SurvivingInfidelity.com^®

Like many others my WW LTA cost me many many thousands of dollars. I ended up leaving my career and retiring early because I lost the ability to concentrate. MC and IC expenses were trivial because (thankfully?) the counselors I tried were all ass hats. But WW spent thousands on plane tickets and travel expenses when she would fly out to visit *friends* (OM). And it would be nice if I could recoup some of that.

Prosecutable? Most of the *celebrities* and politicians would be in jail. So its a nice thought but when those that would have to pass such a law are in large part guilty themselves. it probably wont happen. Infidelity is just too pervasive for prosecution to be possible.

Id like to see sites that promote cheating like AM and CL be shut down. or held financially responsible for the damage from what they promote.

What Id like to see is a instant D on Dday and ALL of the child custody and marital assets going to the BS.

Theres a problem with this though. IF that were the penalty. How many WS do you think would confess. My guess would be ZERO. and cheaters would be even more careful about covering their tracks.

If someone knowingly exposes you to a deadly disease, they are committing a crime.

How is that different than having unprotected sex?

Hell yeah. since, not all states have Alienation of Affection...I think that is why those revenge sites have popped up.

Society is beginning to see that affairs aren't because of a frigid mean wife at home. But, because of two broken people (WS and AP). Society is beginning to see that the mistresses are to blame as well and BS are seeing them walk away from the situations smug.

Just look up any of those sites on yahoo and the OW defend themselves like crazy.

"The husband is the homewrecker, he took the vows."

"I didn't ruin anything, the marriage was already wrecked."

Classic selfish narcissistic behavior. Lies they tell themselves and truly believe because it is all about them and how they owe nothing to society to be a good citizen. (maybe I'm starting to sound like a socialist?)

These OW are so eager to have affairs till they have repercussions then cry poor me, "I am not guilty" when they come. Classic, I want to play in the fire, but whine like a child when they get burned. "I don't deserve any of this. I didn't do anything wrong".

Better to sue than slander.

I think these men/women should be held accountable for breaking societal obligations and for most the law. They are attributing to "not let no man pull asunder" in the wedding vows.

Society needs to go back to where breaking the vows by any party gets repercussions. A marriage needs to be identified for the institution it is. For the most part, I let God sort that out. However, if one was inclined to take it a step further then power to them. Except for slandering on those revenge sites...that is just not classy.

These OW/OM just don't see that what they did is indeed a personal attack on BS. They feel that if they don't know us and they didn't take the vows, they owe us nothing. Again just classic narcissistic bullshit. But, what do you expect: they are broken. They don't see anything but themselves and certainly not their obligation to society.

[This message edited by hopefulmother at 10:33 PM, July 21st (Monday)]

KeepCalm_Carryon

Just to play devil's advocate- how would you feel if it was your WS being sued? And you now having to help pay out a settlement?

There are times I am so angry with my fWH, that I would love that very much. Just one more reason for him to feel guilty for the dumbass decisions he made. Now, the family he betrayed will have financial consequences.

But, a Scarlet A is nice. Then we can tattoo the rapists and pediophiles too.

Illinois still has an adultery law on the books:

Quoting Illinois Criminal Code Sec. 11‑7. - Adultery

(a) Any person who has sexual intercourse with another not his spouse commits adultery, if the behavior is open and notorious, and

(1) The person is married and the other person involved in such intercourse is not his spouse; or

(2) The person is not married and knows that the other person involved in such intercourse is married.

A person shall be exempt from prosecution under this Section if his liability is based solely on evidence he has given in order to comply with the requirements of Section 4‑1.7 of "The Illinois Public Aid Code", approved April 11, 1967, as amended.

(b) Sentence.

Adultery is a Class A misdemeanor.

However, typically such statutes are rarely enforced. The only real way to find out if Illinois will pursue charges is to file a police report and see what happens.

Personally, I'm waiting until the divorce is final, but by the the statute of limitations may be up.

If someone knowingly exposes you to a deadly disease, they are committing a crime.

How is that different than having unprotected sex?

Because intent is a large part of it.

personally I consider anyone who has even one drink that gets behind the wheel of a vehicle before it's out of their system is accepting their potential role in the murder of another human. With very few exceptions there is no reason anyone should operate a vehicle under the influence of alcohol, and since tolerance levels vary between individuals, the consumption volume should be a flat zero.

