SurvivingInfidelity.com^®

I think sometimes too much pressure is put on a BS-apologies for generalizing.

We are expected to be super human and battle this almost raging emotion at times, without daring to show it. It's just not always possible.

I've always thought of that feeling as adrenaline, and think anger fuels our adrenaline so that sometimes it pushes us so far over an edge that we can't stop ourselves. Because we are human, which is made up of so many complex things.

OW appears where I live but I go to great length to avoid. I told them both that I would never acknowledge her existence, no matter what she will do. I told her I have the # for 911 (attempt at lol to lighten mood) and will use it should she ever step one giant toe in my building.

I am in the same spot as you, with 24/7 physical care while they enjoy their Lurveshack and my kids come back needing care and attention. Yet it is me who is constantly criticized, made fun of and I've lost many people due to the lies Perv tells to save face.

Don't forget, NS, crazy a.. lies are told about us because they have to be convincing about how horrible they had it and whatnot.

The highroad is a lonely place.

If it helps, the reason I'm on it, is to show how much I just don't give a damn anymore...I do, inside I rage, but outside, I am robotic. It is for me and you can get there, if you want to.

Also, it's a contest. For a lot of OP.

[This message edited by Ashland13 at 7:31 PM, July 19th (Saturday)]

I would turn real ghetto, real quick, if the OW ever showed up in my driveway.

NSingle,

Here is a photo of the poster I mentioned in the previous post. The second photo is the facade of the Poster Museum (with my back..taken by my son).

Ok try Number two based on SBB's suggestion.

[This message edited by kg201 at 11:35 PM, July 19th (Saturday)]

I would turn real ghetto, real quick, if the OW ever showed up in my driveway.

It would certainly be a "Girl, hold my earrings" moment.

Who DOES that? I know we're not dealing with rational people but c'mon. Wouldn't you feel weird even if you weren't the OW unless you had a good relationship with your SOs X?

I just wouldn't do it. Even if my SOs X was a WW I wouldn't Leann Rimes it up all in her face.

Kg, you need to save them to photo bucket then post the link. You can't post pics directly from your local drive.

I would pay close attention to stronger's words

Its was a scummy move on your WH part by bringing the OW to your Moms house. And if you think about it they got what they wanted. They wanted a reaction out of you and sadly you took the bait. So now who looks like the irrational one ? Yep its you, but learn from this and never, ever allow them to manipulate you into making a scene ever again.

It's ok for our kids to know we're human. It's another thing for them to see us go postal. That will stay with her for a long time, and your X will get mileage from it.

Move forward and get your revenge by a life well lived.

Ha, ha! Thanks for the photo!

Yeah, they set you up for that. And while your reaction is understandable, you are going to need to address this with your DD because they've been talking about it all weekend.

Be prepared for the hello kitty onslaught because they aren't going to give up this new button very easily. Good news, you now know that you are in a much higher, classier social strata than she is. I would not for one second feel bad about portraying that to her. As someone who has the absolute joy of more contact with stripper whore than with ex-shat, I've gotten very good at looking through her. When I do speak to her, I talk down to her in ever so polite ways that she's too stupid to even get.

Totally understandable reaction. It's so hard to do "in the moment" what we fantasize we'd do. Reality is a bitch. What he did was deplorable.

Forgive yourself for going postal. I don't think it's as huge a deal as some think, especially if you address it with your daughter. She needs to understand that what her dad is doing is terrible, that she should never put up with it herself and that sometimes we need to stand up for ourselves against bullies. The OW is a bully. This may solidify to your daughter exactly how heart breaking and uncool this is what is being done to you.

In my own situation, my dd was 6yrs old when her dad left me for another woman. I did take the high road, but that made this seem somewhat OK in my daughter's eyes, I never did show her how angry I was about what her dad did to me. Her and I had a long chat just recently about how hurt mommy really was but that mommy is ok now and thriving.

Then take the high road. Show your daughter what a strong, independent woman does. Take care of the kids and yourself. Show your daughter that while having a man was nice, being a strong woman on your own two feet is nicer.

[This message edited by twicefooled at 12:23 PM, July 20th (Sunday)]

SBB if I could only be more like you!!!😍

Bitch had it coming. Would not have let homewrecker whore get away with calling me a bad mom though and would have been better to have DD step inside, etc first.

You need to debrief DD as soon as she gets back. Lord knows what they've told her. She needs to understand the truth.

I agree that downplaying your hurt makes the kids think that kind of behavior is ok and they are more likely to become APs

What SBB said. Only no PG words. And maybe a spit in her face.

sbb rocks couldn't have said it better myself

SBB - Peridot - SparkySable.

You said it better than I ever could. SBB, your post made me laugh out loud, something I haven't done since my divorce came through last week. Thank you, thank you, thank you.

