SurvivingInfidelity.com^®

IMO, in a divorce due to betryal, the faithful spouse should get all the assets because they did not choose to break their implied contract.

The cheating spouse ALWAYS had the option of doing the right thing and divorcing prior to dating, but they chose not to.

This in my opnion is the greatest suggestion that i have read.

Would i be willing to put it al;l on the table against myself? YES!! And if i found someone just as willing to agree and do the same. Then i am sure i wouldn't be here because the only person that could stop me is me. WS's need to learn this and challenge themselves to be decent partners.

That or throw it all away because you couldn't even count on yourself.

In the late1940s, probably 1946,a member of my family was arrested for adultery. Heartbreaking, but terrifying. Lesson learned.

I believe in today's society their aren't any consequences for adultery. I believe there should be.

It is too easy to break the law.

Marriage is a solemn covenant between two people. Additionally for on religious folks, it is a breaking of a contract.

No matter what there should be legal consequences.

Just my 2 cents .

No, I don't. Not at all. As brutal and painful as it is, no. It's just too...complicated to even get into why it would not be a good idea. I'm trying to write this law in my head and just..no.

maybe the marriage contract should look like a business contract?

pre-nupts arent any good because (from what I hear) they are void after 10 years of M. A contract should not have a expiration date.

Interesting ideas posted. I find I really like the idea that all assets go to the BS. I believe men maybe more than women would have a problem with that. Might help keep pants on.

That will never happen has previously stated.

With many offences today they require counseling. IE anger management, AA, etc.

Most agree adulterers are broken. Maybe IC would lessen the infidelity, the AP wouldn't do it again.

Double post

[This message edited by Itstoohard at 8:02 PM, July 23rd (Wednesday)]

Actually there are still states where you can bring an alienation of affection lawsuit against the AP. They are: Hawaii, Illinois, Mississippi, New Mexico, North Carolina, South Dakota, and Utah. If Nevada were on the list I'd sue her ass off. She is such a loser she doesn't have much BUT she does have a job as a school teacher - I would attach her wages.

However, in some states you can still sue for intentional emotional distress - Nevada is one of them. If I end up divorced I absolutely will sue her. She screwed with the wrong wife this time.

I wholeheartedly agree with everything stillgoing said. Those responses deserve a round of applause!

If marriage is a contract and the contract is breached the remedy provided by the legislature is a divorce. If adultery is prosecutable then does the bs who attempts to reconcile become a willing participant in the crime and becomes a co defendant to the crime or an accessory after the fact. Further if adultery remains a civil matter is the bs contributory negligent if they attempt to reconcile. Yes adultery is painful and gut wrenching, and the remedy is to leave the WS and build a new and better life without someone who is willing to betray you for years over and over again.

I feel that prosecutable would not work as it does not in the states where it is still a crime. However I feel it should have consequences in divorce. Ohio is no fault however you can site infidelity as a cause. The judge here can take anything he /she deems worthy in their decision so it is still possible for there to be financial consequences. With a dissolution it would be whatever is agreed to, I think I would have some leverage to have that come out in my favor, there are people who do not know that she would like to keep that way. Of course that would be coercion if the court knew, still, telling would never be against the law! The courts say they can't legislate morality but the basis of a "marriage" is a "contract" to be faithful, no different than breaking any business contract and there are consequences for that!

These opinions have all been interesting reads. Thanks to everyone weighing in on it.

So if it would clog up the legal system, then what repercussions should be in place for someone who commits adultry.

it would only clog the legal system if it failed to act as a deterrent.

one could argue that the reason our legal system is clogged up is because its failing or already failed. it isnt a deterrent. a great example is the OM from SWAT (a member here). this guy has repeatedly violated police orders. hes been to court multiple times. hes still out and about. if he had been arrested and jailed after the first offense for 30 days then all of his subsequent violations wouldnt have occured because he would have been incarcarated instead. perhaps they would have happened afterwards but then not again because he would have, again, been jailed.

to put our legal system in perspective ...

during the time of genghis khan it is said that someone could walk from damascus to moscow to hungary to china with a gold vase on top of their head with no fear of being robbed. why? because the consequences to a traveller being robbed were quick, assured, and harsh.

im not saying that we should go back to executing entire towns because a traveller nearby is robbed.

what i am saying is that our legal system is NOT quick. it is not assured that one will get punished for clear violations of the law. it is hardly harsh.