Instead, the laws about drunk driving are a fucking joke, tens of thousands of people die every year because of it and in a lot of cases people don't even lose their drivers license.

It's very easy to discuss brutal punishments for offenders who involve themselves in potentially lethal situations, but there are very few people who want to say "Yes, I will accept that my 19 year old son will go up on murder charges because he put back too many beers and drove through the front door of a house and killed three people watching Jeopardy."

Most of the leniency that is provided in these situations is done so not for the sake of the offender, but for the community and family of the same. Ideally we are a society about rehabilitation, not revenge. Rehabilitation is hard, frustrating and unrewarding unless it actually happens. Revenge is easy, swift and satisfying in the sense that it's done.

I don't think they should be necessarily prosecutable; what I do think is that they should render any legal obligations through marriage null and void.

eta:

Additionally, the problems with adultery laws is that they use wording that applies to marriage, in states that have questionable definitions regarding marriage. That brings the idea of who can prosecute whom into question. Areas of the world that don't recognize same sex unions - does that mean they don't get to defend themselves the same way married people do as defined by marriage? People who aren't married but live with each other for a decade are just as betrayed but the legal jargon is just as exclusive for them as well.

It's just not as simple as we would all want it to be.

[This message edited by StillGoing at 10:43 PM, July 21st (Monday)]

The Uniform Code of Military Justice recognizes adultery as a crime and still prosecutes it.

Yes, prosecute for sure! Since the law doesn't protect my heart, I will (that means WS won't get near it again).

I'm probably in the minority, but I believe that you can't legislate morality. People have tried for centuries to stand on a moral soapbox, but in the end, they get nowhere, nor should they.

I'm a firm believer in live and let live. I prefer to get my revenge by living my life to the fullest. You'll never heal if you try to make someone else pay for your pain.

I'm not saying make them pay for my pain. There is NO sentence that could ever pay for that pain. What I am saying is if there were legal repercussions maybe there would be less adultery. Maybe people would think twice. Maybe people wouldn't just f*** around with others lives.

As far as exposing to diseases. If I shot into a crowd and killed someone, would I be tried for that death? You bet. Did I mean to kill THAT person? No, I was just enjoying shooting my gun and they happened to be in the way. I didn't mean to hurt them.

If people can't have a moral compass, then there should be a punishment to help them learn how to read one.

I prefer to get my revenge by living my life to the fullest. You'll never heal if you try to make someone else pay for your pain.

I could say that about everything in life, but still society needs boundaries, rules, laws, and consequences.

I don't think it is a matter of revenge or paying for pain. I think it is a matter of accountability within society. I think it is more like disciplining someone for breaking/interfering with a lawful institutional covenant.

Again, I believe in letting God sort it out in the end. But, I don't feel that I should take that right away from others. Who knows maybe if there were stricter consequences...people wouldn't be so quick to act stupid.

In the end...nothing happens and these revenge sites will just pop up to shame the OW/OM since there seems to be no consequences for their actions. Hurt BS's will have their own form of vigilante justice and more people (innocent children, family, OBS) will be hurt.

(no I am not blaming just the OW/OM, this is SI and we all know we make our WS own their shit too)

absolutely in regards to the mess I am dealing with an OC where children of the marriage are not originally calculated in the CS "formula" and where I am told by the Attorney that my labor to watch and care for the COM is "free".

So as a SAHM I am an economic slave while the whore (oh sorry, the "single mom") gets to deduct her childcare expenses...crazy world we live in

absolutely wish MD was an alienation of affection state like the NC that the OW left as I would so sue for destruction of the marital estate. It is just crazy on so many levels that society continues to send the message that rewards bad behavior and punishes good, you know, "in the best interests" of the children (BS - all to grow the power of the state of course)

anyhow, that's my rant

Just to play devil's advocate- how would you feel if it was your WS being sued? And you now having to help pay out a settlement?

Listen, a law in place absolutely effects both parties, as it should. So therefore to answer your question above, if a law were in place it WOULD effect anyone's WS. It also might make them think twice before doing something that would be a crime.

To use the DUI theory...back in the day, and not saying it was right, but you could have a few drinks and get a pat on the back and possibly even escorted home by the local on duty police man. It took many years and lots of lobbying to get those laws changed. Now it is considered a crime. But to use the above, would I ever want my husband or my child to ever be responsible for that crime? No.

