SurvivingInfidelity.com^®

Man, it is hard enough to deal with an A much less this added stress. Sorry you are going through this mess.

Maybe it is the way it is written and maybe this was only a slice of the interview, but it doesn't seem like she is remorseful at all. You two were being questioned about a situation where a woman killed herself and her child. What an extremely sad tragedy. I get that the PI asked certain questions about the MOW character, but you would think your WW would have have had some remorseful even regrettable feelings about their relationship...IDK something like she is now haunted by their actions, telling how much she regretted it, how she cannot believe this happened, and how it has negatively impacted both your lives.

Again, I may be way off base, but it seemed like she enjoyed the spotlight to talk about her and him. It was almost she is still in fantasy-land and describes how she is attracted to redheads, how he made her laugh, how he wanted another child with her....I just think it is strange that she isn't more introspective and thinking "Oh shit, this was the worst mistake of my life. He was an asshole to me and to his wife."

To reinforce what others have said, all of this is because of HER decisions, SHE brought this into your marriage. Just because she isn't feeling guilty, don't feel like you need to carry the guilt.

How did your fWW even find out about this? And so based on the news article your fWWs OM is blaming their marital problems on A his own wife allegedly had in 2001... that may mean the 13 year old is the child he claimed not to be his?

This is so sad for both children.

Your fWW seems to be enjoying the attention and doesn't seem very remorseful or caring towards how this has been affecting you.

How did your fWW even find out about this? And so based on the news article your fWWs OM is blaming their marital problems on A his own wife allegedly had in 2001... that may mean the 13 year old is the child he claimed not to be his?

You know, I don't know exactly how she found out. We both have Google News as our homepage and it was in the headlines when it happened, so my assumption is that how she found out. I need to ask her about this.

Correct that the 13 year old is the result of his wife's cheating and the 2 year old was biologically both of theirs.

I agree that you should not answer any more questions without your own attorney present. Let us know what happens to this. Stay safe.

Let me also add that you have no obligation to speak to the defense investigator.

Brother its very clear that this tragedy is weighing heavily on your heart. But you have to come to terms with the fact that you did not set this in motion. Blame if any needs to be placed exactly where it belongs and that's with the perpetrator of the heinous crime. And to further move yourself away from it your WW and OM actions need to come before yours as well. All you did was inform another BS of an A. Something that is noble and took much courage. These people (OBS and OM) have a history of immoral and illicit behaviors affairs, paternity issues etc. What happened was set in motion long before you exposed the A. OM is not a good guy, he is not a victim of circumstance, he is an active player in a game that resulted in a tragedy, a tragedy that could have been avoided if people would have just kept their clothes on and honored their vows to their respective spouses. Cheap thrills, fantasy and selfish behaviors caused this, not you.

I'd also be vary of her claims of just happening to come across the article of what transpired. Most likely she was reminiscing of the A and OM and Googled his name. Then she had the balls to drop this shit in your lap like you caused it. If she would have kept her damn legs closed perhaps it would not have happened either. She played with fire and got burned, she did not learn her lesson the first time and was leaning towards the flame once again by searching his name. She was burned once again and she deflected blame at you. I don't think she has learned anything about consequence for ones actions. I don't think she even "gets it" I think your WW is just another spoiled, selfish brat who always had someone else clean up her messes, and now she wants you to clean up this one too. As for the PI and the possibility of testimony, just tell the truth. This bitch is angling for a excusable defense, that she was so overcome with grief and emotion her actions should not be held against her. Don't allow them to use you as an instrument of deception. This woman murdered her own child and must be held accountable, your WW and OM cheated on their spouses and must be held accountable. Hang tough and don't take any shit from any of these delusional people, including your WW. I wish you peace my man.

This damn nightmare just got a lot longer. The trial has been delayed almost a year. Instead of this summer, it is now in June 2016. I already have so much anxiety over this crap and adding another year to it is going to be hard to deal with. It's so irritating that this shit was forced into my life.

