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Remember these words and repeat them whenever the asshole or any of his hired guns tries to bully you again "My L advised me not to sign these papers". You do not need to say anything else. Just repeat it over and over if needed. And look at them like they are fucking stupid if you have to repeat it more than once. That sentence say all you need to say about the subject.

The person who came out to "close" the mortgage gave me this speech about how in our state if we are still married both spouses have to be on named on the mortgage. Then said it's common for it to be financed as an investment property because you can't have two primary residences

NOT YOUR PROBLEM! Who cares what the laws of the state are for that asshole to buy a property? Not you. You do not have to jump thru hoops for him anymore.

Make sure that you document this little charade of his. It will not look good to the court that he is trying to hustle the mortgage company and bully you into buying property when you are in the middle of a D.

Contact your L on Monday and tell him/her exactly what happened. And push for temp orders.

(((hugs)))

I was thinking to myself - AGAIN - how glad I am that I'm not with my old attorney. Even if new attorney did NOT get back to me today. Well, I take that back. He said don't sign. Anything that went on beyond that I should assume didn't change his mind about the situation.

I think this guy is going to kick ass and take names. I gotta tell ya'.

Who cares what the laws of the state are for that asshole to buy a property?

This made me laugh. you guys are awesome.

The next thing to address will be Cat putting the money back that he already took out of our account without signing appropriate documents first....L was none too pleased about THAT.

Did you sign the original mortgage application? Did you authorize the broker to check your credit? If not, Cat has committed a felony!

I would suggest you immediately put a security freeze on your ss# with all 3 credit bureaus so he can't pull this again.

I would suggest you immediately put a security freeze on your ss# with all 3 credit bureaus so he can't pull this again.

I second this statement.

I'd make this a VERY high priority (as in do it today).

I forgot to add:

I live in California (community property state) and was still married to XWH when my then-fiancé and I were purchasing our home.

The only document XWH had to sign was a quit claim document (since we were still legally married).

His name was NEVER ON THE MORTGAGE/LOAN documents nor was he a co-applicant of any kind.

Your STBXWH is trying to pull a fast one on you.

I am thinking it might be very advantageous if it can be proved that your WS put your name and SSN on a mortgage application that you knew nothing about.

Cat

I did go and pull two of my credit reports. I don't see an inquiry from the mortgage company.

I did see an inquiry from the credit bureau itself that it said *i* initiated it (I didn't), but when I called and asked about it, they said it was just a routine security check. I was not completely sure she understood what I was asking!!

So I was glad there was nothing blatant showing up.

I'm going out of town with the kids next week. I was SO hoping not to have to deal with this shit while I was gone.

I will try to clarify some of the legal issues present in these type of situations. Most of the posters have very good instincts and have properly advised you not to sign anything yet. On the other hand, there are some situations where it makes sense to help accommodate this transaction. Here it goes:

IF IT MAKES SENSE TO HAVE HIM BUY THIS HOME, WHAT DO YOU NEED TO SIGN?

Assuming it is in your best interest for him to buy this home (more on that later), there might be ways for you to facilitate the transaction without affecting your financial future. In many states, lenders will not lend (on a real estate loan) to 1 person party to a marriage without the spouse signing some sort of document. This posture is legitimate in those states that have what is called inchoate spousal interests. The way this should be accomplished in such situations is to have the non-borrower-non title holder spouse sign a document that either waives an interest in the property or makes the inchoate interest subordinate to the lender's mortgage. You should absolutely not sign as a borrower unless there is some bizarre financial plan you are following that will keep you tied to this guy for years to come.

continued..

DOES IT MAKE SENSE?

This analysis is family and financial planning as opposed to strictly legal planning, but they are intertwined. Some lawyers are good at the long term financial aspects in a divorce and some are not. If yours is not, don't spend your money on him/her waddling through this part of it. Get help from a financial planner or the like and then tell your lawyer what the goals are for them to work on.

It might make sense from an overall financial perspective to have him buy the house. It depends on his income, the debt load he would carry and other housing alternative out there. You want him to have adequate housing to meet the needs of your kid(s) when with him. You also don't want him to be financially strapped in the context of performance of his obligations to you and the kid(s).

[This message edited by crisp at 10:38 AM, July 12th (Saturday)]

Crisp- I sort of followed that! Lol maybe it's still early...

My L's response to Cat's atty was that my WH makes plenty of money and has assets to boot that should enable him to secure a home mortgage without my name on it. Said I would sign away dower rights but that's it.

Idk. I figure it isn't my L's first time around the block with this.