NewlySingle, you know, I struggle with this issue too, and my ex and OW have some "special" issues (like sex addiction and S&M hookups with strangers!). I've come to the conclusion that there isn't really a "right" answer re: children. I mean, are you REALLY supposed to let your child believe that you are not upset by this sort of thing - by this terrible human being pretending to be a good person? What will you daughter think about this when she's old enough to figure it all out on her own?

What does that do to a child? We are ignoring a huge white elephant by not being somewhat honest in our emotions about the OW.

I really don't believe that I would respect my mother if she pretended everything was okay as she handed me off to hello kitty whore at my grandma's house.

It will all be okay, I believe, if we follow our guts and allow ourselves to be human and love our kids as much as we can. Calling a whore a whore, well, who cares in the long run. You were honest at least!

So the Gnat and Hello Kitty dropped off the kids tonight. I had my mom retrieve the kids as I figured it wouldn't be wise to deal with them now. My mom said HK was turned away in the car the whole time and wouldn't look at her at all! My mom was disappointed as she wanted a better look at HK's mustache.

Here is the text that he sent me before drop off:

I want to make sure that you realize what you did in front of the kids Saturday is completely unacceptable. You can not do that again. DD was scared and embarrassed. She had also told me that you've been saying a lot of bad things about me and HK. This is not ok. You cannot talk to her like this. You can't tell her bad things about us. We will be dropping the kids off at 4. There cannot be another incident like Saturday. Just take the kids and their stuff and we will leave.

I responded to this BS with crickets. Now, I'll admit my behavior wasn't ideal so the part about DD being scared and embarrassed is probably true and I know I've got some serious damage control and owning my shit to do. However, the part about DD saying I say bad stuff about them is BS. I never even talk with her about HK and I'm always supportive of DD's relationship with her dad. If she did say something like that she must have been heavily led on by those two.

How do I handle this? Do I just ignore it? These are false allegations, but not sure they're worth arguing about. I'd live some opinions from SI.

[This message edited by newlysingle at 9:16 PM, July 21st (Monday)]

Just apologize to your DD and let her know that you are hurt about how this has all played out.

Honestly, deep down she's most likely glad that you said some things to him that she doesn't feel able to say (ie: being able to spend time with her dad *alone*).

*Crickets* to him and his condescending text. But in my head:

You cannot talk to her like this. You can't tell her bad things about us

Really? My job as a parent is to raise up good, moral humans. *My* morals tell me that when you take marriage vows that include forsaking others, it's not optional. My children will be instructed accordingly.....tough shit if that makes you look like an asshole. *shrug*

[This message edited by gonnabe2016 at 9:28 PM, July 21st (Monday)]

yes, ignore it. You know the truth, he is just trying to stir things up

He is trying to make you the bad guy when it was him and HK that are the bad guys

Don't even bother replying to his text. Let them believe what they want, nothing you say will change that and they will use what happened the other night against you every chance they get

Focus on your kids, to hell with what bs they want to spew, their lives are lies and they want to make everyone believe them, take the high ground and ignore

And don't beat yourself up about your reaction the other night. They did it on purpose

I have never met OW, and I hope I never do. If she ever sets foot on my property, I will NOT be held responsible for what happens to her!!!!!!!!!!!!

Ignore it completely. You pour your energy into your kids and you help them work through this while also working your own way through it.

My mom was disappointed as she wanted a better look at HK's mustache.

My mum calls Whaura a rodent - not only does she act like one she looks like one too.

[This message edited by SBB at 9:56 PM, July 21st (Monday)]

I lucked out in that OW started yelling at me last month in my driveway in front of my kids. I called 911 on her ass as in my d papers it says no confrontation in front of children. I loved seeing them haul ass b4 the cops got there . Sometimes we have to show our kids we won't b bullied!!

Back to the high road, and crickets cause that's how u really get back at them....

Another visual t/j. Thought you would appreciate this.

I would respond.

Gnat, your mistress is not welcome on my property or on my family's property. If you ever bring her on my property I will call the police and have her arrested for tress passing. Otherwise, go fuck yourself! Hagd.

But I really sucked at crickets. Oh and I did tell my X this. Guess what, Shrek don't show her face at my home.

I'm pissed for you. Stupid lying POS passive aggressive fuck. BTW if she showed up at my mother's my Mom is dysfunctional enough to try n shoot her. She's a lousy shot so she'd probably miss though!

SBB's whole post, and THIS:

Really? My job as a parent is to raise up good, moral humans. *My* morals tell me that when you take marriage vows that include forsaking others, it's not optional. My children will be instructed accordingly.....tough shit if that makes you look like an asshole. *shrug*