So if someday the laws were changed people's perspective would change. But I don't see it happening because it is so prevelant.

In my case, when WW started A, OM was a cop in my small town. At start of A, my car was vandalized at train station parking lot. WW told me that this particular cop had to handle the report because he handled one a day earlier on the same exact type of car in the same parking lot. OM, while off-duty, inspected my car at the repair shop in another town and wrote in report that he inspected my car while on duty at the train station in my town. On DD1, WW got off phone with OM and said that he just dumped her because he was afraid for his job, and I was threatened with my kids being taken away from me if I told his bosses about that report. Prior to DD1, my car was burglarized and brief case was stolen, and the brief case appeared at the police station, and only thing missing was divorce papers and notes of meeting with attorney, and my blank checks , BlackBerry and iPod were still there.

After DD1, the A continued but deeper underground and OM since retired. On DD2, this Father's Day, I filed a complaint against OM with my local police department for vandalism, burglary of my car (presumably with his gun which carries a mandatory minimum of 5 years in jail), and criminal coercion for the threat about the report. Because OM is retired, the police department's internal affairs lacks jurisdiction, and I was told that my complaint will be referred to the county prosecutor.

I'm not holding my breath for OM to be indicted, but it felt damn good to be proactive.

Am I the only one who thinks that people involved in affairs should be able to be prosecuted?

Are we talking all kinds of affairs? The laws on the books have only ever dealt with adultery (sex on some level). Also some laws do not allow legal action if the betrayed spouse returns to or never leaves the wayward spouse. In some states where adultery is considered a fault in divorce, if the BS has relations with the WS after finding out, the affair is considered forgiven and no fault can be submitted to the court.

Would laws punishing adultery help? Perhaps, but it does little to nothing for drug addicts, so what will it do for sex addicts? If a WS will consciously make the decision to devastate their spouse, why do we think they would stop and think "I could get in legal trouble."

If we bring legal action based on a broken contract; we are going to have to tighten up the language in a marriage contract, too much ambiguity and loose language. For example "love, honor and cherish" if a spouse files suit for adultery, and the WS decides to counter sue due to not being cherished or honored, now what?

I disagree that you can't legislate morality. If we cant do so then explain the entire criminal justice system ... which is nothing but an attempt ùto do so.

corrected due to auto correct

[This message edited by william at 1:34 PM, July 22nd (Tuesday)]

Ex-Prosecutor here.

FOR GOD SAKES NO!!!

Ex-Prosecutor here.

FOR GOD SAKES NO!!!

Ex-Prosecutor here.

FOR GOD SAKES NO!!

Have to agree with redsox13. Sheesh, can you imagine how clogged the court system would be then? There would have to be many more prisons/jails built.

My main fear would be that the violence would escalate to keep the affair secret. There are already so many murders because of infidelity. Can you imagine how many more murders there would be if people feared they would be going to jail or have their money taken from them?

Just my random thoughts....

We legislate morality everyday and prosecute immorality everyday. Sexual abuse, incest, prostitution, drug use, theft, assault, battery, DUI, and so on are moral issues that society has decided to punish.

The cost burden on society due to infidelity is astounding. Societal entities such as non profits, the government, families, friends, and churches have to step up to cover the decline in income and housing faced by mothers, fathers, and children after the family is destroyed. The entire "family" economy is wrecked by affairs and infidelity. Work place A's drag down productivity and cost businesses in actual dollars and general low morale after an A. What other willing action literally decimates coffers and is ignored because it is too common? Will the day come when date rape is too common and too much a morality call to bother with? Who said yes, who said no, who waited too long to tell? Just legislating morality? We may already be on that edge. God, I hope not.

An AP can come along, insert themselves in your private life, take your spouse, run through your money, break your mind and soul, cause great fear, and ruin your life, yet, you cannot even make a phone call telling them to stay away without fear of being prosecuted for harassment.

Your WS can lie, libel you, take your savings, ruin your retirement, abuse you emotionally, change your children's destiny, ruin the safety of your children, and leave you a hollow shell. Sometimes they get R. Sometimes they get a new shiny wife and you get a very weak divorce settlement.

Not only are we not punishing Infidelity, our society has aided the proliferation of A's as well as told the BS "you are the problem". States and courts have made those left behind after an A a very low priority.