Nekorb, you did nothing wrong. As usual, and according to his past practices, your WH is trying to bully you into doing what HE wants. He doesn't CARE what effect this will have on you, and more importantly, your DD. It's that simple. If it affects your D's mental health, well, so what? That is not in his self-centered area of concern right now. Right now his concern is himself and his OW - to the exclusion of everything else. PLEASE realize that. He will watch you and DD go down the tubes with no more emotion than if he were watching ants dying on a sidewalk. YOU need to protect YOU and DD. Listen to YOUR atty. Don't sign anything without atty's review. File ASAP for exclusive use of the house based on the Dr's letters re: DD's mental health. Lock down your credit. Put WH's needs on the farthest back burner in your head - they simply have no place in your thoughts at this time. He doesn't deserve ONE consideration from you: he is a BULLY, a LIAR, a USER, and personally, I hate him for treating you and DD the way he has and still is.

continued...

SOME LEGAL MUMBO GUMBO

Under Reg B and the Fair Credit Opportunity Act, the lender is not allowed to require you to be a co-borrower or to sign anything other than the document that addresses the possible inchoate interest.

Mortgage underwriting and the "second home" situation- (This is important because second home mortgages carry much higher interest and insurance rates)While it is true that married couples can have only one "primary residence" for mortgage underwriting purposes, I am not sure the woman representing the lender knew what she was talking about. It depends on the state law re: status of your marriage and how that affects the legitimate underwriting standards. The lenders are not allowed to discriminate based on marital status. So, if under your state domestic relations laws your separation is recognized, your STBX probably is entitled to his own primary residence for underwriting purposes.

Edited to let you know the dower rights you just mentioned is what I was referring to when I was talking about inchoate rights. Dower rights are but one of a few inchoate rights, specifically it encompasses the female spouse's marital no-title rights to property held by the husband. If my memory serves me correctly curtesy rights are the converse for the husband.

[This message edited by crisp at 10:45 AM, July 12th (Saturday)]

Sorry if this was answered somewhere, but he must have run your credit and signed something to authorize it getting this far. What else has he done? Check your credit for other things, such as credit cards that he put in your name or electric bills, etc...and make sure you know that all things run for are truly you doing so. You don't want a bill down the road you knew nothing about to fight against. Plus your score drops each time it's checked somewhat so know what's going on.

Non-UPDATE:

Cat stopped over to pick up his mail and we divided the family pictures that are hanging on the walls. Actually did that with no fighting and no drama - done in about ten minutes.

THEN he asks me to please do whatever I can to facilitate him purchasing the condo. I said I would except for going against my attorneys advice!

Then I get to hear about how he's "asked people" and this is standard in our state. I say my attorney said not to sign.

He says he is moving back in and leaving his stuff here (my family room looks like a fucking warehouse right now) if he doesn't get the condo. I said not getting his condo does not preclude him from moving his stuff into storage and he said yes it does.

We go back and forth about it for a few minutes and I say that we need to stop talking about it and I see him to the front door.

This is so fucking exhausting.

And I still haven't heard from my attorney.

Have you changed the locks?

Can't change locks yet. Was hoping to do it after he moved his stuff out, but now it looks like he isn't going to be doing that.

[This message edited by nekorb at 11:03 PM, July 12th (Saturday)]

Attorney burning the midnight oil!

He still says NO.

Cat is going to have to deal with it and get the shit straightened out.

Got to read my L's response to Cat's atty. Still giggling. Just enough sarcasm in it to sting a little bit.

Me like.

He still says NO.

Cat is going to have to deal with it and get the shit straightened out.

Got to read my L's response to Cat's atty. Still giggling. Just enough sarcasm in it to sting a little bit.

Good. Sounds like new attorney is jumping in and standing up to them.

I work in the mortgage fraud prevention department for a bank, and this whole thing stinks to high heaven. If my bank were alerted to a situation such as this, we would be pulling this loan and looking over it with a fine toothed comb, and then declining it.

I am assuming the people your STBX are working with are a third party originator, such as a mortgage broker or correspondent loan company. THEY can be very shady and like to try to push things through.

If you are going to alert anyone, alert the bank, not the mortgage broker.

[This message edited by sparkysable at 7:54 AM, July 13th (Sunday)]

Thanks for the support everyone.

It is SO hard to break that thought process of everything being "my fault". Even when I have all kinds of hard evidence to prove otherwise!

I think the thing that really saddens me is that I'm sure Cat is blaming me to his MIL, who I'm very close to and love dearly. She and I aren't talking right now, so there is no way for me to let her know what is *really* happening.

Sparkysable: isn't the fact that they are financing this as an investment property fraudulent in and of itself? As the others have said, would he have had to put my name and SS# to things to get it this far with me listed as a borrower? How do I know what bank it is? I do think he is working with a mortgage company - the name is XXXXX Mortgage. Seems obvious. Lol