one thing i learned in the marines is that you dont make a rule unless you have too. if you make it and dont enforce it people gain contempt for your rules. if you make it you will forever after have to codify it. our legal system has too many rules that arent enforced. people have contempt for our legal system in general. even if you are found guilty you (usually) get a slap on the wrist.

i fail to see how this is complicated. if you are married and YOUR spouse can prove the WS committed adultry and wants to prosecute it goes to trial. if the AP is married and their spouse wants to prosecute and can prove their and your WS committed adultry it goes to trial.

producing the facts (aka a hotel bill, texts, pictures, emails, etc) can either prove or disprove adultry. the bar of truth wouldnt be as high as that of a criminal trial and would take maybe an hour. at the end of which their is a conviction or not. conviction = the scarlet A on the forehead.

if the AP isnt married or the BS doesnt want to prosecute then their is no one to bring charges and it doesnt go to court.

want to end drunk driving? the trial is 5 minutes. here is the blood alcohol content. if its higher than X you lose your license for life. no excuses. no second chances. watch the level of driving under influence crimes fall like a rock. germany has zero tolerance and its rare it happens there as a consequence of a harsh legal penalty that does come fast and is assured.

wait 8 months for trial and justice is slow, not quick.

even if you are guilty you get probation or a fine instead of the legal penalty is weak and encourages contempt.

THATS why the legal system is clogged. 67% of violent crime is committed by repeat offenders. if they were in jail .... that number would be lower and the court system wouldnt be so clogged.

of course that would also increase the cottage prison industry we currently have which is also an american problem but thats another issue.

A crime? No, but it should have civil ramifications which encourage suitable compensation for the betrayed spouse depending on the circumstances of their marriage.

For this reason I believe people should protect themselves and assets with a prenuptial agreement, this is particularly important for women who (in general situations) sacrifice seniority, earning power and career progression to raise a family.

I do not believe that infidelity is a criminal act, without a prenup the moral conditions we accept as part of a marriage contract are not legally enforceable. While the agreement between the spouses and state are legally binding this only prohibits certain circumstances such as bigamy or protects particular aspects such as property; moral concerns such as infidelity do not necessarily become a breach of this contract unless certain conditions such as abandonment are met. The laws are more focused on what can be accepted as a marriage as opposed to the behaviours of the parties after the act.

In a practical sense I would hate to think that our over stretched law enforcement agencies would have their attention diverted from the prevention of crimes such as rape, murder and spousal abuse to the prosecution of wayward partners.

As one poster commented the military still considers infidelity a punishable offence (not a crime as the poster stated), this is the same military justice system that makes being one minute late for work or failing to meet a certain time on a run an offence of the same gravity. The are very valid reasons (that are off topic to go into here) for military members to come under the justice system, infidelity as a punishable offence is more about its ability to undermine the mission or chain of command or to cause disrepute to the organisation.

I do not believe that infidelity is a criminal act, without a prenup the moral conditions we accept as part of a marriage contract are not legally enforceable. While the agreement between the spouses and state are legally binding this only prohibits certain circumstances such as bigamy or protects particular aspects such as property; moral concerns such as infidelity do not necessarily become a breach of this contract unless certain conditions such as abandonment are met. The laws are more focused on what can be accepted as a marriage as opposed to the behaviours of the parties after the act.

This.

Vengeance and justice are not one and the same.

In terms of consequences, as a BS, I would want only that which assisted my healing. The scarlet A on the forehead serves no purpose for me, my children or my family. It does nothing to further my healing nor help my recovery. Again, as nolight said, this to me would be in the form of suitable compensation with regards to the division of marital assets and the goal of helping me and my children to survive the trauma and recover from it.

Yes they should. If someone breaks your soul they should be arrestted. maybe anoher sort of jail time.

i, personally, also wouldnt want a scarlet A on my wifes forehead. we are trying to R and it would make things a "bit" uncomfortable.

but if i had decided that her multiple infidelities were a deal breaker i SHOULD be able to go to court, prove she cheated, and she should have to get it.

my wife cheated with a boat load of people in many different ways. one guy she was sexting with and exchanging nude pics with was married. i outed my wife and her husband to his wife. they are also trying to R. however, if she had decided not to R and to D or S then she should have the right to go to court and get her husband AND my wife to get the scarlet A.

the rest of the people she cheated with arent married. they wouldnt have a say or the ability to bring this suit to court.

there is NO reason for police. you dont need police for a civil action. therefore this idea it will over-burden the police isnt logical. you go to a lawyer or to the courthouse, charge them with adultry, and then come to court with your "proof".

if they exchanged texts, etc confirming the adultry then ... the case is pretty quick ... isnt it.

want to stop adultry? put a harsh penalty on it.

but some of the stories i read on here ... there is no doubt that society would be much better off it was easy to identify an adulterer and society treated them with the scorn they deserve.

the greatest indicator of poverty is a single parent. 55% of divorces site infidelity as the reason. thats an astounding number because many states are "no fault" and irreconcilable differences is the reason given ... so infidelity is actually the reason is many more divorces than 55%.

why can someone break a contract with impunity?

