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GP-She is getting annoyed? that is not a good sign at all. Unfortunately, I can't give you good advice on this. In my experience, as soon as I found out, I went straight to a lawyer. I don't regret it. I just want to wish you good luck and tell you to please listen to all the good people here giving you great advice. I've learned soo much from them.

she feels annoyed or having a "here we go again" type of look.

This is typical when the WS does not get it at all. When they do not understand or believe that what they did was wrong.

It could also be her way of just not telling you the truth. Get her that book right away, Not Just Friends, it will point out just how huge a wrong she has committed.

If she continues this way, nothing good will come of it.

She wants to sweep it under the carpet and that is the worst thing that can happen and almost ensures it will happen again.

It has to be dealt with now and completely.

She wants nothing more than to let it drop and forget about it...or carry on with it in secret.

She has no idea of the shock and hurt it has caused you. Ask her how she would feel if the situation were reversed and she just found out you have been with another woman?

If she answers she would be fine with it, she is in complete denial.

And Yes, keep snooping, paying attention and watching everything.

That look considering the little she has said, shows contempt for you and your feelings, and NO EMPATHY and cheaters rugsweeping... Wrong fucking response bitch! Time to get tough with her, and right now loose the fear of loosing her... You demand she talk about the terrible shit she did to you, demand respect or there are consequences that will result and mean it... Bugging her; she should be on the floor sobbing, begging that you will even have her in the same room as you!

I am not trying to seem tough on you, but you will not nice her out of this, and strength and toughness with her is the new default setting you need to take up. Being too easy on a cheater, especially shortly after D-Day is my biggest regret, and others will tell you the same. This situation you just posted, only furthers my 99.99999% hunch much more is in store for you... Straight out of the cheaters handbook I have seen very up close and personal.

He IS a predator and knows what to do with woman who felt/feel like you wife did or does.

AND she knew this. AND she chose to go on a trip alone with him anyway.

It's a good thing she quit her job. It would be better if she felt remorse. Right now she thinks that just quitting her job was penance enough, and now you should Just Get Over It.

Marriage counseling is called for here.

Her attitude is bs.

Definitely put a var in her car and one in the house and no more talk about this act stupid and observe.

Good luck.

AND she knew this. AND she chose to go on a trip alone with him anyway.

Completely disagree.

Not every woman can recognize a predator or so damn many of them wouldn't be out there ruining our lives.

It takes experience to learn a freaking predator with their nice acting KISA act.

Just like every affair starts, cross one boundary, then another and then another. Except with a predator, he is usually manipulating it all along as compared to it just happening. Predators actually control the scene and the act and how the WW feels.

I have a few questions.

When was dday(the day she confessed or you confronted)?

Where were they meeting when they had wine and kissed?

Have you checked phone records to see when they actually started texting/calling?

When I ask her about more details about everything, she feels annoyed or having a "here we go again" type of look.

Any ideas what this means? Should i keep bugging her for details?

It means she thinks she is in the right.

When people engage in affairs, they create a reality that justifies their behavior.

In order to reconcile, you and her need to be on the same page when it comes to what constitutes appropriate married behavior.

To her, she stopped the behavior before an affair occurred. As Bill Clinton said, "it depends on what *it* is."

Problem is, you can't be sure what happened and under what circumstances.

I suggest you read 2 books

No More Mr. Nice Guy

Married Mans Sex Life Primer.

It will be an eye opener.

Let's stop with the predator nonsense. He wanted to get laid and your wife gladly went along with the routine. Was this a business trip they formulated to be together or she had to go on.

Your wife at the least liked the attention. My guess is there is more you do not know.

I am confused. Did she quit the job. If not, that is a must.!!!

You are kidding yourself if you think he is scared of you . If he is such a player, he knows how to deal with husbands and how to take this underground with you wife.

As far as her getting annoyed . That is a big red flag.

I would sit her down and tell her she has one more chance to come clean and if she does not, you will leave her if you find out more.

She liked the attention which is why she liked you intervening.

You should burn his ass with the company , but again if she has not quit and he is still her boss you are in big trouble

Geekpower,

I am very sorry... one thing you wrote sent my blood boiling... when she said "she felt used" and that she is mad it him.... holy f**** sh**

total deflection, she is her own person, an adult and has no one else to blame but herself <<< me venting and not something you don't already know.

I do think more happened, her avoidance behavior... the texting is indicative of the relationship already established, this take time to do.

When WS squirm to reveal what happened, they are not fully out of what is called the A Fog and have much more to hide. She is not sorry yet, this is just minimizing the damage... she is sorry she got caught at this point. Real remorse is very different.

What is your goal here, to work it out or divorce as you stated you would do if it were cheating.

