SurvivingInfidelity.com^®

It is eye opening and sometimes some of us realize this after we divorce for other reasons & we now start to analyze what our M was.

2 books that helped me:

The Verbally Abusive Relationship

Verbal Abuse Survivors Speak Out

Both by Patricia Evans

It is eye opening and sometimes some of us realize this after we divorce for other reasons & we now start to analyze what our M was.

2 books that helped me:

The Verbally Abusive Relationship

Verbal Abuse Survivors Speak Out

Both by Patricia Evans

I'm trying not to repeat what others have posted.

I'm currently working thru the emotions I stuffed/packed away when dealing with XH. I'm using Melanie Tonia Evans Narcissistic Abuse Recovery Program. It's sort of new age. If you lean that way.

Also: www.webofnarcissism.com

Any books dealing by Brene Brown on NPD/abuse are good.

Hugs,

K

Thank you for sharing. When we are trapped in the cycle, it is difficult to recognize the actions taken against us.

Your response to her telling you she would call, is better than progress. It is the recognition YOU took back your power. That is powerful.

You did good! I'm proud to "know" you.

Thanks for the reading suggestions, y'all. NG, I knew you'd have lots of suggestions for me!

Gr8Lady, thank you. I do feel like I'm making tiny bits of progress. Making anybody proud - even a sort of stranger from the Web - makes me break out into a goofy grin.

Hi Pass,

I can understand how shocking it is to realize that you were being abused.

I went through this all last year, I can't tell you how many times I asked IC, "this was abusive? it really was?"

Almost like my brain could not accept it somehow. I tend to minimize others bad behavior and it was shocking to have my perceptions validated.

I thought it over the years, pre dday, googled "what is emotional abuse?", but always told myself that I was overreacting. Funny thing that I just remembered, I would always erase the search history because I was afraid that he would get angry if he saw what I was searching for!

Damn! Talk about denial. I knew it was abuse but didn't believe myself .

It is real, that is the hardest part for me. Now, my big question, why did we accept such poor treatment? How do we change so that we are never treated like that again?

(((Pass)))

Thanks, Can. I think the biggest answer to this:

Now, my big question, why did we accept such poor treatment? How do we change so that we are never treated like that again?

Is to never do this again:

always told myself that I was overreacting

They had us so well-trained to believe that we're the problem. A little self confidence is something I'm working on with my shrink. The first thing we have to learn is how to "not take no shit".

I think we're all scared of being too picky, and turfing someone who might be perfect because we've misread a red flag. For most of us, this is probably so far from being an issue that we just don't need to worry about it. However, keeping things in perspective, and realizing that all the people we date are NOT narcs is probably something to think about some day as well.

The fact that I was abused just never occurred to me. You should be proud of the fact that you at least did those google searches. You were much more self-aware than I was.

Despite my severe depression, I'm optimistic that I'll get there some day.

awesome post pass I read the article and I will join the club it was exactly what I went through!!! thank you

Thanks, Fly - and others. It's a big help for me to see that I'm not alone.

Hi again Pass,

I just remembered a website that had lots of good articles regarding abuse, also some webcasts that seem to help. Google saferelationships.com.

Also an author named Sandra Brown, not the mystery writer though. She also runs this website.

It sure is a long road...