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I wouldn't sign anything unless and until my attorney said it was okay.

I am concerned your name is on the mortgage application.

Cat

call the mortgage company. tell them you are divorcing and got these papers that look like you are on the motgage. make sure they KNOW you are not ok with this and they are NOT to process a mortgage with your name on it. They would not be the first to have OW forge the wife's name. DO NOT SIGN ANYTHING without your Lawyer no matter how big a mantrum he throws, go to a hotel for a couple of nights if you have to or call the police if he is abusive to you. Take this very very seriously.

Heard from L this morning. He said No. Sent email to WH's atty asking if she even read the documents before she sent them over as its a JOINT MORTGAGE. He used all caps and exclamation points.

While that's all good and fine....now I'm going to have to deal with WH's rage.

The thing to remember is this - a lack of planning on his part does not constitute an emergency on your (or your lawyer's) part.

Maybe everything in the paperwork is kosher (though it sounds like it isn't). Maybe you are misunderstanding something. But regardless, you have the right to make sure you fully understand everything you are signing, and that you don't sign anything that will be detrimental to you just because he needs it done NOW.

Considering that they dragged their feet on getting this paperwork to you, you should definitely not feel pressured in any way to do this immediately just because he is on a deadline.

Take your time, work with your lawyer, and make sure you are comfortable with anything you sign (and that your lawyer thinks its a good idea). If he starts getting pushy because he's on a clock, tell him it isn't your problem.

Posted at the same time you were posting!

Glad you heard back from the lawyer. The next thing to do - find out how he was even able to do this. To start the mortgage process, at the very least they need signed releases to do credit checks. That means that they should have obtained your signed permission to do that stuff. If you didn't sign anything, then someone is doing something wrong here.

This looks to me like it could be fraud. That's serious, and you shouldn't just let it pass.

If it's a joint mortgage, he has completed an application with your SS #, signed your name, and one or more credit reports have been run against your social. Your lawyer should be asking for copies of any applications with your name on it.

Ask those questions when he starts his hissy fit. Tell him you will be requesting copies of any paperwork from the loan officer that have your signature.

What a douche.

I just wanted to add that aside from your WH's financial douchebaggery, there is NO need for you to deal with his RAGE. If he comes over/in and starts yelling and screaming at you, PLEASE call 911. YOU did not cause this situation and there is no reason YOU should have to suffer domestic trauma - or your DD - because of it. This will not be anything new for the police to have to deal with, so please do not feel shame or hesitation. You NEED to protect yourself and DD.

If it's a joint mortgage, he has completed an application with your SS #, signed your name, and one or more credit reports have been run against your social. Your lawyer should be asking for copies of any applications with your name on it.

Exactly my thoughts. More needs to be done here on your part besides triumphantly declaring you won't sign the document. Some significant fraud has possibly taken place.

...now I'm going to have to deal with WH's rage

The hell you are, honey. First sign of any rage from him toward you is a call to the police.

You are NOT tolerating any rage from him in any form. Right?

You are NOT tolerating any rage from him in any form. Right?

Right. I've already rehearsed in my mind what I will say if necessary.

If it's via text/email, I will simply ignore. Well, maybe not "simply", but I will ignore.

Can y'all say ANXIETY???

Count on the anger. Its his manipulation tool and it has worked very well in the past. Its a button he installed. You are divorcing and are destroying that button with a fine pair of B-boots and saying forcefully NO.MORE. Put that image in your mind and do practice runs of that side kick and don't forget to grind your heel into that button.

((((nekorb)))) Just remember, we are all donning our bitch boots and standing right behind you, giving him the stink eye. You've got this.

UPDATE:

So - idk WTF just happened.

I didn't sign as I haven't heard anything from my attorney indicating I should.

However,

The person who came out to "close" the mortgage gave me this speech about how in our state if we are still married both spouses have to be on named on the mortgage. Then said it's common for it to be financed as an investment property because you can't have two primary residences.....but that seems shady to me....

Bottom line is, I didn't sign.

Now Cat is livid. Has said he isn't going to continue to pack and will not plan to move his stuff out next week as planned.

AYFKM?????

I've got letters from the psychiatrist and the counselor for my DD saying this living situation is not good for her and causing her distress. And he's going to NOT move out/move his stuff out because of this?

I could just cry. I think I might.

I am.

Was I wrong? Should I have signed anyway??