It would help a lot if I knew whether or not I (or WW) will have to appear at the trial. Part of me wants to get in touch with the prosecution and the defense so I have an idea what to expect, but I'm thinking it might be smarter to lay low and wait. Any advice with this would be much appreciated.

Wait, you thought signature looked 'mannish' and sent a letter to be delivered EVERYDAY for a WEEK.

Have you ever felt the jolt of fear receiving a certified letter is? If you have, consider the pain of reading those gut wrenching words 7 days in a row. Sounds almost like you wanted revenge of some sort at least at some level. Only YOU know that though, right?

Horrible turn of events. Sad. Dark. Evil. I hate you and your mate are going through this. Crimes of passion still occur. Innocents die.

I would talk with a lawyer and have them check with prosecution so that you can breathe a little easier. Knowledge is indeed power.

Ayla, my motive was to make sure the OBS knew her spouse had cheated on her & to be tested for STD's, since I got one from my WW. I did it as gently as a person can when giving someone such awful news. I practically begged her to contact me when she got the letters because I thought her H might be intercepting them. Like many BS's on this site, revenge is something that has crossed my mind, but it would be sick to take it out on the OBS.

Ayla, I don't think he did anything wrong. I would have done the same if I could.

You cannot blame him for crazy people. Some people kill just because you cut them in traffic.

And what if he wanted revenge? I certainly did at the time. Still it doesn't mean he would want anything like that to happen or that he can control what other people do.

This is NOT your fault. Somewhere deep within you. You must know this right?? I don't get her current attitude toward MOW? She's acting like the A was longer than you think. Like it ended much later. Her fond memories of it all don't equal an A that ended like 4 yrs ago?

You are not at fault and never were. You sound like you have realized without a doubt who she is and who she'll always be.

utterly, I was looking at your signature, and you need to take the R out of it. You aren't R'ing with an unremorseful WW.

And you mentioned transparency... At this point, you don't owe her any transparency right now.

Your WW has shown you who she is... believe her.

Forgive me, for time factor, only read a few responses.

Ayla was way out of line if she was suggesting you sent letters to provoke murder.

OMG, I'm dumbfounded.

As a BS, if my X' AP had had a spouse and he had sent me several letters, I would read the first one. If the others had been repeats, it is my choice to read the same thing over and over. Personally, I would have contacted you, confirmed that I received, and then asked you not to contact me anymore. But again, it's about personal choice.

YOU did not cause her pain, her WS and your unremorseful WS did. They choose their actions, not you and not the other BS.

The only blood is on her and his hands. But again, it was a choice of the other BS to murder. She had other options, counseling, D, etc.

So, honestly, I cannot in good conscience say your WS and AP "caused" this either. Their actions helped cause devastation, but not murder. However, AP and WS are too selfish to see that THEY are not the victims here.

I hope this is my last update to this thread.

Last week I checked on the latest news from the trial. To my surprise, I found out that a settlement had been reached. The OBS was sentenced to life in prison with an opportunity for parole after 40 years.

Finding out was very emotional for me, but I am glad to have some sort of closure. I'm thankful that the OBS isn't going to be killed. It's also nice knowing that I won't have to spend my vacation time as a witness in a murder trial halfway across the country.

A huge weight has been lifted and I hope this gives my recovery from infidelity a a big boost.

(((((utterly broken)))))) What a tragedy. I am glad the legalities are resolved and that you didn't have to participate.

I do hope this helps in your healing.

The OBW is a MH and seems to have psychopathic/sociopathic tendencies , and seems to have done what she did because of a custody/visitation battle , so no you're not to blame for any of this .

[This message edited by ivehadit01 at 6:11 PM, September 7th (Wednesday)]

And your STBX is a horrible person. I hope (for you) that you finally divorced her.

[This message edited by ivehadit01 at 6:17 PM, September 7th (Wednesday)]

((utterlybroken)) Thank you for the update and I am sending you strength and hope that you will continue on the path of healing.

Take care.

(((utterly broken)))

So sorry that you have to deal with this mess.

Sending you strength.