No, I don't. Not at all. As brutal and painful as it is, no. It's just too...complicated to even get into why it would not be a good idea. I'm trying to write this law in my head and just..no.

And

If marriage is a contract and the contract is breached the remedy provided by the legislature is a divorce. If adultery is prosecutable then does the bs who attempts to reconcile become a willing participant in the crime and becomes a co defendant to the crime or an accessory after the fact. Further if adultery remains a civil matter is the bs contributory negligent if they attempt to reconcile. Yes adultery is painful and gut wrenching, and the remedy is to leave the WS and build a new and better life without someone who is willing to betray you for years over and over again.

Rational thinking has been replaced with emotional thinking on this topic. It sounds wonderful in theory to make adultery criminally or civilly punishable, but the fact remains writing up a legal contract for marriage that comes with criminal and/or civil penalties would be a nightmare.

We are screaming from the roof-tops due to the pain and betrayal we know from infidelity. What about the people who know pain from other marital betrayals? Financial infidelity? The bait and switch that happens to many from dating to marrying. I am speaking of the person who is loving, attentive, affectionate etc. while courting and becomes a sloth post-nuptials. How do we write *vows* as a legal binding contract?

Vows can be broken in many ways, and if we are going to legislate some of them we have to be prepared for others who have been betrayed in other ways to get their pound of flesh as well. I hear a lot of emotional ideas, but no realistic way of writing up and enforcing the legal contracts.

I agree we should go back to fault divorces, but again, infidelity will not and cannot be the only fault to be found within the contract (vows).

If we write up marriage in a legally binding form, we also then force those who would mutually agree to change the contract to include some type of open relationship to go to court to change the contract so nobody can be wrongly accused of adultery. That opens a whole new can of worms, because anybody who has been anywhere near an open/swinger/poly/hall-pass relationship knows those communities are heavy laden with one partner agreeing under duress, so now one person has been manipulated into giving up their legal rights in the contract.

If the BS chooses not to prosecute (criminally or civilly) upfront, do they then lose their right to do so at all? Many states that list adultery as *fault* in divorces null and void that if the BS continues sexual relations with the WS after discovery. What if the BS decides not to prosecute but the 18 year old child decides they want their wayward father/mother to pay the penalty? What if the father of the betrayed wife decides he wants justice for his little girl?

Is it solely up to the betrayed to decide what, if any, punishment should be exacted against the wayward? What is a fair statute of limitations?

What if BS1 decides to stay with WS1, but BS2 decides to leave WS2. BS2 wants to get his/her pound of flesh, but now BS1 could be seen as an accessory after the fact or some other legal fascinating ploy that a lawyer can come up with to help their client (WS2). If WS1 contacts WS2 and BS1 knows and still decides to stay, I am sure the lawyer for WS2 will pull BS1 into court and put them through the wringer.

I see a lot emotional outcry and very little well thought out, realistic ideas and answers.

No, not a criminal act as long as two adults are concenting, otherwise is rape and that is well covered leagally. I do think when cheating occurs that the Courts should take sides with the BS and that the property and assests need to be adjusted for that so the BS does not have to give up their home, pay, children just because the WS F...ked up.

I've been thinking a lot about this. I live in Colorado and right now the hot buzz is around gay marriage. Three counties started issuing marriage licenses for gay couples to get married. So much money, time and effort is spent on keeping two loving people from marriage. The world needs more love in my opinion. The reasons for halting it is because it's not moral. Where are these same people that are high on their morality pedastool when it comes to infidelity. The next news article was about a man being sentenced for killing his ex because she was carrying another mans child. How many homicides, suicides, etc can be attributed to infidelity. It is a huge problem. If resources were somehow spent on some answer, no, I don't know what that is, but consequences that are enforced seem to help, maybe much of this can be prevented. My husband told me he just didn't think. What would make someone think???

My husband told me he just didn't think. What would make someone think???

he was thinking...it was just that his brain was asleep but the "little head" was wide awake.