I feel so guilty....I feel like I should be doing whatever needs to be done to get him OUT of here for DD.

Yes, codependent me is trying to crawl out of her box.

ETA: I kind of want to respond to his texts and say I'm sorry this happened but I wish he would do the right thing for his kid and move his stuff out.

[This message edited by nekorb at 6:35 PM, July 11th (Friday)]

Did you tell the person who was going to close on the mortgage that you two are getting a divorce and on the advice of counsel you were not assuming any joint debt with this person? And oh-by-the-way, it was indeed going to be a primary residence, NOT an investment property?

Methinks he was going to try and take advantage of you always bending over backwards to please him to get you to put yourself in financial jeopardy so that he could have what he wanted.

That ship has sailed. You did absolutely the right thing. It is time that you looked after yourself and your future FIRST. Do you realize that by having your name on the mortgage you would be financially liable? That he could run off with the local Rosie Roundheels and leave you on the hook? For the love of God don't sign or agree to anything without your attorney looking it over very carefully.

Stop thinking that the most important thing is making sure he doesn't get mad. He is going to be plenty mad. If he makes one move, call the cops. Don't back down. Ever. At. All.

Cat

[This message edited by Catwoman at 6:43 PM, July 11th (Friday)]

Did you tell the person who was going to close on the mortgage that you two are getting a divorce and on the advice of counsel you were not assuming any joint debt with this person? And oh-by-the-way, it was indeed going to be a primary residence, NOT an investment property?

She asked me - "Is it safe to assume you two are getting a divorce?". We were both like - YES!!

Then she went on to say how you can't finance two primary residences and how common it is when people are divorcing to finance the second home as an investment property. Cat said - "I can't buy a house while I'm still on this mortgage".

Gee, I sort of remember telling you that at one point and you accused me of LYING. You were "going to be on this fucking mortgage as long as your kids lived in this house!".

Fuckwit.

I didn't like her tone right in the beginning. I don't think it was intentional, but when I asked her why my name was on the mortgage she said, "Because we live in the state of X. Your attorney should know that this is how it works here."

She had that tiny bit of sarcasm in her voice...but I never heard it again and she told Cat what steps he needed to take on Monday to see how we can get this accomplished.

Necorb,

Remember the person whom they sent to "close" is probably just a notary or title officer. Not lawyers. And yes, some lenders will request both spouses on mortgage to protect them (lender). I suspect they have no idea you are going through a divorce.

Do not sign those papers. You sign them you are on the hook for the mortgage.

I would want to know who the lender is and I would want to see the paperwork. They would have had to have your signature to apply for loan, run your credit etc. Someone is doing something VERY ILLEGAL. Does CAT know any lenders?

And I forgot to add, Cat can go rent an apartment. You are not obligated to make sure he can buy a house right now. You are in the middle of a divorce.

FTG, don't let him push you into anything.

Does CAT know any lenders?

I don't think so. I know this is his second mortgage company. Financing fell through with the first one. They didn't know he was getting divorced. Not sure if he divulged that information this time, but I thought he did.

Cat can go rent an apartment.

I said those EXACT words to him as he was saying he isn't going to have anywhere to go if he doesn't get the condo. I said, "Rent an apartment." He looked me RIGHT in the eye and said, "NO.".

I don't understand how he has lost sight of his kids and this disaster we are living in right now. Our entire famiy room is FILLED with his stuff - boxes, furniture...I can't get my car in the garage because of all the stuff out there....

I just don't understand what "getting this resolved" has to do with him putting his shit in storage. What is he going to do - fucking unpack it all?

Have you filed for exclusive use of the marital residence yet? With the documentation about the distress to your DD it shouldn't be too terribly difficult. Then you can THROW CAT's ass out, along with his mountain of "stuff."

Nothing about this situation sits right with me. I am not an attorney, but it sounds like he wants to slide this by BEFORE you file for divorce and are under the financial constraints that come with that. Shady, in my opinion.

I think you need to let your new attorney get up to speed. It makes no sense that he has access to a 20% downstroke for new digs, but needs your name on the mortgage. If you did sign on, it then becomes joint property that has to be divvied up in the divorce. I don't think you need that complication.

If he wants something that badly, let him put his money where his mouth is and come up with something you can live with.

Do. Not. Sign. Anything. Without. Attorney. Review.

Cat

[This message edited by Catwoman at 7:17 PM, July 11th (Friday)]