage. If I have my wife tied up or clipped to rings in the ceiling, that isn't vanilla.

If we're laying In bed watching a movie and we're both feeling randy and we just roll into each other's arms, or if we both need sleep and it is a good way to knock each other out, that is vanilla sex.

SisterMilkShake

I don't think that you were being told your question wouldn't be answered, it think it was more that it was asked in a phrasing that made it very specifically about your experiences and situation, and since none of us present have been in that situation with you, we're less likely to be able to appropriately answer said question. What made it feel like that to me was the bit about you not being made to feel Wayward for faking an orgasm. None of us here have made that distinction about you personally, and I know that I would feel like it would be out of my personal boundaries to do so.

In response to your question, if it was the difference between maintaining an erection or going soft, well, I don't really have much experience in that arena. I am fairly physically stimulatable... tbh, if a lady wants to keep me hard, all she has to do is put me in her mouth or between her legs, and if I find her sexually appealing, I'll stay hard. If something happens to where I no longer find her sexually appealing, or if stress kicks in and I have performance anxiety, or if I am distracted by other issues, or we start arguing or whatever, a faked orgasm will not change that, and a little blue pill would be wasted on me, because an able body does not a willing partner make. 90% of the time, if I go soft, it is because the desire is no longer there, in that very moment. The other 10%, it is psychological that is messing with me, such as unrelated (or related) stresses, and I lose the mood. All the hip thrusting and pelvic grinding and moaning and kegals and bucking won't change that.

I am a sucker (no pun intended) for oral, though... way cheaper that a blue pill.

[This message edited by Incarnate at 9:54 AM, January 10th (Saturday)]

Thanks, Incarnate. As you are 30 y.o. man, I would imagine you can't relate to the question.

As you age, though, your body goes through some wonderful changes. <sasrcasm> It hasn't nothing to do with desire. You may find things different as you age.

But, maybe, if you can fast forward (30 years) to the older Incarnate that may have some issues in that department. If you could stay hard by your partner faking an orgasm, as opposed to you taking a pill, would that be so offensive? Do you feel that would be deceptive? Do you feel maybe the faking an orgasm is for the 'greater good" and doesn't diminish the authentic intimacy you still do share?

What made it feel like that to me was the bit about you not being made to feel Wayward for faking an orgasm. None of us here have made that distinction about you personally, and I know that I would feel like it would be out of my personal boundaries to do so.

I am so sorry about this. This is from the other thread. Posters there feeling that faking is lying and lying is lying. That it is hypocritical of me and all kinds of yadda, yadda, yadda.

I am so very, very sorry that any Menz felt I was posting that this is what they were saying. I wasn't clear. It is my fault for the misunderstanding. Mea culpa!

[This message edited by SisterMilkshake at 10:13 AM, January 10th (Saturday)]

Hi Menz. What does your partner do that makes you feel loved?

Sex, hugs, saying they love you? Doing things with you that you enjoy?

Thanks :)

Sorry if this has already been asked. My eyes are going crossed reading lol (I am tired...).

BetraydWife

1. What is your opinion on women faking orgasms?

2. Are you comfortable with your woman faking them? All the time? Only occasionally?

3. Would you consider it deceptive if your woman faked it? And would you be hurt by it?

4. If you wouldn't want your woman to fake them, why not?

1. I always wonder why. Why do they feel the need to do that?

2. I'm never comfortable with that.

3. Yes, I would consider deceptive and it would hurt that she felt I couldn't handle the truth that she didn't have an orgasm.

4. If she isn't enjoying herself, and I mean genuinely feeling pleasure and connection, then I want to know so I can change things up. I can't fix it if I don't know it's broken. Faking it feels like I'm being humored and that robs those moments of any meaning they have. I would rather live an uncomfortable, difficult truth than a gilded lie.

SisterMilkShake

If it means the difference between a flaccid or hard dick, do you still have a problem with faking, menz? Or, would you prefer to take a pill? *shrug*

If she isn't into then I have a difficult time staying hard. I can accept that a woman can enjoy being intimate without having an orgasm every time. Each person is different. What I don't want and can't accept is her giving up on the idea of ever having an orgasm and faking it just to make me feel things are ok when they aren't. If my performance is affected by her enthusiasm (and it has been before) then that is a problem that isn't fixed with a pill. If she is enjoying herself and exaggerates her reactions a bit because she wants to get me more excited then I don't consider that the same as faking an orgasm.