There is no doubt about it, she did indeed cheat and how far the rabbit hole goes should not matter in terms of degrees of cheating or does that matter to you?

I always told her that if I ever found out that my spouse cheated somehow, for any reason, I would end the marriage right away, no questions asked.

So - are you a bluffer or not? She cheated. Get your ass to an attorney and file. You can stop those proceedings at any time. She needs to know that you mean what you say.

I agree with atreides that her blameshifting to the OM is complete bullshit. She's a grown up. She knows right from wrong. She remembers that she's married, right?

Btw - my WH "didn't even kiss" his OW - because, you know, they're just friends and the relationship isn't like that. Took about two weeks after that to find out he had been fucking her for about 6 weeks at that point.

Just a few things. She's cheating on you and engaged in an affair. What you have here is a smidgen of truth mixed in with a whole lot of lies. My wife threatened me about cheating while she was cheating and told me if I ever did it she'd burn me down and take the kids. Cheaters lie man. Start doing some digging. Get in her phone and look at her messages. Voice activated recorder wouldn't hurt either. Inform yourself as to what your options are. She may have been feeling guilty and thought if she told you a little bit of truth she'd make herself feel better.

Go to HR at her work and get this fucking boss of hers bounced out. She needs to quit there anyway no exceptions.

PS. All of our wives and husbands were good ol souls at one point. I've learned a few things and one is that anyone is capable at anytime of betrayal.Its those that choose not to that are the true gems of the earth.

Wishing the best for you and hope everything turns out ok and not as bad as it sounds.

Btw - my WH "didn't even kiss" his OW - because, you know, they're just friends and the relationship isn't like that. Took about two weeks after that to find out he had been fucking her for about 6 weeks at that point.

^^^^^

Same here!! My WS told me they just went to lunch one time and texted each other. He even had her call me to confirm that they went to lunch one time and they gave each other a hug that was all that happened. I believed it! I never in a million years thought my husband would cheat. We'll.. A few weeks later I learned they did have sex..one time.. A few weeks later I learned that we'll it was actually 2 times.. Eventually found out it was dozens of times. Then after he " broke it off with her " and supposedly sent no contact letter.. I found out they had sex a few more times. I constantly heard" there is no other woman" and got the same eye roll I get from my teenage son when I ask him to clean his room when I asked about it.

As others have stated..you can't nice them back.When I started filing for D and thew his stuff out.. He came out of the fog. He has become extremely remorseful and does everything he can to help me feel safe now.

Good luck to you. No matter what happens you have a long road ahead.

I'm another who doesn't believe you know the full story. Her attitude when you ask questions backs that up. You don't get that annoyed over questions when nothing happened. She's trying to pressure you to stop asking any more questions.

Don't stop asking.

Oh and for your question. Unless you are perfectly fine with her kissing other men, then yes it's cheating.

[This message edited by BtraydWife at 9:55 PM, August 1st (Friday)]

GeekPower - How is it going today?

Is your wife still annoyed whenever you need to talk about the affair? She has to learn that you need to talk about it. She has to understand what the hell she has caused.

Too many WSs feel the BS should get over it just like that, and that is completely impossible. The more the WS has the just get over it attitude, the worse things gets.

The book Not Just Friends will begin to clue her in as to what she has caused and what she needs to do in order to fix this.

What happened at her work when she suddenly quit. I would think that would have been the time for some interesting texts and or emails from her boss.

Are you watching all of her electronics. Don't let her just show them to you, deleting is far too easy. If possible fine a way to read the deleted texts, or to know if there are deleted texts and emails.

Quitting her job does not mean the affair ends. Many times affairs do continue after someone has quit their job. I think that is common actually.

The next time she gives you that attitude of here we go again, you can have her read something from the healing library here. Print it out and give it to her.

http://survivinginfidelity.com/healing_library/confrontation/joseph.asp

Too many WSs feel the BS should get over it just like that, and that is completely impossible.

^^^this

During false R, I heard many times, "This is why we can't stay together. You won't move past the affair!".

He was still HAVING the affair, I knew it, and he knew I knew it, but he still thought I should be getting over it.

Dumbass.

Your wife simply isn't meeting the mark here, buddy.

I'm sorry.

He was still HAVING the affair

That was the same for me. All the while she was still in the affair, I heard things like:

You will never get over it,

I've already answered that,

You need to get over it,

And of course the miserable litany of I dont know and I dont remember answers.

I got none of the truth until I hired a lawyer and asker her for divorse. Had to take this dangerous gamble...but it all spilled out then.

GeekPower - sorry you're here, but DON'T trust your wife at all. She is blame shifting and lying. She is also doing trickle truth - she is telling only what she wants you to know. I am saying this because a lot of cheaters tell half truths to cover up what they've done. I don't buy for a second they only kissed. Sorry.