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Newest Member: mkei

Just Found Out :
Day 4 of hard 180-need advice

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 mamajen00 (original poster member #43810) posted at 7:19 PM on Sunday, June 29th, 2014

[This message edited by mamajen00 at 6:29 PM, July 22nd (Tuesday)]

BS- me 37
WH- him 38
1 son - almost 5
Married 8 years
Together 13 years
DDay 4/19/14
9 months of intense EA
2 days of PA

posts: 58   ·   registered: Jun. 20th, 2014
id 6853600
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tfkeel ( member #19517) posted at 8:09 PM on Sunday, June 29th, 2014

Saturday was your overnight day and you chose to attend a bachelor party.

I would not allow any "loosely created" schedules.

If you need to, go get a mediator to help you create a visitation (and, a support) schedule.

If he blows his visitation time because he wants to do something else, he can come back at the next scheduled time.

posts: 1201   ·   registered: May. 14th, 2008   ·   location: Pennsylvania
id 6853638
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CantSeeInTheDark ( member #43231) posted at 8:46 PM on Sunday, June 29th, 2014

Consistency is vital for children.

Stick to what you arranged.

Seek support in an agreement if you need to later.

Me 35y
Him 48y
1 Awesome son 3y

DD1 May 2013
DD2 April 2014

Currently wondering how someone who vowed so much, can care so little

posts: 110   ·   registered: Apr. 25th, 2014   ·   location: Gloucestershire
id 6853669
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HonoringVows ( member #41043) posted at 9:13 PM on Sunday, June 29th, 2014

He chose the bachelor party over his son. He did not make the phone call in advance to let you know. You were the one to call him, yes? I wouldn't respond to his text! Or if you feel the need to, tell him you already made plans with your son and Maybe next Saturday will work for him!

[This message edited by HonoringVows at 3:14 PM, June 29th (Sunday)]

Me: 48
WH: 59
Married Almost 23 years
3 adult children: 26, 22, 20
DD: Don't know exact date but about 5 years ago.
Who knows how many I don't know about!
I forgive too easily...for the sake of the family. Tired of pretending!

posts: 56   ·   registered: Oct. 19th, 2013   ·   location: California
id 6853683
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heme ( member #40684) posted at 11:41 PM on Sunday, June 29th, 2014

I would tell him "Sorry but you decided against seeing your son, your next arranged day is x"... Also you need to file custody papers BEFORE he decides to. Even if you guys end up staying together you want something legal that shows this is what is agreed to.

BS: Me (30)
WS: Husband (31)
Married 8 years, together 9
D-Day: Sept 10, 2013
D-Day2: May 31, 2014
Children: 5, ages 7, 5, 3, 1 and due in September

Leaning towards leaving, no one deserves this pain.

posts: 205   ·   registered: Sep. 16th, 2013
id 6853761
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amanda123 ( member #43207) posted at 12:07 AM on Monday, June 30th, 2014

Dont tell me he didnt know that there was a bachelor party on and he suddenly found out a couple of days beforehand. Why leave it to the last minute to tell you that he had other plans? What if you had not contacted him first and you sat and waited for him to pick up your little one, and your little one was expecting him and dad was a no show? You also have a life, what if you had plans yourself?

I would say no, sorry you missed your visit, you can see him when your next visit is scheduled that is if you dont have anything else on.

Your WH should not be disrespectful to you or his child.

posts: 1033   ·   registered: Apr. 23rd, 2014
id 6853781
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tushnurse ( member #21101) posted at 2:50 AM on Monday, June 30th, 2014

No freaking way. This is what I was talking about in your other thread.

Tell him he knowingly passed up his scheduled time and you have other plans and will not be available.

Send it with the original times and then clearly state his next scheduled time and be done and even if you don't have plans he doesn't need to know that.

No more happy family bullshit.

He made this mess time to deal with consequences. No more spending time with daddy at your place either. Make him take him and go to his place.

Me: FBSHim: FWSKids: 23 & 27 Married for 32 years now, was 16 at the time.D-Day Sept 26 2008R'd in about 2 years. Old Vet now.

posts: 20380   ·   registered: Oct. 1st, 2008   ·   location: St. Louis
id 6853951
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ShiningAutumn8 ( member #42558) posted at 3:24 AM on Monday, June 30th, 2014

Just ignore. That tells him all he needs to know.

posts: 1289   ·   registered: Feb. 22nd, 2014
id 6853978
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 mamajen00 (original poster member #43810) posted at 4:28 AM on Monday, June 30th, 2014

[This message edited by mamajen00 at 6:29 PM, July 22nd (Tuesday)]

BS- me 37
WH- him 38
1 son - almost 5
Married 8 years
Together 13 years
DDay 4/19/14
9 months of intense EA
2 days of PA

posts: 58   ·   registered: Jun. 20th, 2014
id 6854040
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Badhurt ( member #41947) posted at 4:50 AM on Monday, June 30th, 2014

Nice going

You are doing great!!

Don't give an inch

Glad you are feeling a little better

posts: 1097   ·   registered: Jan. 6th, 2014   ·   location: Eastern USA
id 6854064
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