This may be a little long, Im new so im not completely familiar with all the abbreviations just yet either.
First off, my H and I have been together for almost 8 years we have been married for 3 1/2. We have two children DD 2years old DS 8 months.
My H is genuinely an amazing man, very kind and loving with a good heart.
About 2 weeks ago we were having a conversation and he has this coworker who is his friend, well she came up in conversation and he said something to me that made me think that something was going on between them. Either there were feelings between the two of them or she made a move. ( I believe in my heart that I know he would never get physical with another woman as long as he is married to me) So I started asking him all kinds of questions in the next few days that followed. He was very elusive, indirect, avoiding the questions and deflecting the conversation. Then he started acting very strange with me. [We go out to a bar on some nights to drink and have fun with each other and some friends, to kind of loosen up from our daily lives. His mother lives with us so she listens to the monitor while the kids sleep.] So this night he was being very distant with me, hes normally ALL over me. and he was making sure to stay away from me until I said something about it. So the next day I get on his facebook to see if there is any evidence of anything going on between them. And sure enough there is. He is telling her he loves her, calling her beautiful and angel face, and told her he wants to kiss her stomach. I bringing him lunch to his work when I read this and I just fill up with rage and hurt. I get there and I don't say anything until I go to leave and he kisses my forehead! Now I know that seems so small, but he always kisses my lips and I just knew its because he feels guilt. And I lost it! I started screaming at him that I knew something was going on between them and if he didn't stop he was going to lose his family {not that I would take the kids away but that we would no longer be whole} and so he denied it and said he wants a divorce and that he was leaving. I called him stupid and left. That night im pretty sure he slept with the other woman. because now in his head he is single. I never told him I went through his things and I don't plan too.
He didn't come home, and several nights he went out and came home at 6 am to sleep in our bed. I would already be up with the kids so it was no big deal. We weren't really talking all that much. I had been reading several things and all said to just be kind, focus on yourself and not cause conflict or youll push him out the door.
FYI I want to save our marriage regardless of what he has done. I am not trying to leave or have him leave.
So I was being kind with him just making small talk every once in a while. Not bothering him or texting through out the day like we normally do. Then about 4 days later he texts me saying he misses me. The next night he tells me hes sorry, hes fucked up and he wants to fix this no matter what. So We make love and kiss. The next night we are up for hours just talking, nothing important, just connecting. So the next 5 days we are going out almost every night making love 2-3 times a day and just really connecting with each other.
BTW- I think the emotional affair happened becauase we lost connection, after our first child we rarely spent time together I went in the other room because she had some problems and I wanted him to be able to sleep. I think I made him feel very alone because I became so focused on the kids and him on work. We lost our emotional connection and never really gained it back. It also doesn't help that Im not very good at sharing my feelings or saying what im thinking. But im in counseling now and im working very hard to fix this.
I felt more connected with him in those 5 days then I have in years! It was going good. until sunday he said he was going to tell the Ow good bye. and he was gone for several hours. So I called him and then we went out that night. We argued a little bit but then I said lets not talk about it right now, we aren't ready. So we had a good night. The next day is Monday which is inventory day at his work, a day he has to see this girl ALL day long. I hated it. especially since the next night he told me he doesn't know if he wants to be with me or not. I don't make him happy. I just said ok. Im trying to just give him space and what not. I have read that at the beginning of an affair after its out in the open the one having the affair will do a yo-yo affect with you and the ow because they are confused. Which he texted me 2 nights ago telling me he was confused about everything. So again Im just giving him space.
Yesterday we make love, I know crazy how the heck did that happen! and hes being nice to me, talking to me, and seeming as if he is leaning towards us again. Last night he actually starts telling me about this girl (before he just denied) and said he doesn't know what to do, when he tried to tell her goodbye she refused and said she would wait for him forever (yea right!). We continue to talk and again it sounds like hes wanting to work on us. Then I tell him how I feel, how I feel like its my fault how I think I made him feel alone and this is probably why it happened. and I don't know why but its like I lit a fire in him. He flipped out saying how we were over how we are never getting back together how hes made up his mind (even though a few minutes prior he said "If I decide that I want to work things out" doesn't really sound like his mind is made up) and he said he was leaving. He didn't come home last night and took clothes to go to work today. I feel like I messed up by telling him how I felt. which is so ironic since I feel like Im in this situation because I don't tell him what im feeling! So now I have to give him space all over again and let him cool down. I read that this process goes on for 6 months. That I need to be patient because affairs usually dwindle down after a year. So I focus on myself till then. But I have no one to talk to about this. I don't want to feel judged because I know Im going against what a lot of people would think they would do. I love him unconditionally, my love is not going to fade because of his behavior or because hes human and made a mistake. I just want him to realize the mistake hes making. :(
Has anyone gone through something similar to this??